A Taste of Heaven

I saw an angel today,
He fell from the sky,
He landed in my arms,
As I was walking to my car,
I looked above me,
He must have fallen so far,

His wings were torn,
He can not fly back,
To where he belongs,
My sweet angel,
Stay with me,
Let me fix your broken wing,

Trust me,
I will put together,
The broken pieces of your wing,
So then you can fly agian,
Oh my lovely angel,
I do fear one day,
You will never return again,
Oh how upset I will be,
Longing for you forever,
Not ever again in my life,
Will another angel,
like you,
Fall and crash into my life,
I will keep your broken wing,
So you can't fly out of my sight,

Oh my fallen angel,
I have finally met you today,

Reviews

[Max Murphy]

My experience with poetry is very limited, but I shall do my best to help. As stated previously, nothing is personal in my critiques.

There is often very little room for error in poetry, by its very nature; a concise combination of the absolute perfect words. This means it's either good or it's not, no middle ground. This is good.

To be picky, in the second stanza 'His wings were torn', wings is plural, but from there onwards you refer to only a single wing.

Second line, second stanza 'He can not fly back' I would change it to 'cannot', the addition of an extra word when using 'can not' breaks the nice pace.

The third stanza feels a little long, in context with the previous two. This is just a preference but the switch from two equal stanzas to a much longer one is a bit off putting.

I'm sure I read in one of the reviews about overkill, this is often the point with poetry. To take a small selection of words and squeeze the absolute most out of them. In a book, this may well be overkill, but for poetry it is simply...poetic.

The regular reference and return to the subject of his broken wing is a nice metaphor, whether intentional or not, for humankind's tendency to hang on to the smallest glimmer of love, often against its will.

A nice piece, well written with some nice imagery and a unique twist on two popular subjects; longing for love and the fallen angel. A good job with very little to correct.

[Ruth]

A mystical meeting, intriguing:) Beautifully voiced love and makes the reader feel the warmth of such a meeting!
Lovely poem
xx

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

such gentle beauty~ a sweet~melancholy lullaby with a darker mystique in these lines . . . .

I will keep your broken wing,
So you can't fly out of my sight,

a lovely compositin~

[Poetic Beauty]

The imagery in this piece is amazing and I love the fear you feel if you put him back together he will fly away. "If you love it set it free. If it comes back it was meant to be" These are true words to live by. You don't want to be with or trap someone or thing into being with you if they don't want to. Magical write. Great form.

[deeps]

i like this, i think it's very well written

[SamBug]

I liked this. It was really sweet and good. :)

[Cassiopia Summers]

Haha, I agree with Daydreamer54, I think he'd like you more if he wasn't held against his will. Great write BTW.

[Daydreamer54]

Wow nice, i like this and it seems very sweet! But hey, if u did fix the angel's broken wing, he might return to u one day and thank you, instead of being held against his will. lol! :P