A Taste of Heaven

I saw an angel today,
He fell from the sky,
He landed in my arms,
As I was walking to my car,
I looked above me,
He must have fallen so far,

His wings were torn,
He can not fly back,
To where he belongs,
My sweet angel,
Stay with me,
Let me fix your broken wing,

Trust me,
I will put together,
The broken pieces of your wing,
So then you can fly agian,
Oh my lovely angel,
I do fear one day,
You will never return again,
Oh how upset I will be,
Longing for you forever,
Not ever again in my life,
Will another angel,
like you,
Fall and crash into my life,
I will keep your broken wing,
So you can't fly out of my sight,

Oh my fallen angel,
I have finally met you today,

Reviews

[Max Murphy]

My experience with poetry is very limited, but I shall do my best to help. As stated previously, nothing is personal in my critiques.

There is often very little room for error in poetry, by its very nature; a concise combination of the absolute perfect words. This means it's either good or it's not, no middle ground. This is good.

To be picky, in the second stanza 'His wings were torn', wings is plural, but from there onwards you refer to only a single wing.

Second line, second stanza 'He can not fly back' I would change it to 'cannot', the addition of an extra word when using 'can not' breaks the nice pace.

The third stanza feels a little long, in context with the previous two. This is just a preference but the switch from two equal stanzas to a much longer one is a bit off putting.

I'm sure I read in one of the reviews about overkill, this is often the point with poetry. To take a small selection of words and squeeze the absolute most out of them. In a book, this may well be overkill, but for poetry it is simply...poetic.

The regular reference and return to the subject of his broken wing is a nice metaphor, whether intentional or not, for humankind's tendency to hang on to the smallest glimmer of love, often against its will.

A nice piece, well written with some nice imagery and a unique twist on two popular subjects; longing for love and the fallen angel. A good job with very little to correct.

[R J Askew]

The detail of walking to your car sets this apart from the other 99 angel poems out there, as if gives it a real feel. 'Hi, angel, where did you fall from? Are you OK babes? No, you're not... That wing! O!' We all need a taste of heaven, even if we are not religious. I felt like this was a lyric. Female vocalist of course. Dunno who though.

[Dupree]

It's a good poem takes a whole new spin on the angel falling to earth. I have to say it'a original and very good, not your best work but it's not bad

[darkgurl]

This is a well written emotional write.

[Tim]

Another good piece! Great job!

[Bridget Mcmaken]

This is a breath taking poem. Great work!

[KatiePie]

This made me want to cry for some reason. I think it's the concept of it, how I read it. Like sometimes, when you know what's good for someone doing it is so so so hard, but you know you should and other times, you learn that doing what's good for them, isn't always what's best for them. I know I'm probably not making perfect sense to you right now, but I can't think of any other way to put it other than, some thing so rare, something so beautiful like the connection between a human and an angel being SO strong that the angel would feel so drawn it'd fall from the sky for the human, to be with the human it's a sacrifice so beautiful, and the way it ended shows that even though heaven may be the best for the angel and this world may corrupt the angel, you still keep it in your arms because everything around you could be going wrong, but as long as you have each other, and as long as you have that happiness, there's nothing that can bring you down, and something like that, something that gorgeous is rare, and deserves to be held on to. Beautiful write!
-Cathrine

[*]

I liked the poem. I think it could use some revising but overall a good job told with an innocent flair that comes off well.

[PaperHearts]

Ooh, interesting write! I really liked the story-like aspect of this poem, and the way in which you structured this piece to progress. The imagery that you created was really captivating, and I liked how you repeated certain words or lines to emphasise particular points. The last two lines made for a perfect ending! Great work,
~PaperHearts

[Smirking Poison]

Desperation, longing and desire - that`s what I see an emphasis on here.

Although the third part feels a tad long comparing to the first two, but maybe that is because several different things happen all at once.

Enjoy your spin on the fallen angel and all the cliche`s that often come with them - points for originality !

An intriguing write.

- Domani Poison

[Coyote Poetry]

Those Angels will heal and disappear leaving us hoping and wishing. I like this poem. You told a very good story. I like the part about keeping the broken wing. A excellent poem.
Coyote