My Dramatic Poem

I wrote a dramatic flow for this poem so if anyone asks. Its suppose to be dramatic

My heart is not complete

Just how close

How close

Are you to me?

Wait, my heart beats

And again

So glad it isn't dead

Its not nothing anymore

It's not useless, wortless or empty no more

 

Oh I travel so far

So far to get to you

How I beg so much for you

 

I will never give up

I won't stop trying

To seek every drop of love from you

 

I hope you find me

On the right tree

A great, red and juicy apple

My heart will be

 

My heart is waiting for a bite

From you with your teeth

Suck my love out

Leave me empty

 

I watch,

The sweet apple juice

Pouring out of me

 

My heart squeezed

like a sponge

The juice is pouring

I want you to come to me

So I can be set free

From hanging on this tree

 

Reviews

[Undying Glory]

you've done an awesome job with this poem, it's really nice and vivid. dramatic is right, this poem really lives up to its title. great job

[Abdul Aziz]

Wonderful imagery, and the title suits the poem very much. I was intrigued by the title, thinking of what the poem might be about. And indeed, it is very dramatic. A common thread that I observe running in your poems is one of longing for love. And what a better dramatic way to express it than this poem?
Very well written!

[Livana Lowell]

I can read the drama within the lines of the stanza flowing in an amazing passion that appeals to me. Nyi has said more than I can muster. I think the diction is wonderful for a dramatic poem especially the scene with the tree tying it to the act of seeking one's love. All I have to say is gret job.

[nyi]

i forgot to say..i like the title very much also..

[nyi]

i really love some lines very much in this poem like 'To seek every drop of love from you' and the tree part and the apple part...this is really great....printed very vivid images and the last part also is very nice..the squeezed part and the pouring part..so overall..although i want to say again that i don't like love poems..this becomes my favorite among yours that i read and no doubt that one of the best poems i read so far on this web site..great write..it's very much easy to understand why you write about love all the time.since you are 16!..me on the other hand is almost 24...so my idea is that love has 'versions'...so i like to write about dark sides..lol...great effort friend

[Ruth]

There is a bit of sacrificing the soul here to gain freedom sought, not in a negative way but a yearning for hope!
Awesome work love
xx

[zombiikillah666]

mm, i want some applejuice.. :p
this was really good and emotional.
great write. (:

[SamBug]

This was fantastic!!!

[Charles]

This poem starts out great with an established rhythm and even some near rhymes. The meter seems to continue into later stanzas but is harder to notice because of the stanza breaks. You really should address those grammatical things - here it's 'not nothing anymore' and 'not... empty no more.' The first two stanzas seem to be heading somewhere and the theme is picked up again with the fourth stanza introduction on the apple analogy, leaving the third stanza out of the loop and perhaps not necessary. Again, the strong point here is the emotion you insert into the poem, though the apple thing is really a good analogy and the ending quite appropriate. :-)

[Wolfwind Words]

Depending on how you define "Dramatic"? I would have to say that by my idea of it, you have succeeded. The piece flows fast, carrying a strong emotional vibe. It weaves vivid images into the mind of the reader that are easy to invision and see.
I loved the second to the last stanza... the image of apple juice pour out of someone was unique and it added a sense of mirth to the ink.

Great Work!
Wolfie