I like where you go with a number of these poems. I would encourage you to go back after a month or so and re-read them and see if they want to go further.
For example, the snakes in the nightmare - I couldn't help but think that a next line surely had to be something about the lack of logic in a nightmare.
Same with many of these - excellent starting points but I would hope they could be fleshed out just a bit more. Not a lot - just some.
Posted 2 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
2 Years Ago
Thank you so much for stopping by and reading. I really appreciate your input. That's really interes.. read moreThank you so much for stopping by and reading. I really appreciate your input. That's really interesting. I hadn't thought of that, but, honestly, that was never really meant to be anything. It was more of an diary entry than anything else. I think most of these are done already, but who knows? In years to come I may go back and decide to edit them.
I agree my dear friend.
"The predators here are more crafty.
They have methods of capture that I was not aware of.
They hide behind bushes and trees that are foreign to me."
The above lines, I have notice also. Thank you for sharing the entertaining poetry.
Coyote
Hi LA. Like my good friend Winston, I have been surfing through your works, which are full of interesting imagery but seem to scream for so much more. A bit of pavement added to the great first laid stones is how I would describe what I am getting at. It is obvious your mind has a depth of thought, as a reader I would undoubtedly enjoy a trip along its byways and backwater eddies
Ken
Posted 2 Years Ago
2 Years Ago
Hi Ken, thank you so much. I appreciate you and I appreciate the thought. Im sorry... that is just h.. read moreHi Ken, thank you so much. I appreciate you and I appreciate the thought. Im sorry... that is just how I write now. What else is there left for me to say? You may enjoy my old works better.
I actually do too.....
shhhhhhhhhh.
lol
Honestly that isnt that much of a secret. I can send you some suggestions on which ones to read.
2 Years Ago
sure LA. perhaps through those, I can intuit how you have reached your current place of mind. Poetry.. read moresure LA. perhaps through those, I can intuit how you have reached your current place of mind. Poetry is a never-ending journey, through which we all wind our way down many roads. What works for one is not the way for another, but trying to understand why makes us all better poets. Drop me a private message of the works you most wish me to read, I promise I will read and give you my best assessment.
You are not in a familiar place where you feel comfortable... you fear others who may harm you....This a good metaphor for humans who very often feel out of place... in so many different situations...and it's so uncomfortable.... When you feel out of place there is a certain fear that envelops you.
I'm waiting for the next chapter...
Best, B.
This is likely one of the best poems if not the best to me that you have ever written. Not only did i love it because i am a fish who often feels taken from his inviroment but also i cant help but make a connection between the predators you describe here and so many of the people we have lived so close to.
I hope to all life we each find the place where we can breathe the fresh air that is clean from such filth.
This is so true, sometimes we all feel like a fish out of water, an explorer in foreign land, escaping from our problems and predators, and we dont know of the predators and problems that await us in a new situation. Beautifully penned, I liked this
I think more than a few of us feel like a fish out of water sometimes. Not all sharks are in the water, that's for sure! Some of them wear suits! I enjoyed reading this poem!
Posted 2 Years Ago
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2 Years Ago
Yes, and occasionally a blouse or a dress.
(If they are not the "butch" type.)
Doesn't.. read moreYes, and occasionally a blouse or a dress.
(If they are not the "butch" type.)
Doesn't matter, though. They are all equally disgusting.
You got exactly where I was going with this. Thank you for reviewing.
I love the personification here. It's clever and so interesting. Someone not on familiar grounds has so many more perils to face. It seems, our familiar foes are preferable to what lies outside our realm. I enjoyed your words. 💕