I like where you go with a number of these poems. I would encourage you to go back after a month or so and re-read them and see if they want to go further.
For example, the snakes in the nightmare - I couldn't help but think that a next line surely had to be something about the lack of logic in a nightmare.
Same with many of these - excellent starting points but I would hope they could be fleshed out just a bit more. Not a lot - just some.
Posted 2 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
2 Years Ago
Thank you so much for stopping by and reading. I really appreciate your input. That's really interes.. read moreThank you so much for stopping by and reading. I really appreciate your input. That's really interesting. I hadn't thought of that, but, honestly, that was never really meant to be anything. It was more of an diary entry than anything else. I think most of these are done already, but who knows? In years to come I may go back and decide to edit them.
When a metaphor is done so well that you almost can't tell what it is, is a rare feat. You accomplished that here. And your lines are truly relatable, not really belonging anywhere, the predators are always lurking. Really enjoyed this, looking forward to reading more of your work.
Posted 1 Year Ago
1 Year Ago
Thank you, Obsidian, truly glad that you enjoyed yourself here.
Metaphorically seeking. Like others have said we are all fish out of water from time to time. Wandering about wanting to fit in. Especially with new environments. Good read.
With love,
Matthew
Posted 1 Year Ago
1 Year Ago
New environments are hard,
and we often unfamiliar and uninformed of the dangers.
read moreNew environments are hard,
and we often unfamiliar and uninformed of the dangers.
Thank you.
1 Year Ago
New environments are hard,
and we are often unfamiliar and uninformed of the dangers.
.. read moreNew environments are hard,
and we are often unfamiliar and uninformed of the dangers.
Many methods come to the poet in the process of our craft, we read it back to ourselves, we hire the trusted editor and always bleed righteous. Some methods serve to help while others should burst out of you and be left until maybe that day arrives and you say to yourself..why I’m not a fish at all. I am a Maserati on fire, the happenstance of what happened over a billion years ago and I am not taking a single person prisoner! But for now that picture says everything and the poem floods of evolution. Revisit, revamp, reassure us all, but keep a copy of the original because this is perfect. Most poetry done well screams from our darkest hour… I think you’ve captured that here, but who knows … do you like it?
I am a fish out of water.
I am a sea creature on land
I was thinking of Mudskippers and Christmas Island red crab as I read throughout, it describe how harsh our world still is.. We survive on our own efforts and hard work.. But what matters the most despite everything seems foreign, is we learn as we enjoy our journey... Nice work...
Posted 1 Year Ago
1 Year Ago
Cool, thank you so much for visiting and reviewing.
I have always felt like I was born out of time, like I do not believe in this era. This has that same feeling. I guess we all feel like a stranger in a strange land at times. The journey is in finding ourselves.
Posted 1 Year Ago
1 Year Ago
Thank you for your review, Linda Marie.
:) I appreciate it.