THE REST HOME FOR OLD HIPPIES

My plan for the perfect rest home for old hippies

Good afternoon, everyone, and welcome to Rolling Acres, the only retirement community in the country featuring activities and our special schedule for old hippies.

I see that we have a lot of young professionals in the room. You've made the kynde choice for your aging parents! Now, follow me, and I'll fill you in on all the features of our establishment--oops, sorry, Mrs. Felcher--I mean, our community. Many of our residents, like Mrs. Felcher, object to the word (whispering) 'establishment'.

(back to normal voice) It's sort of a trigger word for them, causing them to become paranoid.

Here we have our exercise area. No, we don't NEED any exercise equipment, Mr. Simmons. That's one of the many benefits of our...community.

Exercise takes place every afternoon at 4:00 sharp...and look! It's just a couple of minutes before that now; what luck! You can see our unique program in action! Step back, now. The residents are gathering. They always know when it's exercise time. You'll get to see why we're called 'rolling acres' here. 4:00! Here we go!  (tosses a number of small, white rectangles of thin paper on the floor; immediately, the residents dart forth and, pushing, shoving, and shouting, grab up the pieces of tissue paper.)

Okay, residents! Have you all got your paper? No? I threw out enough...Mr. Kirby, do you have more than one paper? You know the rules! Be kind, or no kynde.

(Mr. Kirby gives two of the papers he has gathered to those who have none. Now, everyone has a piece of paper.)

Thank you, Mr. Kirby. Now, the nurse will give each resident their share of this afternoon's ...medication.

(The nurse gives each resident a small, white, paper cup containing some sort of plant material.)

Now, residents, roll!

(the residents all begin to fill their papers with the material, then roll it into a cylinder; some do this clumsily, others are adept.)

This exercise is great for keeping arthritic hands nimble; you won't see anyone here with arthritis--in their hands, anyhow. Some of the residents have a bit of trouble with this; they're the ones who were previously what we here call 'bowlers' and 'pipers'.

Everyone rolls, though, here at Rolling Acres!

Stand back, now! Residents, phase 2!

(The nurse comes along and uses a lighter to ignite the cylinders the residents have made, and which now are held between their lips.)

We light these for them. Our residents, as you can see, have a lot of hair; a lot of facial hair, as well...wouldn't want any flaming heads! That's the name of our house band, by the way, THE FLAMING HEADS, so named for an accident we had before instituting this policy.

Now, you will see the residents do their breathing exercises. (louder) Residents! Inhale! (they all inhale loudly) Now, hold that breath...and hold...and hold...ready? (The guide and the nurse cover their mouths and noses with handkerchiefs, and our guide says) visitors, hold your breath for just a few seconds when I say the next word.(loudly) Exhale!

(waving away cloud bank of smoke) Inhale! Count to twenty, and...Exhale! Once more, inhale! Hold...and out! Okay, residents, park those  js behind the ear corresponding with your dominant hand, and, nurse?

Are you ready?(The nurse comes back with a large basket containing the 4:30 snack assortment.)

And, ready, set--wait for the whistle, Mrs. Nussbaum! No advantage for a cheater! (Nurse blows the whistle, simultaneously dumping the basket onto the floor.

The residents scramble for the basket's contents.

Residents are all giggling and chattering excitedly as they gather the snacks and repair to their seats around the perimeter of the room.

Cupcakes, candy bars, and small bags of salty snacks are eagerly being consumed as the guide begins to lead the crowd of millenials away.

I hope you have enjoyed this tour of ROLLING ACRES REST HOME FOR OLD OR DECREPIT HIPPIES. Have a pleasant rest of the afternoon!

  

Author's Note

Would you (or your parents) like to live in ROLLING ACRES? No picking from our shrubbery!

Reviews

[wordman]

rest home for old hippies,i can smell the smoke,hear those old folk ask if i want a toke
racing around in wheen chairs

[angel]

Heaven on Earth, man...they say Dylan's checkin' in soon!

[wordman]

i doubt it,but who knows

[angel]

Well, after all, he is almost 20 years older than I am, so...maybe? I'm sure he'd love it.

[wordman]

he can afford 24 hour care at home

[angel]

Yeah, he could be the boss...or he could be KING!!!!

[wordman]

happy thanksgiving

[angel]

To you, also!

[Onlyme]

Interesting tour of "Rolling Acres rest home". Quite an eye-opener to say the least. :)

[Neville]

sounds like my kinda joint...

[Lydia Shutter]

Interesting "brochure" for a rest home indeed. Not sure if you would be one living there or putting your parent there, but surely you have a stereotypical view of what life was life in the 60's. Amusing scenarios. Lydi**

[angel]

Stereotypical view? Honey, I WAS THERE! This is, I'll admit, a little exaggerated, but not much! Any other old hippies out there, jump in and back me up!

[Lydia Shutter]

And I was there as well. I was not into drugs though. Was into peace and love....there were lots of different levels of what you talk of here. Just because you did not see them does not mean they were not real.

[angel]

I guess we really traveled in different circles. I was also into peace and love...marched in literally scores of anti war protests and pro civil rights marches; I started going with my dad back when I was ten or twelve, and once I grew up, I remember sometimes hitchhiking miles to get to a big one...there was always weed around, though, and I was also heavily into acid...stopped it all when I got pregnant for the first time, and never touched the stuff again until my kids were teenagers (see A CRICKET JOINS THE BEATLES)
Once, when my kids were young (I think around 8 & 10), my son had a friend over, and they were playing in the living room. This kid looks behind the couch, and he asks my son what all those big pieces of cardboard and plywood were.
Johnnie says, "Those are my mom's protest signs".
The other kid asks, "What's she protestin'?"
Johnnie: "Whattaya got? If she's against it, she protests it. Heck, if she's really FOR somethin', there's a sign for that too.That's her thing...we were at a big protest a while ago because the KKK was havin' a big meeting."

[Lydia Shutter]

I was in sit-ins, protest marches, you name it. I wore a black arm band on my high school graduation gown to protest the Vietnam war...but drugs were not part of my scene at all.