DONALD GOES TO THE BORDER

Canada may invade, but the real threat is from Mexico right now! Never fear, however; Donald is on his way down there with a Faux "News" 'reporter'...

                     THE ANGINA                                 MONOLOGUES

                     Act 5

       DONALD AND KILMEADE                    STORM THE BORDER

                 Scene One

We see Donald sitting on Air Force One with Brian Kilmeade, of FAUX NEWS. They are talking about what they might find when they reach the Mexican border, which has come under attack by Mexican criminals!

Never fear, America! Donald will take the situation in (tiny) hand! 

BK(sounding awestruck):I can't believe I'm actually here, going to Mexico with you! You usually take Ainsley with you for your on the spot interviews.

D(regretfully): I would have, but Melania said if I did that, she would divorce me and take everything I have.

BK:(disappointed) Oh. (brightening)Good luck for me, anyway. I'm having a wonderful time!

D:(sounding bored):That's nice, Kilmeade.

                Scene Two

    On the ground at the border

D: (Looking around) Oh, my God, Kilmeade; look at all those Mexicans. They're pouring into our country! It's a vile,brown swarm of criminality!

(A Mexican family passes them, grandma pushing the youngest of several children in a stroller. The old lady is followed by a younger woman, her daughter, and also her son-in-law. The young woman's husband glances at Donald and Kilmeade with mild curiosity.)

D:(horrified):Did you see that, Kilmeade? He just gave me the Evil Eye!     

BK(stepping in front of DONALD):Don't worry, sir! I'll use my body to shield you! 

D(angrily)Why the hell didn't you do that before that guy tried to put a curse on me?

BK:(afraid)Curse? What curse?

D:Never mind. Get a cameraman over here. Tell him I'm here.

BK:Yes, sir!

D:(aloud, to himself):This doesn't seem so bad to me. It will all be over, though, when I build my big, beautiful wall!(closes eyes, appearing blissed out) I can just see it now...with a big, beautiful door...and I have the only key!

Kilmeade comes back with a cameraman in tow.

BK:See? I told you he was here!

The Cameraman grunts in a noncommittal fashion, points his camera at DONALD.

D(dramatically):Here I am at the Mexican/US border, bringing you news of this horrible foreign invasion.

The same family of Mexicans as before passes DONALD again. He points at them.

D: Thousands of Mexicans like these are literally pouring over the border  into our country! They will take the food out of the mouths of our children, and bring in much crime and misery! (He points next at a boy of, perhaps, sixteen, and adds): There are hundreds--no, thousands--of MS-13 members hidden in this crowd of innocent looking people. Gang members! Rapists! Drug pushers and hoodlums! (an old lady goes by holding the hands of two small children. Donald gasps, points at her with his finger shaking as he contemplates the horror of the situation.) The dregs of Mexico's underbelly! The invasion has begun! Arm yourselves! Arm your children!

(DONALD sinks to the ground, cowering in abject fear, then looks up into the camera one last time.)SAY NO TO THIS HORRIBLE INVASION!(he raises his tiny hands in supplication, closing his eyes in misery, and whispers his final words):Our country is doomed unless you get out and vote Republican next week.

BK(applauding, tears running down his cheeks):Just beautiful, sir. Inspiring!

D(smiles in an evil manner):One way or another, Kilmeade, I will get the money for my beautiful wall. (kicks a small Mexican child out of the way as he gets into his helicopter) Now, let's get out of this shithole.

BK:But, sir, we're in Texas.

D: I know. This isn't a rally, though. I can call a shithole a shithole today.

Next week, when we're at the rally in Buttcrack,Arizona, or whatever godforsaken piece of crap town it is, I'll say I'm glad to be there and enthuse over how beautiful it is there and how smart the stupid cattle of my base are. Today, though, I can be honest.(He glances at Kilmeade)Let's get out of here. This place smells like pee.

BK:That would be me, sir. It just excited me so much, having you be honest with me. That hardly ever happens. With anyone!

They get into the copter and head back to the airport.

Author's Note

Enjoying the adventures of Donald so far? Any suggestions about where you'd like to see him? I'm listening.

Reviews

[Samuel Dickens]

Whew! I'm so glad the donald got out of there alive! Why, anything could have happened to him--step in dog poo, be hit by a beam of sunlight, or... or blinded by human suffering! Once back aboard AF#1, I'm sure the crew kissed his a*s 1000 times and gave him his ba-ba.

[angel]

I'm sure that Kilmeade would want to be in on all that a*s kissin'!
Imagine...being that close to Donald's brain!
Thanks for your visit, Sam. Always nice to see you, especially now that you look even hotter!

[keith]

the trolls, the trolls … will it ever end?
will my thoughts be worthy?
how can i sharpen my crayons in effort to rise to the occasion and provide that which meets approval?
i so need guidance!

dime a dozen ...
but in his defense … nevermind!


old hippie works for me … peace!

[angel]

That's what the neighborhood kids call me; MRS. OLDHIPPIE, as though it were one word, and my actual name. I just smile and answer to it. Works for me, too.Pleased to finally meet you...Mr. Oldhippie? Or another Mrs.--Ms.?

[keith]

mr oldhippie? … yep that's me (is there any other kind?)
angrybuddhaguy/oldhippie eagerly staring down the completion of 7 decades (that sounds so old)

my pleasure making connection

[angel]

Likewise...now, if you'll excuse me, I'll bet it's 4:20 somewhere...

[Dave]

Angel - the only problem I have with this is - it seems so f*****g real!! Despite that, I looooove your imagination.

Take care - Dave

[Neville]

You certainly got the hang of this fact or fiction lark.. when the reader aint sure.. you can be sure its a good read.... and that's a fact.. for sure.... N

[Ken Simm.]

With Donald and Mickey(Pence) one wonders if Walt was really a clairvoyant.
No, scratch that those two originals were never that stupid. Now to this. I thought you were writing fictionalized satire? Oh you are! Its just that I get worried that I can see it as true. Bugger!

[angel]

Bugger, indeed.

[alanwgraham]

This is a true report of a trip to the wall - yes? Sadly no matter how exaggerated our writing is the truth seems to outdo us even more. The mystery is how his millions of supporters seem to live the lie.
Well done Angel for another chip in the chumpp!
Alan

[angel]

Or perhaps it's another chup in the chimp!

[john l smith]

this is the first story I have read and was well worth it
How about having him interview the pipe bomber they just arrested
possibly he could pin a medal on the lunatic's chest and then call it more fake news
Dave

[Phill Oz O'fee]

Another day in the pontiff's life - perhaps he should set off for Guantanamo bay; with the purpose of setting it up as an exclusive Democratic Party holiday' retreat (one way tickets only) … humorously nice to follow the ongoing adventures

[angel]

Getting ideas...stay tuned, and thanks to you both for your suggestions. They are good ones!

[Davidgeo]

Oh boy... more politicized click bait. So original. You're not Stephen Colbert... I felt embarrassed for you as I finished this. And I'm even on your side... ugh... but I gotta call it like I see it... this is pandering (and not even well written pandering)

ps -- you're doing the same thing that you're trying to vilify... how do you not see that?

[angel]

Just saying what makes me laugh...lighten up, man.
I know I'm not Stephen Colbert. I love him! OUR CARTOON PRESIDENT is a great show--even better than THAT'S MY BUSH! . disagree about its not being written well, though.
I spent maybe half an hour on it, and, for what it is, I believe it is well written enough; shall we say, competent?
If it upsets you, I'm sorry, but you'll have relief if you just don't read anything I write that starts with the name DONALD.
Pandering...yeah, you are right about that, but hey, man, somebody's gotta do it!~~peace~~

[Davidgeo]

Nice try at deflection. You're pandering to identity politics .... you're part of the problem. And you're not even original which makes you even more of a hack.

I know you expect people to fawn over your "work" but not everyone is inside your bubble. "peace"... yeah - it obvious you don't actually mean that... you're a passive aggressive identity politic orientated jack a*s. Keep up the s****y work, it makes me look better.

[angel]

Anything I can do to help, dear one. Just having a little fun here; don't come if you don't like it; that's what I do. And the peace part...yeah, I meant it. I'll keep saying stuff that I find humorous, and I would, if I felt as you do, just stay away from my s****y work. After all, if it's so awful, I sure wouldn't want to read it! I don't know nor do I particularly care if people don't like what I write. You could always block me, I guess. Would that be a satisfactory situation? As for me, I can only be what I am, and I'm okay with you feeling that way.Again, dear one,~peace~ I call it as I see it, is all. Lighten UP, man!

[Davidgeo]

I will comment on whatever I choose, the road goes both ways. Isn't telling someone to stay away from their publicly posted work if they don't like it kinda hypocritical? Are you only looking for praise? That's pathetic.

The whole "lighten up" rhetoric you're on is just an excuse for you to not acknowledge the obvious flaws in your thought process and writing. You get more and more pathetic every time you respond. I almost feel sorry for you at this point.

[angel]

kay. I'm fine with it. I don't mind being panned as well as praised. It'd a free country, so far, , and we can say what we please. That's what I do, and I think you should, too. Feel however you like, but I don't think you should waste time feeling sorry for me. I am having a ball!

[Onlyme]

Not political correct to say but fun as hell. sorry made me laugh and cringe as i could actually pic this going on between them both. so true.

[angel]

Its being true is part of what makes it funny, I think. It's...ironic, I guess.

[Onlyme]

thats the word i was hunting for ironic.