A HALLOWEEN PARTY AT THE TRUMP WH

Donald gets ready for a Halloween party

          THE ANGINA MONOLOGUES

               Act Two

              scene one 

the players:

DONALD

MELANIA

MIKE PENCE

KAREN PENCE

DONALD enters the room. MELANIA is looking at a scrapbook of WH halloweens past.

M:Donald, come look! When Barack was president, some child pretended to zap him in a superhero costume. Look how funny; he staggers and acts stricken.

D:Oh, hilarious.When the cameras were off, he was probably giving the kids terrorist lessons. He was getting them ready to overthrow my regime...I mean, presidency.

M:Oh, don't be silly, Donald. He was a very nice man. You never really gave him a chance. You just pretended to like him.

D:Well, he was sabotaging me before I moved in. You know it was him who told Joe Biden to paint all the mirrors in this place orange so that I was scared I was becoming a vampire.***

M:(Giggles)That was funny.

D:It was not! It was traumatic and terrifying.

M:(soothingly)Oh, Donald, I'm sorry.

Let's get you ready for the party.

D:Who is having this party?
M:The Pences, dear.(She is looking through the closet.

D:(with a groan): Oh, no;they always want to play all those dumb Bible games. I'm sure that Karen makes up the rules as we go along.And the questions are hard. How am I supposed to know what two Corinthians 3 whatever says.

M:You shouldn't have said it was your favorite scripture, Donald. Why did you?

D:Someone had carved it into the lectern at Liberty University. I just assumed it would be the right thing to say. I still don't know what was wrong with it. It's in The Bible, right?

M: Yes, but you should have told the truth. Your favorite book is THE BITTER BUTTER BATTLES.

D:(small smile)Stupid Zooks.

M:All right, let's see...(looking through clothes in closet):Donald, don't you have anything else besides blue suits, white shirts, and red ties?

D:I HAVE A DRESS.

M:Oh, that might be cute; why do you have that?

D(impatiently):It was Rudy's idea. He wore one too; we made out a little, it was no big deal. The fake news put the picture in the Failing NEW YORK TIMES. (LOOKS THOUGHTFUL):He was a pretty good kisser, that I can tell you.

Knock on the door: MIKE PENCE ENTERS,He is dressed as Donald. 

D:Come in; hello, Mike...Mike? Why are you dressed like that? 

MP (awkwardly):Happy...uh...Satan's birthday, I guess, Donald.Halloween is the anti-Christmas, you know. Still, I got a memo to hold this party, so I have to do it.Orders are orders.

D:What are we going to do first?

MP:Oh, Karen made a game. Its called WITCH HUNT.You shoot at the witches with a squirt gun...excuse the violent aspect of the game. There wasn't time to think of ways to make it better. Maybe next year, unless you get impeached and I become President.If that happens, this ungodly, bacchanalian festival is going to end, so help me God!(stops abruptly, breathing hard.

D(staring at Mike,admiringly):Hey, Mike! That's some pretty convincing acting!Maybe I should've had you on Millionaire...Break out the Boone's Farm Hippie wine. That's what you people drink, right?

KP(entering, big smile, large tray of fancy cupcakes):HAPPY DEVIL APPRECIATION DAY, EVERYBODY!If we pray while we eat these, maybe the evil will be reversed. It's a risk,but we're living on the edge tonight!

             APPLAUSE

            CURTAIN DOWN

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Author's Note

Donald Trump's popularity is skyrocketing...as a Halloween costume.
Talk about scary!

Reviews

[Neville]

Scary stuff indeed.. so why am I still laughing... Neville x

[Wesley Dingler]

Oh Man, this was too damn funny to me.
I have to read it again.
I love a good monologue.