DONALD GOES TO THE BARBERSHOP

Donald is at the barbershop having his head serviced

      DONALD GOES TO THE BARBERSHOP

          DONALD OUT AND ABOUT

                Act One

           

         THE PLAYERS:

             

          DONALD

          LUIGI,Donald's politically                      incorrect BARBER

          A DEMOCRATIC CUSTOMER

          THE AUDIENCE(that's you)

                

               Scene One

INTERIOR:BARBERSHOP:DONALD is Stage Right (of course), leafing through a magazine.

D:I am on the cover of every one of these, but not even one good picture. How is that even possible?

Dem.Cust.:You never smile. I've seen you here dozens of times, and I've never seen you do it.

L:(heavy Italian accent):Signore Donald, Come. Sitta you down. Makea you se'f comfortable.

D:Thank you, Luigi. How is business?

L:Don't you know, Signore Donald? You owna da shop.

D:(smiling)   That way I get my haircuts free!

L:(exasperated)But you make me paya you da rent!

D:(happily) That's what makes me a genius!

Luigi:(aside, to The Audience): That'sa what makes him an assahole!

D:(in a suspicious tone):What did you say?

L:I said Im-a gonna turn uppa da cold--the fan.

D:Oh, good. I am a little too warm. I need my hair fixed, Luigi. There were embarrassing pictures of me getting onto Air Force One this morning. My hair was flapping again.

L:I'm a fixa you right up, Signore.(Lifts, with difficulty, a gallon can of GLUE, and opens it.He dips a paintbrush into the can and, with his other hand, raises Donald's side hair flap. He slathers it with glue and presses it flat).There you go, signore. Good as-a new.(He hands DONALD a mirror.)

D: Nice, Luigi.You're a good immigrant; you're here illegally, but you work for me and it saves me money, so who cares.

Dem. Cust: About a million mexicans.

D(ignores him, puts on swim goggles):Now, Luigi, my tan.

Luigi hoists a huge aerosol container marked TAN IN A CAN, and sprays DONALD's Face and hands with it.

DONALD is now an even more vibrant orange.

L:There-a you go, signore.No one-a canna compare to you!(Looks at Audience, does a Burlesque wink, and whispers loudly:IN COLOR.

D(quickly):What was that?

L:I said, your hair--she is a beautiful thing! (to Audience) Not sure just what, though!

D(Getting up to leave) Thank you, Luigi; here's a tip for you. Look! Two dollars!

L: (under his breath) Oh, bellisimo! Now I can retire!

D: You're welcome! See you when the glue gets sloppy in the heat again!(He leaves)

Dem. Cust:How come you act like that when he comes in, Louie?

L: (no trace of an accent) Because this way, he doesn't dare fire me for all those embarrassing hair-flap pictures. He may be a cheap, arrogant b*****d, but those hair flap pictures are putting my kids through college!

They laugh, watching out the window as DONALD'S hair flaps forward in the wind, and both take a picture.

                                                APPLAUSE

           

           CURTAIN DOWN

Author's Note

Donald is at the Barbershop for a hair flap gluing and spray tan.

Reviews

[Neville]

Sounds about write.... the image you create here corresponds with the images and opinions of many here just across the pond from you... good luck on Tuesday by the way..... N

[Dave]

Angel - this is my first visit with you and your writings on the Trumpty Dumpty.
I promise I'll read the rest. Great going! I

I have a friend, from high school whose father just about lost his business on one of the occasions Trumpty Dumpty went bankrupt and managed to get away with paying his bill at only $.20 on the dollar. This was on grand pianos my friends' father had supplied to one of his casinos

[john l smith]

Another winner
Do you dream these up overnight
He is such a great target and that hair!! wow!!
Dave

[angel]

They are fed to me from FAUX news--the only "news" ever heard around here. He is an idiot, and I just take his stupidity to the next level. Glad you enjoyed it!

[Chris Shaw]

Entertaining and fun angel. Certainly very visual, picked up some very orange imagery.

Chris

[angel]

Orange is the new cracked, you know.

[Chris Shaw]

Is that so? Well it certainly brightens up my fruit bowl ("lol)