DONALD AND MELANIA TAKE TEA WITH THE QUEEN

The TRUMPS travel to England to meet with the Queen.

                     CURTAIN UP  

                        Act One

DONALD and MELANIA are in an anteroom in Buckingham Palace, listening as they are told how one is expected to behave while in the presence of the Queen.

Finally, the lesson is over; DONALD has not been paying attention, however. He is playing with his phone. 

They are brought into the Queen's presence.

D:"Hello, Mrs.--what is your  name, anyway? They forgot to tell me that.

M(blushing, mortified):Your Majesty.

D(impatiently)No, Melania, that's how regular people say it. I'm not a regular person. I'm more famous than her--EVERYBODY knows MY name.

DONALD REACHES TO SHAKE HANDS WITH HER, AND TWO GUARDS STEP FORWARD. THE QUEEN RECOILS.

M:Donald!  You're not supposed to touch her!

D: (looking scared):Why? Has she got something catching?

M:No, but that's the proper way to greet her.

D:Oh. Well, then, hi, Mrs. Buckingham. Nice to be here in your palace.

THE QUEEN(hereafter designated as Q): Mr. Trump.

D: So, is Charles around? I wanna ask him about that thing I read about him saying he wanted to be his girlfriend's tampon.

Q(horrified):We are most offended!

D(laughing):Yeah, I would be, too, if that was my son.

Q(trying to change the subject) Let's go in for tea, Mr. and Mrs. Trump.

D(sounding irritated):That's PRESIDENT Trump, Mrs. Buckingham.

 THE QUEEN IGNORES HIM, AND THEY SIT DOWN.

D(reaching for a cookie):Oh, I love these!

M(blushing;she nudges DONALD):Donald! You're supposed to wait for Her Majesty to begin eating!

D(with a rueful smile)Oh, yeah, what was I thinking; ladies first!

THE QUEEN PICKS UP A TEA SANDWICH AND TAKES A BITE.

D:Fair game now!(he grabs another cookie and eats it quickly.Smacks his lips, chews loudly):Hey, I like these!Melania, see if we can hire away her cook. I'll pay twice as much if she'll do it.

M:Donald, we're in England. The immigration laws you're so strict with the Mexicans over won't allow it.

D(scoffing)See me scoffing, Melania? I'm the ****ing PRESIDENT! WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO?

M:(under her breath, to audience, with a pleading look) 25th Amendment...

D:(businesslike)So,maidservant, how about it? Wanna come work for the King of America?...

MELANIA sneaks off, STAGE LEFT...

                       

                            CURTAIN DOWN

                             end of Act One

Author's Note

Act One of a series. How far will it go? Ask yourselves. As long as you enjoy them, I'll do them. It's fun! Hang on-- I see you there, Donald! Stop sexually harassing that flag!!!

Reviews

[Neville]

You have excelled yourself here my friend...yes please, keep em coming....then off with his ed.... N

[Lorry]

He was royally pissed that she kept him waiting ten minutes when he visited (or invaded, depending on your news channel)
And just for fun, you should google trump scottish golf course flag and see what comes up. The people around his golf course all flew mexican flags to piss him off :)

[angel]

My next story is going to be about how DONALD GOES GOLFING IN SCOTLAND--a wonderful country with no Mexicans at all. I WILL GO WRITE IT NOW...

[Lorry]

He'd be pretty much on the button, there certainly aint any mexican restuarants. Its eitger curry, pizza or chippies and kfc.
I do love how every one of the locals round his golfcourse, hate him more than ice cubes in whisky :)

[angel]

OOh, i'm gonna use that, if it's OK with you, my friend.

[Lorry]

Of course. Do not fear for the trumpet though. We have such terrible weather that we have an abundance of tanning salons, for him to keep up his tan the colour of a hangover piss.:)