The Unloved Heart of Olly Spink [finished]

Olly liked a boy named Anthony but he was nervous and allowed his fear to rule over his heart. He tried to ignore what his heart truly wanted.

My hands were shaking. Even my arms were, and I tried to stop it but I couldn't, so I put my arms between my legs which were pulled up to my chest, and began rocking back and forth. 

I was wearing one of my favorite shirts--a white sweetheart neckline top with puffy shoulders that had short sleeves with what appeared to be thousands of light pink flowers all over it. My top was tucked into my wide boot-cut high-waisted light blue jeans that exposed my entire ankle. My shoes were black dance shoes. They were my favorite. I loved them because they made me feel simple and pretty. 

I was sitting in one of the many booths that are located all along the sides of the hallways in my school. I put the right side of my face on my right knee and closed my eyes. I could smell mint...and chocolate. I smiled. It smelled good. 

My thick big blue framed circa 1970s glasses fell off one of my ears and they were pushed to the side. My hands still shook even though I was holding them in front of my knees, hugging my legs. I wished it would stop soon. I squeezed my hands together until i felt pain but i could still feel them move. I'm tired of this. I even asked the gods if They could help me out, but They didn't hear me. 

“It’s okay. It’s okay” I said over and over in a whisper, hoping nobody could hear me. I began to rock back and forth until I heard someone’s voice. 

“H-hello, Olly,” a gentle but deep voice called. 

I looked up. This was when I realized I had been crying. A tall boy with a curly blonde afro with highlights was standing in front of me. He had this comically large black backpack with him that I would laugh at internally but it always upset me when people make fun of things like that. My own parents do that and it upsets me; yes, I have a big backpack but I have things I need in there...like tissues for when you make fun of me. I looked past his bag and looked at his eyes. 

His smile was nice. He looked friendly and a little familiar, but I couldn't place my finger on where I knew him from. I placed my feet on the floor and they trembled. I wished my anxiety would just go away, even just for a little while so I could talk to Curly Boy. 

“H-hello,” I said softly. My voice didn't feel like it was a part of me, or was even mine anymore. I was a little scared and very nervous. This boy turned his head to the side. Maybe he was confused or maybe he was worried. I couldn't tell. Maybe both? He was towering over me from a few feet away. He is quite tall. I thought, my mind smiled at him but my pink lips stayed straight as a line. 

“A-are you okay?” He asked. He took a step closer and I flinched and immediately looked down. He stopped in his tracks. “May I sit?” he asked gently. I nodded and looked up at him as he took off his big black backpack and set it on the floor. He sat in the booth a foot and a half away from me. He looked down at his hands that were now clasped together and in his lap. He rubbed his thumb on his other hand’s thumb. 

I scooched away from him. He looked up at me. All he did was smile. It was quiet for a moment, then he spoke. “You don't recognize me, do you, Olly?” He asked quietly. I could hear a slight joy and laugh from his voice. It made me relax slightly, and only for a moment. At that moment I felt joy. I wasn't tense. It was nice. 

I shook my head. “No,” I whispered. 

“Hmm,” He started. I was surprised he heard me. He has good hearing! I thought. “My name is Anthony. I have seen you in the hallways and in Building One. That is where a lot of students hang out or study and there are some clubs up there, too,” 

My mouth was a little agape. “Oh!” I exclaimed softly. “I-” I couldn't get the words out. I didn't know what words to say, anyways. 

“Speechless?” Anthony asked with a cheeky smile. 

I nodded. Anthony smiled and bowed his head then lifted it again. “That's okay. I'll just talk and you just...stop me when you want to speak, yeah?” He paused. “That would be how a conversation works, Anthony. Stupid,” Anthony said to himself which made me giggle. “Sorry for mansplaining how a conversation works for you. I didn't mean it like that.” I laughed. He took a deep breath and my smile faded slightly. Was he nervous, too? I wondered. 

Anthony stood up. “Okay, so. Where was I? Oh, yes! Friends!” He exclaimed. Anthony was quite the energetic gentleman. “I’ve seen you hanging out near the student center where there's like a giant office,” He said slowly as he motioned how big the office was with his hands. I giggled and nodded. With hands above his head, he laughed. His thumb was sticking out and his other fingers glued together like he was setting the scene. “You. Y-you know what I’m t-talking about? Great!” Anthony said quickly. He didn't move his hands, they were still in the air with his arms. “Then there are these rooms. There, uh, um, they are clubs! Yes, right. Clubs.” he moved his arms, trying so hard to show me the layout of the rooms and the area in Building One. “I spend some time in a few of those clubs just going from one door to another. Back and forth, back and forth,” Anthony smiled and looked at me from over his shoulder. He was motioning with his hands as he spoke. I think he could feel my tension falling away as I laughed at what he said and what he did. Anthony also noticed my eyes closing a lot. He placed his arms to his side and sat down. “That's where I see you hanging out with people but, um,” he was quieter, less excited. I put my hands on the edge of the booth seat and wrapped my fingers around the thick blue leather of the seat. I straightened my arms and leaned forward, closing my eyes. “I-I hope this is okay to say, it seems your head is somewhere...far away.” I had thought for a moment he was quoting Sound of Music. “Y-you don't talk to them, you just sit,” Anthony whispered. My eyes shot open. I was just appalled. Not in a bad way just, Woah! How could anyone or how could he notice these things? About me? The most forgettable and invisible human in the known universe. 

I gave him a look and his eyes widened. “Did I just seriously offend you? Like, big time?” 

I shook my head, a frown forming, as I placed a hand over my mouth. I rubbed my mustache. “I'm okay,” I whispered. “‘I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m okay,” I whispered to myself. He frowned. I was trying to convince myself, but I don’t think it worked. I think he picked up on that. 

My brain swarmed with millions of thoughts and I squeezed my eyes shut. He was quite patient. He didn’t stare at me while I had a mini-breakdown or anything. He was quiet. I could feel him looking away from me until I was ready to begin speaking again. I took a deep breath, most refreshing at that. 

“I just didn't know anyone noticed...or noticed me,” I said a little louder. I put my hand back down on the seat. He nodded slowly and looked into my eyes that were staring off into space. The wall in front of us was white, and there were cracks in it. I wondered what it was like to be inside of them. I couldn’t help but look at it, hoping I could fall into it. 

“Okay,” Anthony said quietly. “I noticed you, so--” He trailed off and shrugged his shoulders. I turned my head sharply towards him. I looked at him and smiled. That's when I noticed him leaning in closer to me and my heart skipped a beat. Woah, what can that mean? I asked myself, wondering why I suddenly felt nervous. 

“I-I like your name, Anthony,” I said looking at him. I gave him a small smile. He took a deep and shuddering breath. Did I just make him nervous? I wondered. Woah! 

“Th-thank you, Olly,” Anthony said with a smile. His blue eyes encapsulated my soul as they twinkled in the fluorescent lighting of the school’s hallway. He scooched closer to me and fear flooded my heart chambers. I froze. “I remember seeing you sitting there with your friends. Your braids were always so lovely to look at,” Anthony said, nervous but excitedly. “You had this style where you let two braids fall, one on each side of your face, then, you’d tuck the rest behind your ear which would push your ears out. I don't know, I thought it was cute,” Anthony took a deep breath. He was nervous! I thought, shocked. How could he be nervous talking to me? I’m a nobody. I thought. 

I smiled. He began to make me feel nice. What was this? I wondered, suddenly scared. What was this he was doing? My heart skipped another beat. I could feel his warmth. Yeah, he was that close to me. I liked it but I didn't know if I could trust it. My heart has taken me down some dangerous roads and I'm scared to feel again because who knows what I would be feeling. 

I scooched closer to him. I liked how he made me feel even if it scared me. Maybe I can trust? I thought. Maybe I could fight past the fear? I thought. 

I smiled and rubbed my lips together nervously. “Mm, strawberry lip balm,” I said quietly. Anthony smiled at me. 

“C-can I have a hug?” I asked, nervously, trying to push against my own fear. 

Anthony smiled. “Of course, Olly. I love hugs!” He exclaimed his smile forcing his eyes to curve and crinkle at the corners. 

I leaned in and he wrapped his arms around me. I raised my shoulders into my neck as I shivered into his arms. A shock of warmth coursed through my entire body. His arms. They were warm. This was lovely and comfortable because I was cold and feeling quite alone...until now. “Mm,” I said, closing my eyes and leaning my head against his chest. Anthony rubbed my back and I giggled. My right ear was taken over by the sound of his beating heart. It was beating fast. “You’re nervous, aren't you?” I asked slowly. I was confused, but I was also just...happy to be in his arms. Wow, this was nice. I thought. 

Anthony laughed. “How did you know?” He pushed away from me a bit and looked down at me. 

“Your heart. Beating fast,” I said, pulling away slightly to look up at him. Anthony looked down at me and nodded. I smiled at him. His eyes glistened like a bright star in a dark sky. I was scared of the feelings he was making me feel but I was fighting every instinct I had to stay in his arms. I felt comfortable here. 

We pulled away from each other and when I did my braids flew in front of my face. 

“Are you feeling better?” Anthony asked, scooching an inch away from me. I smiled and nodded as I tucked my braids behind my ear. “Good, “ He said, trying to hide a cheeky smile. 

He was pale, Anthony, but he had freckles on his cheeks and they got bright as his cheeks flushed. “Are you b-blushing?” I muttered, hoping he wouldn't hear me. I think he did because he looked down, embarrassed. 

“Are you?” I asked. He nodded and I scooched closer to him and leaned my head on his shoulder and he scrunched down. I closed my eyes and we sat in silence for a little bit. It was so nice. He slowly reached his arm over to me and placed a hand over mine which was in my lap, placing his on top of mine. I smiled. The warmth ran through me and I felt happy. 

Anthony, after many silent beautiful moments, squeezed my hand and I leaned away from his shoulder. I couldn't believe what had happened next. He leaned in and kissed me! Very soft. It felt really amazing, but I couldn't fight the overwhelming amount of fear inside me anymore. I grabbed my bag and thermos filled with ice-cold water and sprinted down the hallway. 

Anthony’s mouth had fallen open. “Olly,” He said softly. He stood as he watched me run down the hallway and disappear around the corner. 

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Author’s note: 

How did you like part one? Sorry I left it on a bit of a cliffhanger. I do hope you're enjoying it. More is coming soon, so, please stay tuned!

-A.F.E.

___________________________________________________

Part two: 

I sprinted all the way down the hallway and slipped out a door near the subway shop that leads to outside. A path made up of light pink bricks led to the middle of the court, so I followed it, still running, but slowing down, until I made it to the center of the court. I stopped. I was feeling lots of things, but disabling my emotions for two seconds all I felt was tiredness and fatigue. 

After my break, I ran and ran until I reached Building Six, one building up and three buildings over from where I was with Anthony. We were in Building Two.

I breathed heavily and let my bag slip off my back and I dropped it onto the floor softly, and my emotions slid back into existence and my memory flooded with what just happened. My eyes widened and I placed my thermos on the cold tile floor. My fists clenched. Hard. “YOU DON’T JUST KISS STRANGERS OR PEOPLE YOU'VE ONLY JUST MET!” I screamed in the isolated and vacant staircase in Building Six. I slid my back down the wall and began to cry. I didn't know why I was crying, all I knew was that I was upset. “You don’t just kiss someone you like if that's even what this is because honestly, let’s be real, who on earth would like me? You don't just--be vulnerable with people?!” I said in a whisper, my voice weak. What I was thinking and saying wasn’t making sense. I would soon see that, but not now. 

I couldn't believe what he did! So many thoughts ran through my brain filled with confusion or anger and sometimes a mix of both. We just met! Does he think it’s ok to kiss strangers? That’s just...beyond rude, you know? Ugh! I'm so angry. It was going so well, too. It was so nice being with him then he ruined it by...ugh! 

I would soon realize that I was allowing fear to upset me. Yes, Anthony was way out of line in what he did, but I was angrier because of my fear, not because of what he did. I soon realized this, but again, not now. 

Ever since the day Anthony kissed me under the fluorescent lights of the school hallway, I have been dodging him. One time I was reading a book in the library and I spotted his five-foot-seven-inch self walking in. He made eye contact with me and I froze for a moment, then I ran out the back door with the book in my hand. I breathed heavily as I slid on the wall outside the library. I squeezed my eyes shut. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn't even move.  I would have run farther away so he couldn't catch me but I was paralyzed by fear. 

Another time, I was in the hallway walking to writing class and he was passing me in the hallway, so I turned around and jogged down the hallway and cut into another side hallway.  I hope I lost him. I thought. 

There was this other time I was hanging out with friends in Building One. I was sitting there twirling a braid around my finger when I saw Anthony walk into the big office. He turned and saw me. I froze, again. I grabbed my bag and thermos and ran through the many double doors on the right and slid down the wall, my knees coming to my chest. I heard the doors open again but my mind left reality. I was trying to catch my breath when suddenly, Anthony was standing over me. 

“Olly?” He started softly speaking. He was very soft-spoken. Have I mentioned that before? My eyes were closed. I wasn't here. I was in my happy place. Please, I thought. 

“Y-you keep running away from me, Olly. Why?” Anthony asked slowly. His voice broke and I could hear the sadness in his voice and it made me sad, too. I opened my eyes and stared at my knees. I blinked a lot and shrugged my shoulders. “Come on, Olly! Throw me a bone!” He exclaimed. I could see he was desperate for an answer and I owed him that. I knew that. Since the first time I dodged him, I put myself in his shoes as best I could. If it were me, I'd want an answer, I thought. 

I thought that at this moment, too. I knew I'd have to tell him. I was very scared. I cleared my throat and took a deep breath. “Okay.” I started, my voice cracking. “My heart is filled with and surrounded by these...spider webs. It’s been...” I laughed lightly and he gave a small uncomfortable smile as he squatted down, placing his black backpack on the floor next to him. He looked into my eyes that were facing the floor. I took another deep breath and looked at him. His eyes were so kind. Gentle. They really truly did relax me, somehow. “It has been quite a long time since someone made me feel special. Four years, to be exact. Nobody could make me feel like I was loved. I thought that I’d stay unloved; I came to the conclusion that I was unlovable,” 

Anthony nodded at me, his blue ocean eyes widened. “And then?” He asked in a whisper. I smiled a little and giggled. 

“And then...you happened.” I laughed and put a hand to my face covering up my smile. “You stopped in the hallway. You cared about how I was feeling. You knew I wasn't okay but you didn't push me to talk to you about it. You just...sat there with me,” I looked into his eyes and realized he was much closer; our faces were less than a foot apart. “Y-you held my hand. You k-kissed me. Then I ruined it by running away. I realize that now,” I sighed. 

Anthony shook his head. My hands were sitting on my knees which were still pulled up to my chest. He reached his hand out to touch mine. “You ruined nothing,” 

I shook my head and he squeezed my hand, his pinky grazing my knee for a second. He rested his hands on top of mine; I could feel his pressure and I smirked at him, my chin dropping and my eyes darting at him. “I was scared of what you made me feel...which was happy, warm, joy, l-love...” 

Anthony smiled. “Do you usually run away from fear?”

“Yes, because it is scary. My fears scare me,” He bowed his head and gave a small laugh as he rubbed tiny circles with his thumb on the top of my hand. 

Anthony looked up and into my eyes. “What would happen, do you think, if you ran into the source of your fear?”

“Hmm, that sounds like something that is asked in therapy,” I said, putting a finger to my mouth and looking at the ceiling dramatically. 

Anthony smiled, knowing I knew that wasn’t exactly what he meant. “Olly? What if you ran towards what was scaring you?” He whispered. 

All I could do was focus on how I reflected back into his blue eyes. This was the scary part that also felt good. I smiled and put my hand to the back of his head, his blonde curls rolled between my fingers. “I’d be happy,” I said, slowly. 

Anthony smiled. “Mm,” He said, leaning his head back. He opened his eyes and faced me, putting a hand to my back. I leaned in, inches between my and his face. “I'd be happy to run into the fire of my fear if it means I get to be with you. If it means I get to do it with you,” I whispered. 

All he did was smile at me. I leaned in more and I kissed him softly. He wrapped his hand across my back onto my side and squeezed. I giggled and wrapped both of my hands on his cheeks. They were soft. 

“I thought my heart was unlovable forever,” I said, a few inches away from his lips.  

Anthony pulled away slightly to look at me. “And who told you that?” He asked with a frown.

“Experience. Heartbreak. Me,” 

Anthony smiled. “Well, you were wrong,” He said simply, lifting my chin with his yellow-painted fingernails. 

I smiled.  A moment of silence passed as we stared deep into each other’s eyes. “I just want to stay here forever,” I whispered, letting go of more of my fear. 

Anthony put a hand to my cheek and rubbed it gently with his thumb. He pulled away. “That can be arranged,” He said with a smile, a silly face, and a nod. 

After this, he took me out of the school by my hand and we walked to a nearby beach. We waltzed down the road until we reached the sand and the shore. I sat on the sand and focused on the ocean. He stood next to me. I smiled at the waters, shimmering in the disappearing sun. 

“You know, you and the ocean have the same colored eyes,” I asked him, looking up at him. He was so tall. 

My knees were pulled up to my chest once more and I hugged my knees. I turned my head to the side and leaned into my knees. Anthony was looking at the sky. He was towering over the sand and me, again. 

Anthony squatted down next to me and he smiled. “Yes we do,” He said. “You like the ocean?”

My arm covered my mouth but I could see over my elbow. I nodded with a smile. “I love it here,” 

“Then, we’ll stay,” Anthony said, hugging me and kissing the top of my head. He sat next to me until the sky got dark and the stars shined bright against the dark sky, brighter and lighter than any sun I’ve ever seen. 

Fin. <3

Author's Note

I hope you're enjoying my story. My dream is for people to see themself in my writing. I hope somehow it helps you. Thank you for all your support.

Reviews

[Vertigo Cat1111]

Wow. There’s so much to say because this was so amazing. This feels as if it deserves to be a short film! Even the title was brilliant and the main character? Incredibly, incredibly relatable, fleshed out and lovable. We all have that fear and tears and how we choose to deal with us and many are like Olly! Emotional, and fearful. I loved how you emphasized that he was afraid, but the thing he was afraid of was finally good and the only way to fix the fear, was to run towards the thing he was scared of. To wrap it all up, the dialogue, especially towards the ending? Brilliant, powerful all the while being realistic and being such a cute relationship. You’re physical descriptions as well are always charming and so fun to read. I can’t wait to see more of your ideas and work, because each one I read is so unbelievably fun and good! Good luck writing and have fun! (:

[angel frankie]

Dearest Colacat,

youre the reason i continue to write. eternally grateful and I'm soooo happy you like my writing! I recently uploaded a new piece of writing and its different than my other works. i am so happy you like my writing. many blessings to you.

[angel frankie]

"short film"?? my heart blooms. i am so touched honest

[Vertigo Cat1111]

That’s so inspiring for me too! I love that I can help inspire you and I’ll be back to review your new piece! Many blessings to you too, (: