Eager To Be One With You

Some lines that could bring the heat and ice to your mind.

For you I would rather die and live 
I would sink and rise
I would kill the world 
And wait for you to blew my spirit 
I am all into the one 
Into you my everlasting keeper

Reviews

[Smarmadon21]

Kind of a desperate love, I'm not sure if that's how you meant it to read though. But I liked it just for the fact that it comes off as someone who would do anything for their love. I feel like you could expound a little more though, you could turn it into a tragic love story, or have it evolve into a tale of love turned to hate.

[Rahul]

Short poem, well written. Theme came from the life like "Live or Die". Nice flow of ink.

[Angel Bella]

Thanks for your time.

[Leonard Birch]

Love this work. So true. Keep writing.
Leo

[Angel Bella]

Thank You.

[Anand Sehgal]

This is the true intensity of prayer that we need. I need to tell that to ourselves. God is within us, we have arouse the almighty :)

[Angel Bella]

Thank you, this is more than what my work really deserve.

[Anthony Hall]

A beautiful spiritual piece of poetry..Tony**

[Angel Bella]

Thanks for your time :)

[Anthony Hall]

You're welcome, Angel..Tony**

[Sami Khalil]

A splendid read and write...Pen on...:)

[Angel Bella]

Thanks and welcome.

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

This is an interesting write...I like the concise nature and the way that the words flow together. You were very careful with what words you chose and that illicited a certain emotion that was quite beautiful. Love...it can be our "everlasting keeper"--less the person and more the feeling.

Suggestions:

These two lines seem to be slight off--

And wait for you to blew my spirit -- I'm wondering if you mean "blow" my spirit of "blue", as in the color? I would suggest "And wait for you to claim my spirit", because you are speaking of the pure giving nature of love...you are offering and waiting for your love to "claim" you.

I am all into the one -- Again, I'm wondering if you meant "I am completely into you", as in speaking to your lover, or "I am completely into the one", the "one" being the all encompassing being of spirit? I would suggest:
And wait for you to claim my spirit
I am completely into the one --
Into you my everlasting keeper

I think by adding "claim" and taking out the phrase "all into", the piece flows nicer. Anyway, just my thoughts. Overall, though, I really enjoyed this one! I will definitely be back to read more!

[Angel Bella]

Welcome Sarah. I will consider your valuable suggestions :D

[Elinor Williams]

Very cathartic, and very personal! Very much enjoyed this :D

[Angel Bella]

Thanks for the nice comment Elinor.

[Inspiring Writer]

I think the tittle should have "EVERLASTING KEEPER"... isn't it. but your one's also nice... i liked this piece much from heart. It's again contained some Rhyme and the last two llines're heartfelt lines'. Beautiful job once again. Write some more stuffs.

[Angel Bella]

Thanks. I will keep your title in mind don't worry. Welcome again!

[Inspiring Writer]

Your welcome!
And thanks for your kind words... i'd love to read more on it too if you do plan to continue it.

[Angel Bella]

Poetry is just a quick impulse trough words. This short poem is complete to me and I do not think it has any other volumes lol

[Inspiring Writer]

lol, well, that's great too if you don't wanna continue it... lol it's Nice as it is now. Ii just said cuz, i wanted to read more about it... how yu think, how you write and so on... you've a great Imaginary indeed.'...but anyway, it's ok. If it's complete write to you, but its not to me... lol so, i'll try to make my own in an other way as a continution of it. :)

[Angel Bella]

whatever suits you lol

[Andie]

My favorite is "I would kill the world."
Such a powerful words, I love it!

[Angel Bella]

Thanks and welcome.