Nihility

A little something I wrote about the loss of self

And I kind of sat there, watched time fly before me, in slow motion.

 I watched them laugh,

watched them smile,

 I saw my ghost in the dark, smiling with cruelty,

she has something that I never will I guess.

It’s strange to finally see what you’re missing

To finally see the dead parts of you

They’re like the black petals of a flower

That have been crushed at the bottom of a vase

It took me awhile to feel it, to feel the loss

I search for the words I could’ve said

I search for the person I could’ve been

But I don’t see her

All I can see is the dark

The stories about my mom bring her back to life

They also bring me back to life

And my chest will ache and burn

With what I wish my heart could feel

And I’ll look up at the stars

And think about being nothing

Nothing without her.