Twenty One

A Story by Angela

It happens; it's life.

When I think about the person I was four years ago, or even a year ago, I can't believe how much I have changed. For some it's a little, for some it's a lot, for me it definitely is drastic. It didn't happen over night. I've watched myself develop into myself, without realizing what was even going on. Change is not as scary as I imagined. You slowly begin to blossom into somebody without even thinking twice about it. I am still me but just with a twist. I don't see myself as the silly, naive person I was. I hate the band I thought I'd love forever. My music taste has changed. I enjoy dying my hair. But that doesn't make me a different person. Growing up does not have to mean being a "boring adult." There are so many definitions for "growing up", and that is why we don't realize when it is occurring. That is why I hate it when people say: "You are awesome, don't change." I'm sorry, but that is something I cannot control. You cannot control. We cannot control. Nobody can control.

I was reading over my high school senior year book comments, and about half the people wrote: "you are such a sweet person, don't change. You're so happy and full of life, don't change." I laughed to myself. I hate to break it to them, but I have changed. You cannot tell somebody to not change, because it is unavoidable. I think we mostly change when we realize we can finally be ourselves and not try to impress people that do not care about us. Because to be honest... I did not even know who I was. I do know, though, If my mind was still the same way it was four years ago, I would not make it in the world.

I'm still a sweet person (I think.) And I am still full of life, hopefully. I'm not happy all the time, I have my days. Don't we all? Most of the time, I have to remind myself why I should be happy because sometimes I am way too negative when I don't have a reason to be. Getting older adds unnecessary stress that I don't need in my life. I really should chill out. I realize, it's okay to be sad and not know where you are going. Everyone gets like this. I may have seemed like that "happy and overjoyed" person, but I was pretending. I only acted that way because everyone was like that. I had to fit in. We all had to fit in. Confidence is extremely hard to gain, especially when you are surrounded by fake wannabes every day. And want to know something else? Once I accepted my high school diploma, I never saw those "friends" again. It was good-bye high school, hello world.

I still get confused and just go with the flow. There are times when I doubt my choices in life and wonder if I will even make it. It is super weird to say I will be twenty-one on Monday, because I don't feel any older. I just feel different. I know I am not the same person, and it is a good thing. Change should not be something we are afraid of, we should embrace it. After all, you only get one life.