Emotional Suicide

A quick-write poem that went further than I expected......

I disgust myself
that there are times
I really truly hate my life
But
That is al-f*****g-right
BeCause I wear forever
On the left of my side
A midnight Black kbar knife
darkened from use,
the redwood handle
Offers an excellent grip
so a I can provide
A lovingly viscous but correct downward slice
To the prominent vein in my right wrist so that Death
Is something I won't miss.
I don't care if suicide
Is considered by you norms
As absolutely selfish
For I know it is.
Maybe it's the only way
I can get people to say
That they really love me
And to whatever God(s)
To whom they pray
Might just take pity
On this loser who turned
His whole life s****y
When He realized
Folks only read the words
He writes out of morbid pity
Dishonorable death
Is my only option.
Only I'm so f*****g poor
I can't even afford a coffin
At least my death
Will make my mother's day
A bit more crappy
When she learns it ain't fun
To laugh at me dead
As much as it was
when I was alive.
Maybe I'm wrong because
I can't forget the laughter
In her cold eyes
When as a fugitive
my drug addicted dad died alone except for the empty pill bottles at his side
So all I really know
In my genetically diseased generally fucked up life
Is I love this kbar knife
I carry on my left side
Because the wicked blade thankfully allows me,
Sober or high,
The wonderful possibility
To say to all of you:
Good-bye

Drew Kazinsky
August 8, 2015
Kazinskyville, NorCal
Westies209

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I hope you are okay my friend. I could tell you my story. Foster homes and AWOL parent. Made me try to be different. Your words strong and direct. I honestly believe. People who have swim in s**t will know how to celebrate the better days. I became a good father and person because of bad examples. No-one can lock you in or control your mind unless you want it. Powerful poetry my friend.
Coyote

[Andrew N. Farrens]

Thanks, man, I was trapped within my head when I wrote this. Apathy is my main enemy and I feel like I suck at this writing thing anyway so maybe it's time to give it all up. Then the words arrive and drive me insane until I write them. I post on here not just so folks can read my stupid whinings but truthfully I give a s**t in a silver chalice about anyone liking what I write because I write for myself, to exorcise the demons. Only, I've found of I don't share it, it becomes a more potent poison and there is no escape from such internal turmoil. I hate to b***h because you sound like you've been through it so all apologies for my trivial s**t. Thank you for your comment. You are my favorite on here for the kindness you show me and other writers in the Cafe.
Res Ipsa Loquitur

[Coyote Poetry]

Was my pleasure and you are welcome.

[MoriartyMesa]

“Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand,” one of Mark Twain's most famous quotes, propounds the idea that humor can serve as a social corrective in American political life. Mark Twain scholars and the general public have tended to regard these words as a condensed version of the writer's credo as a humorist. By retracing the history of the phrase, which first appeared in The Mysterious Stranger, six years after Mark Twain's death, and by placing it in the context of nineteenth-century American political humor, this article draws attention to the tensions between the original meaning and its popular interpretation. At the same time, it illustrates the difficulties and complexities involved in the attempt to portray Mark Twain's concept of humor.

[Mary Christabel George]

There are times when we absolutely feel pathetic about our life.
And we don't have a fabulous family to look after the matter either.
Then these thoughts make space in our brains.
Andrew we have friends to share, we have our insight to pen it down.
Thanks for sharing Friend.

[Sami Khalil]

Powerful words and emotions laid out bare with high possibilities to unfold. Excellent. .....:).....

[Myenigma]

its difficult when our mentors and parents are the ones that put us down ,ironically many times they are the ones who do and who hurt us the most,. I assure you tho.., that one day when life is said and done, we will look back, and not feel pain but instead we will laugh at those memories as they start fading away. stay strong man for it's always darkest before dawn, life gets better, it does! and don't stop writing!