The Mind of an Addict

A poem I wrote that is about the loss of life due to addiction..... Song version: http://youtu.be/Y2xjMKXOCf0

The Mind of an Addict

Andrew N. Farrens

The Mind of an Addict

It’s Much More than just a Habit

It’s a Way of Living

And to the Next Addict

You are always Giving,

Grief and Pain

But It keeps you

Relieved and Sane

It’s just that Simple and Plain

The Mind of an Addict

It’s Much More than just a Habit

It’s a Way of Living

And to the Next Addict

You are always Giving,

Grief and Pain

But It keeps you Relieved and Sane

How else is an Addict supposed to Maintain

If They can Never Find a Way to Complain

I was Created by the Destruction of the World!!

As I draw breathe inside,

I Die,

A little more until the very notion of Life is a Lie

And because of this

People Hurt and Destroy

Thus, creates the very need for me to get High

I know my habits aren’t Healthy

But Intoxication is the only Thing that I believe can Help Me

My latest Prediction of this Cursed Affliction

Is that if I stay on course,

In a couple of years, I’ll be in a State of Full Blown Addiction

I’m Scared Every Night as Time runs out

Marked by the Clock steadily tickin’

Climbing in my Skin with Weird Spots on Body itchin’

And I’m Hungry

but I spent my Last Dollars on a High

So there’s never Food in the Kitchen

That’s the Force of My Addiction

Causing my Decay and a Case of Malnutrition

I Search the Earth in hopes of Absolution

But I can’t do battle without Self Motivation Ammunition

A Prayer to Lucifer Himself doesn’t even Help

Cause even He won’t Listen

One Night, when I was Sick and Mad

One Night, when I was Ripped and Sad

I made a Plea for the Devil to come and take My Soul

He appeared before me and with a mocking grin,

He said No

His Explanation was delivered with little Hesitation

Life Hurts more than an Eternity of Soulless Inflammation

I said,

I’d rather be Damned than Suffer through Salvation

And it was here,

He Stops and Interrupts Me

What He said Dug Down Deep Inside and It Cut Me

He had reason for not wanting My Soul

My Punishment was to see what I could have always Controlled

And That Was My Life........

The Mind of an Addict

It’s Much More than just a Habit

It’s a Way of Living

And to the Next Addict

You are always Giving,

Grief and Pain

But It keeps you

Relieved and Sane

It’s just that Simple and Plain

The Mind of an Addict

It’s Much More than just a Habit

It’s a Way of Living

And to the Next Addict

You are always Giving,

Grief and Pain

But It keeps you Relieved and Sane

How else is an Addict supposed to Maintain

If They can Never Find a Way to Complain

I wish for the Moon Light

as I sit and I Write

Why do these Words come out at Night?

Try as I Might, I Hate My Life

Keeping My Enemies in Sight

Knowing No Difference between Wrong and Right

I’m in the 12th Round of a Lost Fight and I’m still High as a Kite

My Main Focus in Life is to Stay High

Don’t Bother Asking Me Why

Except maybe it’s the Easiest Way to Die

It’s a Reoccurring Theme, it seems,

When I’m Trapped within these Things

And Everybody Screams

Yesterday I awoke in Cold Sweat from Dreams

I want to Forget but for Her Memory, that’d be Disrespect

So I calm myself with a Cigarette

Inhale Clean Nicotine and I’m fine

I’ve been Sick and Tired for a Time

But I’m Sick and Tired of Meaningless Rhyme

It’s all a Tedious Whine

Look in the Mirror, Man, and See what You Find

I don’t Need to Look in My Eyes

I don’t Need to Recognize the Disguise

My Mind Uses to Hide the Lies

I tell Myself Everyday that this is what Works

When most of your Friends happen to be Jerks

And I’m an Atheist so there’s

No Point in going to Church

So I guess I should find Help somewhere else

Now would some-one tell Myself to Shut The F**k Up

And please go back to hell

Maybe kick back and smoke crack

With my cousin Jason Mitchell**

The Mind of an Addict

It’s Much More than just a Habit

It’s a Way of Living

And to the Next Addict

You are always Giving,

Grief and Pain

But It keeps you

Relieved and Sane

It’s just that Simple and Plain

The Mind of an Addict

It’s Much More than just a Habit

It’s a Way of Living

And to the Next Addict

You are always Giving,

Grief and Pain

But It keeps you Relieved and Sane

How else is an Addict supposed to Maintain

If They can Never Find a Way to Complain

The Mind of an Addict

Andrew N. Farrens

Stockton, California

2003

**My cousin Jason Mitchell died of crack overdose in 2003 and the first verse and the chorus I wrote a week before his death. It’s weird because I wrote it about him and the second verse is about myself. This poem/song is dedicated to both my dead father, Laurence R. Farrens, who also died of an overdose of prescription drugs and my cousin, Jason Mitchell A.K.A. SHADOW.S.S.S.X.I.V.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2xjMKXOCf0&feature=player_embedded

Reviews

[Shreyas Tripathy]

Very well portrayed !
I am truly sorry for your loss, and I sympathize.
Addiction is mostly seen in a manner of hatred and social outcast. We never look deep into the matter and try to realize what may have led to it and why they can't opt out. Lovely work !!!

[Mia]

Tragic and true. This is very well written. This is heartbreaking, I'm sorry!

[de_maruf]

oho
excellent

[Coyote Poetry]

I lost 5 brothers to drugs. They had no control. Drugs take over the mind and the life. They would steal from friends and family to support the drugs. I tell people. dance with the devil. The devil always win. Your poem tell a true story. Hard to escape the desire of drugs. The poison will destroy your life and you will die alone. I like your thoughts in the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Mark]

Yeah.... you describe addiction so well. It's beyond thought, beyond behavior, control, or choice. It just happens, it takes you and it shakes you and it just will not let go. Kicking it can't be done alone. You gotta get help to pull that monkey and even then it waits always in the shadows for one chance, just one, to climb back on.

So well put together my friend, you have a gift for words. I picture you rapping this on stage.

[lee von cleef]

I used to work out on the mat ,time ,time time Then a coach would kick in a tape, long version, not a two minute radio pop version, a real 20 or 17 minute free-bird ,one that would kick your body,shrink your heart,test the round robin , I went; 32, 40, 50,50 so the weight class was deep and in collage every one you meet has been good one time ,state champ here there,,a whole lot like me,to get to the top I had to get to a special place,where I couldn't even think,a spot where I was a free floating,reaction, then that's not good enough, so Then I had to step it to a free floating initiate-er . Beauty and Fear to
wrestle in the physical ,light of that space, will build or break you inside .So the review,we do what we do, make the choices we make,Till we can't do this no more,......I had a cousin too; You Tube ,Jessy Cole Darnell
How Do You Get That Lonely, Jessie? check it out.

[Ees]

It is good. I get it, addiction. I agree that it is a way of life as much as anything else. It is something that you live inside of. Not everybody has the same reasons though...
The line that I didn't understand at all was:
"And to the Next Addict
You are always Giving,
Grief and Pain"
In what ways are you giving grief and pain to the next addict? I was just fairly lost on that one and I don't think it's always that way.
Good job though, describing something real.

[Andrew N. Farrens]

I was speaking of the addicts who are stealing from each other, then pretending it's all good. After hearing story filled evening, I thought of that line in an N.A. meeting I was attending in Berkeley with my friend.....I've had no sleep so I hope clears it up for. Selah.
ANF

[Ees]

Okay I get that I guess.

[mandy]

i think you described addiction very well. ,,it's a way of living..it keeps you relieved and sane..those are accurate descriptions. grief and pain. this is good crafting. i liked this poem.