The Mind of an Addict

A poem I wrote that is about the loss of life due to addiction..... Song version: http://youtu.be/Y2xjMKXOCf0

The Mind of an Addict

Andrew N. Farrens

The Mind of an Addict

It’s Much More than just a Habit

It’s a Way of Living

And to the Next Addict

You are always Giving,

Grief and Pain

But It keeps you

Relieved and Sane

It’s just that Simple and Plain

The Mind of an Addict

It’s Much More than just a Habit

It’s a Way of Living

And to the Next Addict

You are always Giving,

Grief and Pain

But It keeps you Relieved and Sane

How else is an Addict supposed to Maintain

If They can Never Find a Way to Complain

I was Created by the Destruction of the World!!

As I draw breathe inside,

I Die,

A little more until the very notion of Life is a Lie

And because of this

People Hurt and Destroy

Thus, creates the very need for me to get High

I know my habits aren’t Healthy

But Intoxication is the only Thing that I believe can Help Me

My latest Prediction of this Cursed Affliction

Is that if I stay on course,

In a couple of years, I’ll be in a State of Full Blown Addiction

I’m Scared Every Night as Time runs out

Marked by the Clock steadily tickin’

Climbing in my Skin with Weird Spots on Body itchin’

And I’m Hungry

but I spent my Last Dollars on a High

So there’s never Food in the Kitchen

That’s the Force of My Addiction

Causing my Decay and a Case of Malnutrition

I Search the Earth in hopes of Absolution

But I can’t do battle without Self Motivation Ammunition

A Prayer to Lucifer Himself doesn’t even Help

Cause even He won’t Listen

One Night, when I was Sick and Mad

One Night, when I was Ripped and Sad

I made a Plea for the Devil to come and take My Soul

He appeared before me and with a mocking grin,

He said No

His Explanation was delivered with little Hesitation

Life Hurts more than an Eternity of Soulless Inflammation

I said,

I’d rather be Damned than Suffer through Salvation

And it was here,

He Stops and Interrupts Me

What He said Dug Down Deep Inside and It Cut Me

He had reason for not wanting My Soul

My Punishment was to see what I could have always Controlled

And That Was My Life........

The Mind of an Addict

It’s Much More than just a Habit

It’s a Way of Living

And to the Next Addict

You are always Giving,

Grief and Pain

But It keeps you

Relieved and Sane

It’s just that Simple and Plain

The Mind of an Addict

It’s Much More than just a Habit

It’s a Way of Living

And to the Next Addict

You are always Giving,

Grief and Pain

But It keeps you Relieved and Sane

How else is an Addict supposed to Maintain

If They can Never Find a Way to Complain

I wish for the Moon Light

as I sit and I Write

Why do these Words come out at Night?

Try as I Might, I Hate My Life

Keeping My Enemies in Sight

Knowing No Difference between Wrong and Right

I’m in the 12th Round of a Lost Fight and I’m still High as a Kite

My Main Focus in Life is to Stay High

Don’t Bother Asking Me Why

Except maybe it’s the Easiest Way to Die

It’s a Reoccurring Theme, it seems,

When I’m Trapped within these Things

And Everybody Screams

Yesterday I awoke in Cold Sweat from Dreams

I want to Forget but for Her Memory, that’d be Disrespect

So I calm myself with a Cigarette

Inhale Clean Nicotine and I’m fine

I’ve been Sick and Tired for a Time

But I’m Sick and Tired of Meaningless Rhyme

It’s all a Tedious Whine

Look in the Mirror, Man, and See what You Find

I don’t Need to Look in My Eyes

I don’t Need to Recognize the Disguise

My Mind Uses to Hide the Lies

I tell Myself Everyday that this is what Works

When most of your Friends happen to be Jerks

And I’m an Atheist so there’s

No Point in going to Church

So I guess I should find Help somewhere else

Now would some-one tell Myself to Shut The F**k Up

And please go back to hell

Maybe kick back and smoke crack

With my cousin Jason Mitchell**

The Mind of an Addict

It’s Much More than just a Habit

It’s a Way of Living

And to the Next Addict

You are always Giving,

Grief and Pain

But It keeps you

Relieved and Sane

It’s just that Simple and Plain

The Mind of an Addict

It’s Much More than just a Habit

It’s a Way of Living

And to the Next Addict

You are always Giving,

Grief and Pain

But It keeps you Relieved and Sane

How else is an Addict supposed to Maintain

If They can Never Find a Way to Complain

The Mind of an Addict

Andrew N. Farrens

Stockton, California

2003

**My cousin Jason Mitchell died of crack overdose in 2003 and the first verse and the chorus I wrote a week before his death. It’s weird because I wrote it about him and the second verse is about myself. This poem/song is dedicated to both my dead father, Laurence R. Farrens, who also died of an overdose of prescription drugs and my cousin, Jason Mitchell A.K.A. SHADOW.S.S.S.X.I.V.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2xjMKXOCf0&feature=player_embedded

Reviews

[Shreyas Tripathy]

Very well portrayed !
I am truly sorry for your loss, and I sympathize.
Addiction is mostly seen in a manner of hatred and social outcast. We never look deep into the matter and try to realize what may have led to it and why they can't opt out. Lovely work !!!

[Andrew N. Farrens]

http://youtu.be/Y2xjMKXOCf0
If you like this poem, then listen to the song version while reading the lyrics above. Even though I wrote the thing, it still amazes when I read and listen to it at the same time. I always ask myself: how the hell did I write this? I truly believe this is the best thing I have ever written. Thank-you all for taking the time to read (and maybe listen) to this poem/some written over a decade ago.....selah, my friends.
Andrew N. Farrens
West Stockton, California
July 22, 2013
http://youtu.be/Y2xjMKXOCf0

[SilentScreamingTears]

Addictions are horrors in their own way. While I have never smoked anything, I am addicted to cutting myself and doing things that hurt when my heart hurts as well and somedays I couldn't wait to get a moment in peace so I could make the blood flow. Addictions ruin our lives yet seem to be the only things that can get us through the lives we're living, or dying, and this terrible fact was shown very well in the poem. Great work!

[MOON]

This sounds like spoken work, deep lyrical heartbreaking a way of life indeed that is soul destroying once in its grip drugs rule the mind the life a puppet a slave to its destructive effects. Hard to give up , sometimes sensitive insecure often fall prey but once addicted the personality changes and there is no recovery.

[Whitney Kleinhuizen]

An amazing portrayal of life with an addiction. Much truth spoken in a beautiful yet tragic way. This is a great piece.

[quinfinn]

you have developed your coping skills through attrition, it seems, and one can easily understand your sadness and rage. a clever man once said that the degree of human suffering experienced by an addict is almost worse than the fog of war, a death within life without crossing over to the other side, because the other side harbors (at least) finality and closure. that man was my own father. he was a man who had been in 3 wars..wwII, korea, and vietnam. in his latter working years he worked for the commonwealth of virginia as a parole and probation administrator .he was respected by his parolees and prisoners because he worked from within the system to correct its flaws and to help the addicts who had fallen through the cracks. he believed that drug addicts weren't criminals, that they were victims of a system which failed in its duties to protect its citizens from the presence and the evils of narcotics and trafficking. if you have not already done so (and i get the sense that you have) you should start blogging nationally about this type of injustice done by our very own "justice system". awesome write, my friend!

[gombeggar]

distraught expression...but to express in any art medium is a healthy release

[Kelsey]

This is absolutely amazing. I'm so sorry for your losses, but this beautiful writing came of it, and that's crazy. This really left me in awe, it's so wonderfully written. Amazing job, to say the least.

[David Scott]

This should serve to warn other about the reality of drug use. Not a happy place to be! You decribed it well and with art.
Be Well