The Mind of an Addict

A poem I wrote that is about the loss of life due to addiction..... Song version: http://youtu.be/Y2xjMKXOCf0

The Mind of an Addict

Andrew N. Farrens

The Mind of an Addict

It’s Much More than just a Habit

It’s a Way of Living

And to the Next Addict

You are always Giving,

Grief and Pain

But It keeps you

Relieved and Sane

It’s just that Simple and Plain

The Mind of an Addict

It’s Much More than just a Habit

It’s a Way of Living

And to the Next Addict

You are always Giving,

Grief and Pain

But It keeps you Relieved and Sane

How else is an Addict supposed to Maintain

If They can Never Find a Way to Complain

I was Created by the Destruction of the World!!

As I draw breathe inside,

I Die,

A little more until the very notion of Life is a Lie

And because of this

People Hurt and Destroy

Thus, creates the very need for me to get High

I know my habits aren’t Healthy

But Intoxication is the only Thing that I believe can Help Me

My latest Prediction of this Cursed Affliction

Is that if I stay on course,

In a couple of years, I’ll be in a State of Full Blown Addiction

I’m Scared Every Night as Time runs out

Marked by the Clock steadily tickin’

Climbing in my Skin with Weird Spots on Body itchin’

And I’m Hungry

but I spent my Last Dollars on a High

So there’s never Food in the Kitchen

That’s the Force of My Addiction

Causing my Decay and a Case of Malnutrition

I Search the Earth in hopes of Absolution

But I can’t do battle without Self Motivation Ammunition

A Prayer to Lucifer Himself doesn’t even Help

Cause even He won’t Listen

One Night, when I was Sick and Mad

One Night, when I was Ripped and Sad

I made a Plea for the Devil to come and take My Soul

He appeared before me and with a mocking grin,

He said No

His Explanation was delivered with little Hesitation

Life Hurts more than an Eternity of Soulless Inflammation

I said,

I’d rather be Damned than Suffer through Salvation

And it was here,

He Stops and Interrupts Me

What He said Dug Down Deep Inside and It Cut Me

He had reason for not wanting My Soul

My Punishment was to see what I could have always Controlled

And That Was My Life........

The Mind of an Addict

It’s Much More than just a Habit

It’s a Way of Living

And to the Next Addict

You are always Giving,

Grief and Pain

But It keeps you

Relieved and Sane

It’s just that Simple and Plain

The Mind of an Addict

It’s Much More than just a Habit

It’s a Way of Living

And to the Next Addict

You are always Giving,

Grief and Pain

But It keeps you Relieved and Sane

How else is an Addict supposed to Maintain

If They can Never Find a Way to Complain

I wish for the Moon Light

as I sit and I Write

Why do these Words come out at Night?

Try as I Might, I Hate My Life

Keeping My Enemies in Sight

Knowing No Difference between Wrong and Right

I’m in the 12th Round of a Lost Fight and I’m still High as a Kite

My Main Focus in Life is to Stay High

Don’t Bother Asking Me Why

Except maybe it’s the Easiest Way to Die

It’s a Reoccurring Theme, it seems,

When I’m Trapped within these Things

And Everybody Screams

Yesterday I awoke in Cold Sweat from Dreams

I want to Forget but for Her Memory, that’d be Disrespect

So I calm myself with a Cigarette

Inhale Clean Nicotine and I’m fine

I’ve been Sick and Tired for a Time

But I’m Sick and Tired of Meaningless Rhyme

It’s all a Tedious Whine

Look in the Mirror, Man, and See what You Find

I don’t Need to Look in My Eyes

I don’t Need to Recognize the Disguise

My Mind Uses to Hide the Lies

I tell Myself Everyday that this is what Works

When most of your Friends happen to be Jerks

And I’m an Atheist so there’s

No Point in going to Church

So I guess I should find Help somewhere else

Now would some-one tell Myself to Shut The F**k Up

And please go back to hell

Maybe kick back and smoke crack

With my cousin Jason Mitchell**

The Mind of an Addict

It’s Much More than just a Habit

It’s a Way of Living

And to the Next Addict

You are always Giving,

Grief and Pain

But It keeps you

Relieved and Sane

It’s just that Simple and Plain

The Mind of an Addict

It’s Much More than just a Habit

It’s a Way of Living

And to the Next Addict

You are always Giving,

Grief and Pain

But It keeps you Relieved and Sane

How else is an Addict supposed to Maintain

If They can Never Find a Way to Complain

The Mind of an Addict

Andrew N. Farrens

Stockton, California

2003

**My cousin Jason Mitchell died of crack overdose in 2003 and the first verse and the chorus I wrote a week before his death. It’s weird because I wrote it about him and the second verse is about myself. This poem/song is dedicated to both my dead father, Laurence R. Farrens, who also died of an overdose of prescription drugs and my cousin, Jason Mitchell A.K.A. SHADOW.S.S.S.X.I.V.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2xjMKXOCf0&feature=player_embedded

Reviews

[Shreyas Tripathy]

Very well portrayed !
I am truly sorry for your loss, and I sympathize.
Addiction is mostly seen in a manner of hatred and social outcast. We never look deep into the matter and try to realize what may have led to it and why they can't opt out. Lovely work !!!

[Kristin Lee]

Wow, very very powerful stuff.

[Travis Gibson (poetic h..]

"He had reason for not wanting My Soul
My Punishment was to see what I could have always Controlled"... an amazingly powerful piece. i related to this piece, having lost my older brother to his addiction. sorry that your loss is what fueled this piece, but you concentrated your emotion it to an outstanding write!

[MoriartyMesa]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3L4spg8vyo

[Barbara Walker]

WOW this is a powerful piece. The structure of this piece with the repetition of lines lends itself to the subject very well. Repeatedly getting high, day in and day out, one forgets how life used to be. In these words I also see strength.

[dw817]

⊰ℛℛ⊱
While cocaine is indeed addictive, the most addictive substance on the planet ?
Cocaine, but nicotine, which all cigarettes have unless it is clearly stated on the front of the package - is a close second. You wouldn't smoke cocaine, so pplz why smoke at all ? :7

As for your grief, I honestly can say I've only known a few people addicted to chemicals. One of which is my G/F, but she's cut down over the years, which is good. But no - I don't know of any addicts of which you speak.

I know I was at MHMR a few days ago and there was a meeting I was invited to, and apparently a good chunk of people who are in MHMR are getting over drug addiction. Curiously enough they all said it was God or Jesus who healed them. I'm - not going to cross that line, but I smiled and nodded at them.

[QuietlyCrash]

I am so sorry for your loss. Addiction is an awful vicious cycle. I've lost a few family members to the nasty thing as well. The emotion in this is amazing and heartfelt. It hurt me to read. Great job.

[Angi]

I feel this one, Andrew. Lost my dad to addiction. Almost lost my brother. I feel this one for sure. Angi~

[Brandon S. Whitten]

Brilliant write! Heart felt and deep emotion. Sorry for your loss, may the wounds heal as you carry on seeing life is precious and temporary.

[s y e]

Firstly, I'm sorry about the loss of your cousin and your father. It's hard losing someone dear to you through drugs or alcohol.

Secondly, this write came from the heart and is a really powerful write, must have been quite hard to write, am I right? Well done though, it was a great write.

~ Noodle.

[Sami Khalil]

Thank you for sharing this splendid reality poem...:)