Part 2 (chapter unknown) Ruth and Magic

THIS PART STILL NEEDS LOADS OF WORK. PARTICULARLY THE MIDDLE

The days that followed my meeting with the Birch trust were carried out in more or less the same way. During the day I would spend time with Michael Rose and Sylvia, sometimes this was interrupted by a visit from another guest or an invitation to a lunch time meeting. I went once and nothing was achieved so those visits were now politely declined. During the evenings i was required to attend more meetings were plans would be drawn out, scrapped, drawn out again, scrapped again and so on. However Simon had kept to his promise about teaching me to access and understand my magic so this was how I had begun to spend my afternoons. They were very welcome. During my time at the house I had become very fond of Simon in the same way I had become close to Arn. I was not replacing my dead friend, though Simon had Arn’s wisdom he was a little more reserved. What Simon did was fill my life back up with focus and reason.

                “Close your eyes... now feel the place... the place where the butterflies come from... are you there?” I was but it hurt, I felt my palms cloud over with the tiny sparks that told me the butterflies were coming.

                “Ok... now move into that space, imagine that feeling is liquid... swim into it.” I tried, I tried to see a liquid Sylvia to move into it but a wall inside me prevented it.

                “You need to really feel it, even if it comes from a place of pain,” it did but I couldn’t get there. I opened one eye and saw Simon staring at me.

                “Nothings happening,” I remarked.

                “Close your eyes,” he urged me. I did so. “You have to give in to the feeling... imagine a wave... let it wash right over your head.” I imagined the wave, it began to descend over me but stopped just before it crashed. I stopped it. I had too much to lose. I had spent so much time locking away the memory of Sylvia’s embrace on our reunion, the sharp memories of her naked body and the many nights in which I nearly kissed her. I did not want to feel that.

                “You need to risk it.”

                “I can’t.” The words escaped my lips before i was even aware of them. The following silence was heavy. I opened my eyes. Simon leaned casually against a tree trunk.

                “You could learn from Michael,” I raised an eyebrow at him and he smiled in that Arnish way he had.

                “You could learn how to hurt.” He walked with me back to the house and i reflected that despite my failed attempts at magic the day was somewhat successful. It was certainly one of my better days with the Trust.

 

PARTS MISSING. A MEETING TAKES PLACE IN-BETWEEN THESE EVENTS 

 

I walked back feeling very pleased and just a little more hopeful. I wondered what illusion Simon would have created for me that night hoping that maybe it was tree house or a place near natural water. I wanted to go back straight away but I felt the others needed to hear the news. For once the meeting had ended a little early so i knew they would be awake.  I made my way slowly towards our area of huts. I could hear voices, one of them Sylvia’s. I crept down the hall softly so as not to wake the other guests. Their door was a little agar. I had to look twice and when i did i was nearly sick. I had to steady myself on a large wooden barrel. Their faces, hers beautiful, his pale were close, closer than normal. She mumbled something and then it happened. Sylvia moved in and kissed him. Everything went blurry, i staggered madly down the road holding barely holding myself up. I felt suddenly aware that i couldn't breathe. Once out of hearing range i gasped for breath.  It manifested in a loud sob. They must not see me. Baring that in mind i bolted up to my hut kicking open the door. It was riverbank. I fell to my knees, trying as hard as i could not to deprecate but it was too late i felt my palms erupt with pain. I shrieked shaking all over. They were smoking violently, still on fire, as I pushed them into the water. No relief came. I knew that this hurt but what I could not understand was how excluded i felt from her. Suddenly my feelings for her looked like a crush, they became trivial by comparison. I was blinded by tears and agony. I tried to hate Michael but couldn't quite manage it. Hands, firm hands were laid on me. I felt myself being pulled to my feet and dragged from the room. Someone lifted me, carried me out as my hands continued to shrivel up. Like paper on a flame.

                “What happened?”

                “What’s happening more like, she’s still burning.” I wanted to burn forever. A new voice Simon’s voice found me in my blindness. I felt his hands holding me upright.

                “Ruth, you can defeat it. Let it be, let it happen. It doesn’t matter, not really. Like a wave, remember?” The wave moved within me, it rose like a concrete tower then fell crashing into me, bludgeoning my heart, leaving every part of me an injury, a fracture. A scream, a horrible wail that didn’t belong to me issued from my lungs.

                “Ruth! Yes, Ruth come on!” someone cheered me like a schoolchild at a sports game. Already defeated by emotion i let it rinse me out. Everything went quiet. Suddenly I flicked my eyes open. All eyes were locked on my arms and as I raised them shining green scales spiralled up from hands to my elbows. I flexed them in horror. The scales were strange, looked as though they might break off at the slightest touch. But they were strong, more like feathers than scales, each one sticking out from my forearm. I looked up at Simon, terrified, but he had started to laugh.  

                “I don’t understand. What’s happening to me!” I screamed, pulling at the scales. The edges flaked a little but the scales themselves did not budge from their root. The colour was beautiful, the green of pine trees and rich in texture.

                “Ruth...” Simon breathed looking up at me as he had never looked at me before.

“What!” I shouted. Simon raised his eyebrows then walked forward and lifted my charred green hands.

“Don’t you see? Isn’t it brilliant!” he exclaimed, his eyes filling with endearment. I shook my head, examining my strange new arms. 

“Ruth,” Simon laughed, looking directly into my eyes “Have you ever seen a butterfly close up.” I paused, unsure of his meaning. Then dread and horror flooded into me as quickly as this new magic had come.

“I won’t morph into one!?” I exclaimed, my breathing heavy and my eyes frozen in shock.

Sebastian stood a little apart from Simon, gazing down at me like i was a precious jewel, something to be universally valued. His greedy eyes took in the sight of this new magic as if it were a divine miracle.

                “Magic is cleverer than you think. It adapts. You’ll stay human,” he said slowly “but with a few additions.” His face had contorted into a strange smile. It unnerved me. Simon threw him a warning look. Under Sebastian’s eyes I felt like a shiny new toy.

                “I don’t know what to call this,” I said “is it deprecating, I suppose I’ve lost my skin-“ Simon cut across me, shaking his head and holding my shoulders still with outstretched hands.

                “No, Ruth. This isn’t a bad thing. This is very very special. You won’t know this magic but I’ve seen it before. You are going to get strong. More powerful. Maybe all the abilities of a butterfly but much greater.” Finally, I could not help it, I smiled. Unspeakably happy. I felt as if all the pain, Arn’s death, my years away from home had finally come to something. And it was such a beautiful idea, in its simplicity. Sylvia was lost to me but the world had not ended. I supposed that love was not a matter of passion that it was only an experience of hope. To hope for her was all I could expect and it had to be enough. I flicked at a scale. It was tough, like the leaves of Turnbular, yielding a little but staying rooted. Oddly enough they did not constrict my movement but were patterned in a way that flowed with me. I felt reptilian. My forearms looked like they were clad in the most delicate and expensive armour. People were gathering outside their huts, whispering to each other. As expected I saw the faces of my friends bob out of the crowd. Michael’s face was contorted into the strangest shape, he did not look like himself. It was a moment before I realised he was laughing. I supposed that he understood. And I laughed too. It was funny really, though despite my happiness and my relief I never once glanced at Sylvia.