...

This poem is about a girl with a broken heart, left by her love after three years of relationship. Its about how she struggles to carry herself from out of the deep ocean of pain and yet manages to sm

A dark room, a lonely girl,
Sad tunes playing behind
Of memories, both sweet and wild,
and the melody does remind.
A companion, the girl once had,
A guy one of his kind.
The saddest part of her whole life,
She wished she could rewind.
She struggles now to get the tune on track.
A blow mighty and deadly,
Has now made her notes go on fire, Her life, an offbeat medley...
She cried, she cried, she cried all night
She cried all day in vain.
Somehow the emotions have disappeared,
The guy kept causing pain.
So hurt was the girl, but all in vain,
As the guy had lost his heart somewhere...
Despite this brutal breach of trust,
Despite the damn hearbreak,
The girl lives on waiting for him...
Lest he would come and take,
The girl again, deep in his heart,
And Hold her tight in his arms...
Give the girl her lost world back,
And cast over his charm...
However deep may have the sorrows sunk
Into his troubled mind,
The truth lives:"if winter comes,
Can spring be far behind...?"

Author's Note

Both positive and negative reviews awaited.

Reviews

[zelf]

I think there was a lot of emotion behind the poem but I think you'd more easily be able to tap into those if you wrote from a first-person instead of third-person view. At least for me it would feel more attached to you and not simply a sad story told from afar, you know what I mean?

Anyhow, good luck! :)

wonderful creation from words to tell the heart's feelings..

[Kasey Miriam]

Very relateable poem. great job!

[Ananya Garg]

Thank you... :)

[Jennie Baron]

You've received extensive advice and I don't know what I could add. I do agree about making it first-person. Basically this is a poignant, sadly beautiful piece.

[Ananya Garg]

Thank you...

[Stephen]

I really liked the concept of yous. The warmed sensations of your fragrant heart are well expressed through your emotional words. All verses are as beautiful as you but as you mentioned in your author`s note to have BOTH positive and negative reviews even you just kept awaiting to have some such kinda reviews so, here we go ... I`ve modified your poem and brought this for a beautiful "Ananya" .. There`s no negative review but all positive and you`ve well penned this poem but yeah, as a suggestion i`d want to suggest you that you have to give some time to your writing too "DAILY".. if you really want to improve your writing skills...

Hope you love this verse, i`ve even made for ya devoting my PRECIOUS time in it ...

"A dark room .. lonely girl ... Sad tones spirits curl
Playing behind the memories ... Sweet. Wild. Melodic soul whirled

A companion she once had
Hottest guy one of a kind
The saddest part .. he made her sad
She wailed making everything rewind

She struggled to get the tunes back on the track
But ain`t find anything except a world black
She let the notes go into the ashes ...
Cried.. cried ...cried all of night but nothing came back

Somehow her emotions go disappeared
She volunteered!!
A guy kept causing the pain ...
She crawled to her knees but all was in vain

The guy`d lost his seductive heart somewhere
Beside it, his brutally fear was there
Despite the goddamn heartbreak ...
She just waited for him with all her heartache."

And the rest of all`s what I find just not necessary in this write. Your poem`s not just reflecting the mirror of crime but the mirror of the wicked world either. The concept`s very real, I adored this write. Well done, Great job!!

[Ananya Garg]

Thank you Mr. Stephen...

[Stephen]

Ah! It`s all my pleasure bringing some blushes on a beautiful face ~~ right on the red lips ~~ squeezing the white cheeks. All the best for your upcoming stuffs, Miss Ananya!

[Ananya Garg]

Thank you once again... ;)

[Saddam]

Ultimate touched my heart. So emotional piece dear, keep it up.

[Ananya Garg]

Thank you so much... :)

[jamiereneeangel]

Word. I know this feeling. I find your ppem accurate and beautiful

[Ananya Garg]

Thanks a lot... ;)

[Stephanie M]

This reminds me of a story I once read, about a woman who waited in her wedding dress, for her lost love
to come back. The wedding cake was drying up on the table beside her. Nicely written.

[Ananya Garg]

That's so nice of you to say that... thank you..