In-between

In-between living life in the moment and in-between not wanting to live at all. As a child there were times where I would sit and wonder if life really was as beautiful as my mother said, she use to say life was the most precious gift ever given to us by the man above. As I got older I tried to understand why she committed suicide if she thought life was so beautiful. Up to this day I still don't comprehend, I can't get it through my head. She always seemed so happy and full of joy, she gave every single piece of herself to everybody she met.
My mother was a selfless woman who would do anything for anyone no matter the situation they were in. She helped people who were depressed, she helped people who felt suicidal, she helped people with mental illnesses but who in the world helped her with her depression? With her suicidal thoughts? Her mental illnesses?
I always did admire that woman for everything she did. When she passed away I knew her pain had finally stopped. She was no longer going to be crying, she wasn't going to be up at three in the morning wondering if she should just end it now, leave everything behind. But when her pain and suffering stopped, mine began.
It's not the same without her, I don't wake up in the morning to her big bright smile, her cheesy compliments, her warm hugs that made you feel all good inside. Everything seems gloomy, sad, and it feels like the world has suddenly stopped. Screaming and yelling at the top of my lungs "why?" doesn't help me heal, pounding my fists on the ground next to her coffin crying my eyes out won't bring her back. All I'm left with is just being In-between living life at it's fullest and in-between giving up life all at once.

Author's Note

This is just a little something that came to my mind and I had to write. Opinions are welcomed

Reviews

[Aquestra]

This is amazing! Your story is very touching and sad. I hope that you write a book on your experiences as a person because this piece of information really inspired me to wonder about life in general.