A Way Out

this isn't the full story, just writing what came to mind. Tell me what you think, that would be great.

I don’t know when it started to happen.. I didn’t realize I was becoming depressed and being alone with my thoughts was becoming dangerous. I would think myself into a bad mood and I didn’t understand why I would do that. I had friends, lots of them actually and they cared for me like I cared for them but somehow I still felt empty. I felt like I was missing something and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I started locking myself in my room more,if I had less interaction with my family and friends then maybe I would feel good or less empty...or maybe I could figure out why I felt that way.Then i would feel bad. I would go out and have a good laugh with them, crack a joke or two, but once I got into my room my smile would fade, my mind suddenly went blank and I would lay there staring at the ceiling thinking about everything I have said in the past years, months, days. When did it happen? How did it happen? I was confused, lost and most of all alone. Being alone didn’t mean to be just by yourself, it meant feeling like there is nobody around even when there is.

Sometimes i would consider suicide but then I would snap out of it because I felt to coward for that. I feel like I wouldn’t go through with that, I couldn’t imagine myself doing those things. Me, a person who always cheers everyone up when they need it no matter if I had problems of my own. The person who you would always see with a smile on her face. Complementing everyone, saying how beautiful life was. “What a hypocrite I am” I said to myself in a low voice, almost like a whisper. “If I thought life was so beautiful then why do I feel this way? Why do i feel like my world is collapsing around me?”