l Already Know

i bet you are wondering 
if i am angrier just thinking
of all the time wasted that
we spent together
i was spending all currency 
of coping with disarray:
i was not sure the country
i was not sure the exchange rate
and now that you are away
don't worry
i don't care to contact you
in order to get the change.

this is my gift
i've opened the doors 
and dusted out the disillusionment
this is my gift
i am blowing kisses goodbye

drained, out of breath
the days when i was holding myself
knowing i could not hold my arms out
to you.
the rust of our laughing voices, the rust
is refusing to corrode anything new
it loses its power the longer i walk
the longer the rain cleans the
wishes for left for dead
the rust of our laughing voices, the rust
is red and trusting dances all abandoned

i turn the flower around in my hands
i don't need to pull petals 
i already know