College

Another excerpt from untitled

Trying to classically condition two fish to stop fearing my hand being close to the tank; thinking about the idea that music is sound and sound alone can be attractive enough that billions of people fall in love with superstars enough to wait in the cold for hours just to be able to be close enough to maybe know their scent; picturing myself doing some sexual act to literally every person I see, not because I want them but because I want it, I want to know that I can have it, that I can take that from them if I want to; staring at myself for a half hour after I get out of the shower, enjoying, criticizing, hating, envying my own body; being selfish enough to lead guys on until I know which option I want, just so there’s always an option. Something in me absolutely never wants to be alone. I have friends and friends, and lovers and those who’ve loved me, and people who think I deserve the world and those who want me purely for sex, and those who I want purely for sex and those who I want more than anything in the world but am way too prideful to admit.