Voicemail, 4 am

A voicemail to a former lover at 4 am. Part 3 in a 3 part series.

Is it okay if I talk to you until my voice goes hoarse?

I barely go one night without your ghost haunting my reality.

I see you on the stairs every evening, 

and the stitches holding me together come undone every time.

I can feel myself seeping through the cheap bandage

that I placed over the gash you left me to deal with on my own.

I used to think forever was a lie,

but now I realize together is the true deception.

I wish I could tell you how sorry I am, 

but I don’t know if I can look you in the eyes long enough.

I’m afraid they will be just as dead as mine.

When will I learn that the only difference

between breathing in your presence

and a hatchet to the chest

is the sharpness of the blade?

I’m trying to remember the last time

I saw anything but decay inside your eyes

but it’s been so long that I wonder

if I ever saw life in them at all.

These days your body

is a stranger's corpse to me.

And I'm wondering if I'll ever leave,

but limbo is more comforting than being alone,

even if it is with someone whose eyes

are as icy as the winter snow.

Please just remember, no matter what happens, that I love you.

I love you, I love you.

I will always love you.

Good or bad,

I will always love you.