15

I thought I found the one.

thought my search was done

everything was good and fun

but the fun had just begun

it started slow and small

his nose grew out and tall

lying about who I was and all

that was the start of the fall

ashamed of me?

my flaws were all I could see

he blinded me to reality

now only p's could set me free

I found myself quite the hole 

when he completely changed his role

heart now as black as coal

warm smile on a hateful soul

less of a hole, more a ditch

him and p's, I was their b***h

I guess it was time for a switch

thats when discovered mitch

just like before the beginning was fine

manipulation and obsession should have been a sign

but my self hatred was far too divine 

for me to ever draw the line

I had no idea how damaged was I

always searching for a high

approval seeking I couldn't say bye

so numb I could'nt even cry

now everything had gone to s**t

to my him, I had to submit

my drunken mom, I had to babysit

so my wrists, I had to slit

I couldn't live like this

I was in ignorances bliss

but all of life I was going to miss

if I hadn't left that abyss

the situation had to be left

because eventually id be doing meth

if I always had p's on my breath

so I introduced my relationship to death

to leave the only place I've known

the only place where I was my own

but Mitchell had to leave me alone

or else id be at my tombstone

I couldn't even look in the mirror

I felt so inferior 

I wish I could see myself clearer

but to hell I was nearer

I realized I needed to change 

I didn't like myself, I was strange

priorities needed a change 

so I didn't feel so deranged

but then I moved

abuse and drugs removed

things drastically improved

and my intelligence had finally been proved

where am I now

well, I reject highs when I'm low

manipulation I will not allow

and my shell is no longer hollow

Author's Note

p's are a way to smoke weed with tobacco that is highly addictive
this poem was written to remind myself never to let a boys take advantage of me again and never fall back into drugs again