Silenced

11.15.2016

There’s a cruel, anxious feeling

when silence is my only company.

I don’t know where my thoughts will wander to.

Fearful they’ll never just come to a s-t-o-p.

I don’t know what vibes I’ll give off to the world around me.

I rehearse affirmations in my head like they're going to save my life one day.

I smile to convince myself that life isn’t so bad.

If i can just accept that.

Silence,

I’ve drowned you out with stress

with lovers,

almost lovers,

with laughs.

But when the storm calms,

I’m here. 

You’re here,

and I haven’t reached that peace of mind

where I’m not trying to piece my shattered mind

together, 

to seem all together.

Silence, 

you’re still and unmoving.

And to others,

that may sound like the greatest thing.

Just not for me yet,

you’re not my best friend.