Delayed Flight

Sept 2016

Because none of it matters anymore, and it never will again.

I left the door unlocked.
Maybe there was a chance,
Maybe I placed all of my hopeless chances on the wrong bet.
But I left the door unlocked,
Eyeing the keyhole,
Tip toeing that maybe some day I'd hear the door bell ring.
That maybe some day, I'd see your license plate parked when I came home.
That I'd kept a dialogue to prepare myself
On how to stay strong and ask you to walk away....or stay.
And close the door behind you.
And lock it.
And store the key away.
Not give it back to me....
I still have the spare to the apt we once made memories.
I've wanted to throw it in the ocean and make an endless wish on how time should be reversible, on how lessons would be reversible because I wanted to learn with you, never without.

But here we are.
Months down the road,
The quantity is a reflection,
The quality, there's a separation.
Because I'm learning, on my own.
To not fall for a hopeless romantic,
Because there's no hope with them when you're one of the two who is hope-ful.
I kept a crack in the door for you to find, when it should have been closed.
I mean you'd break the door down if you really wanted to, wouldn't you?
My expectations are (were) a little too high for you. I forget I've done more for you than you ever would have considered doing for me.
That you ever will consider doing for me.
I'm learning.
That I've done more for you than you ever knew how to appreciate.
Because I never had you work for my love.
Gave it freely and abundantly.
That's my motto....
But, I'm realizing.
To throw the keys away, to change the door knob. To cover the keyhole.
To walk away.
It's now impossible for me to stay.
Health first.
I'm learning.
Because none of it matters anymore,
Honest.
And, it never will again.