An Open Letter to the Next One

I have never kissed

Anyone I did not want to kiss.

That’s not to say that they haven’t

Kiss me, I just

Didn’t kiss back.

See,

I believe in the sanctity

Of the perfect couple’s kiss;

In the one at the end of the first date,

Teasing you for blushing

At the thought of being on the “kiss cam,” then stopping

To just look at you.

Pulling you in between cars

in the parking lot because

he’d wanted to do it all night and

he just couldn’t wait any longer.

The one that finally silences the

Thoughts

That are always

Rushing through your mind.

When he asks why you’re smiling

And you realize

You look like an idiot,

But you can’t say anything because

Words are hard

When you’re running on a cocktail of

Oxytocin, dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin

And your brain is too busy

Feeling a natural high to form rational thoughts,

Not to mention string together

Intelligent sentences.

If you can manage to take my breath away

Every time we kiss,

And then smirk when I can’t think anymore,

We

Will get along just fine.

 

I

am in my head a lot.

I’m the person

Who won’t tell you what I’m thinking

Unless you ask me directly,

I will never tell you my secrets

Unprompted,

And I will never beg you to stay

If you truly think you’d be happier without me because,

Honestly,

I’d be better off without me sometimes, too.

It takes me a while

To figure out what I want to say

And, on most occasions,

I’d rather write it down than actually

Say

It because my handwriting is more beautiful than any

Word

I could ever speak.

I will look at you with tear-filled eyes

And tell you, “I’m great,”

Because to say what’s wrong is like admitting defeat

In a war I was never

Meant to win

And if you can tell me that the other guys messed up,

And still

Walk away from me,

“I’m great” is all

you will ever get until I can find a way to really think

of something remotely relevant

to say to you.

 

I’m a child.

Tangled is my favorite go-to, I can down candy like nothing,

And being pushed on a swing set

Is still one of my favorite things.

I stare at the night sky

Like

An artist at Van Gogh,

Wish with all my heart,

And fall in love

Like I’ve never been hurt before"

But if you know me like you think you do,

You’ll know that’s a lie.

You’ll know what I mean when I say,

“I don’t want to go home,”

and you’ll let me get excited about the new Pokémon game,

even though you don’t understand.

You’ll know that,

If I could,

I would never grow up,

Because I didn’t have much of a childhood

anyway.

I would always be the girl

With her head in the clouds and a heart

That never stops caring,

And you wouldn’t have me any other way.

 

Know

That I only have nightmares

When I’m worried about losing something I care about.

Know

That I probably dream about you a lot too.

That I listen to Kyle Park

When I’m sad

Because he reminds me of some of my happiest memories;

That I can hide more than you think I can.

I would do anything

To keep you happy,

I collect quirky mugs,

Oban is my favorite place on the planet;

That I bite my lips when I can’t make sense of things, so

If you leave me,

My lips will be bitten raw.

Know

That I love cowboys

Almost as much as I love inserting inside jokes into poems

The right people will never find,

Much less understand.

 

I weigh myself every morning,

Look at pictures until I cry,

Drive recklessly when I’m alone

Because I’m not afraid to die.

I’m really bad at endings"

See,

Letting go isn’t really

My “thing.”

I care too much for someone

People leave behind.

And I’m really bad at goodbyes.

 

Know,

There’s probably someone I still love;

My heart just doesn’t let go.

Know,

I still hope “The Next One” is you,

A little down the road.