Second half of chapter one

I’m not who said what first, whether it was me saying “Holy F**k” or Angel saying “Dios Mios”. Angel started to get up from his swing to make a run for it, but I grabbed the edge of his sweatshirt, and pulled him back down.

“Don’t run. Just act like nothing’s wrong.” I said. We were almost certain to be caught, but I thought we could do all we could to help our chances. Angel threw the roach in the snow and put his foot over it. I looked expectantly at the cop getting out of the car. As he got closer, I started to recognize him for the way that he was walking, and I started to feel my stomach drop and my throat grow a lump. It was Officer Jenkins, of f*****g course.

Officer Jenkins and I were familiar with each other only because he had broken up a party that Angela and I had thrown at our apartment when we first bought it, and before we were officially dating. It was a house warming party of sorts and I invited over a couple of friends so we could have a few beers and hang out… but of course, Angela wanted to go all out, and basically invited the entire University of Utah. Someone ended up bringing a keg, some high school kids ended up coming and getting super trashed. Obviously, who would complain except Mrs. Wilkins �" she pulled the plug on our party when she called the cops. Of course, who would show up then but Officer Jenkins and his men, the white knights of the Salt Lake City Police Department.

Anyway, long story short, most of the cops ended up dealing with making the kids weasel out who had bought the beer and then made them call their parents. Officer Jenkins dealt with Angela and I, giving us the drunk test, getting our info and giving us the number to call for our court dates for underage drinking. It was weird though, because the entire time it was happening, I didn’t really mind. I was caught up in Officer Jenkin’s baby blues. Angela always joked at how the sexual tension was so intense between us. Officer Jenkins couldn’t have been older than 28, he had short hair that you could tell had been buzzed a few weeks ago, and one of those angular jawlines that I liked. He didn’t smile much because he was being stern with us but I could tell that he had perfect teeth. As he was chiding us for allowing a party to go on in our apartment, and trying to get our story straight, I kept thinking, “Thank you, Mama Jenkins, for putting so much money into that dental work”.

Even now, on the phone with Angela, I watched as he bent over slightly to pour some water into his Styrofoam cup. Angela was telling me something about how she was going to be at the station in about twenty minutes but I wasn’t listening.

“Hey!” she half yelled, “You still there?”

I awoke from my reverie and said, “Uh, yeah, still here. I’ll see you in twenty. By the way, thank you so much.”

“No problemo.” She said, and promptly hung up the phone. 

Author's Note

I'm actually really unhappy with this half. Any suggestions would be helpful.

Reviews

[numbers17]

As I said before I really think this story would work better from the angle of the aftermath instead of a flashback.

Feels more like...I dunno...like something I would see in a TV show (in the flashback aspect) instead of being immersed into it like I'm actually there. Instead I feel like I've immersed myself into watching a TV show.

Not that its bad if that's your angel, but not perfect if you want the reader to feel like they are inside of the story.