Lonely

Not much.

 

 

 

At the end of the day

Alone in their abode

She sits in loneliness

Where his love once flowed

 

She sips her drink in silence

The taste lingers for a little while

Unlike his everlasting love

And the sunshine in his smile

 

As she lights up to unwind

Circles of smoke rush upwards

She watches the rings disappear

Like an incomplete love affair

 

An hour later, the smoke filled room

Smells of the past; the past is her home

His love continues to haunt and the memories still hurt

Only in this darkness can she find comfort.

Author's Note

Looks unfinished to me. Needs work.
Suggestions would be helpful.

Reviews

[Spoken]

well if it's unfinished it's an excellent start. Very relatable to many.. sitting with your drink of choice, a smoke, and thoughts... for me it's coffee, cigs, computer and thoughts :)

I like how you've used the taste of the drink and the smoke from the cig to reflect the love that has faded in the one that was lost... very nice!

[Mysty Rayn]

I don't have any suggestions, just a compliment. I think this is a wonderful piece. I believe I have had one or two nights like this.

[Fran Marie]

His love continues to haunt

The memories still hurt

Only in this darkness

Can she find comfort..


You really capture the feeling of Lonliness /being lonely in this

beautifully penned piece~ and the picture matches the words

quite well ~showing the vague past and now haunting memories

Excellent Verse!!~Fran Marie

[Salvatore Buttaci]

Good visual picture of the swirling smoke and all it connotes: up in smoke, hazy, nebulous, unable to hold onto. It is a great metaphor of the past, especially once love does because now in the wake of love, one rethinks what came before and the big question mark lights up in memory: Was it ever really love? Does love really exist? How fooled I was to believe!

Sal

[Karrar]

its just soo true to reality....your words force the reader to create a visualisation of that scenario and get completely lost in its depth.....bravo!

[T]

Reading your poems I can sense the sadness and loss you feel...beautiful expressions that you share

[Gandré]

This is a stillness of pain personified; the poem resolves itself into something quite simple in the mind.
What it imprints is not just the wording but also the impression of this hopelessness of staying alone and not being able of letting go. wonderful write! I loved this: "Smells of the past / The past is her home" ------it makes a gravid sound when I read it loud and deep meaning.

[Mistral Bilgera]

sadness, profound but very beautiful!! thanks for the wonderful review... and by the way, the word choice in your poem is really brilliant! :)

[Kevin Andros]

Just as your work. Why do you keep writing sad stuffs, is still a mystery to me, but I know one thing for certain is that you do that extremely well. I liked this line the most:

To build rings that will soon disappear

Like an incomplete love affair

How true. Nicely visualized. Keep writing. ~KA~

[LadyLove]

Sadly gorgeous. I feel the heartache...how she sits in quiet and goes to her past instead of living. A good one kid.

[Deborah Leah Krempa]

Sounds so much like lonliness, the kind you feel deeply. Thank you for sharing. Debileah