If I were a leaf

Imagine yourself as a leaf carried by the storm to where your heart is so that you can spend one more moment with him.

 

 

 

Raging storm, come my way

Take me flying away with you

Like other leaves that know no future

Like twigs broken from their past

 

Thrash me up, push me down

Let me go in circles round

To blend with the dust,

To be twisted and crushed

 

Destroy what I wished to be

Rip open every vein in me

But help me out of this melancholy

Please take me to where my heart lives

 

I wish to see him just one more time

To feel his loving touch again

But do not allow him to see my pain

Let him mistake my tears for rain

 

The sight of him will soothe my nerves

A touch from him will revive my soul

If I don’t survive nature’s fury

Death at least, will free me from misery

 

And if I manage to overcome the storm

I will be left soaking with my tears

But the vision of him in my mind

Will be my strength to endure the remaining years 

Author's Note

April 2008: Unedited. I may make some changes later. Suggestions very much welcome.

May 2008: Thanks to everyone who has helped me re-write it.

Reviews

[Serendipity]

No changes, its perfect.

As always your words break my heart. I'm sitting here also wishing, "Please take me to where my heart now lives." I wonder if he will notice, "But do not allow him to see my pain." Although I cannot agree that, "The sight of him will soothe my nerves ... A touch from him will revive my soul." I just wish to be free from the pain, please just "free me from misery."

[Adela Muresan]

Nice piece. Vrery 'gently' penned.
To tell you the truth I'm not an amateur of such poetry, but I have to admit it does reflect the importance of love in life, well.

Great write.

A.M.

This is my first review of your piece, and I have yet so much to learn from you, but I like how you write, and I find you have a good grasp of essential needs on what makes a good poem.

Great form, great choice of words, well painted imagery, well imparted message, strongly felt emotions.

You write very well.

I like this

[Partha]

another great poem, very nice imagination written with a nice flow. worth reading.

[Rambling Prose]

This is a heartfelt write & one powered by emotion. May the raging storm whisk this leaf to a mountain cleft, where it might safely abound - and perhaps from above - peer down on all its sorrow - until the heartache becomes nothing more than a season of the past.

~nicely penned~

[Jane Doe]

I did not have the pleasure of reading the unedited piece, but this piece is fantastic. I love the imagery you use. Great Writing!

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I'd take out the word "now" in the third verse. We are in the present tense here already so it is not necessary to the structure. I will also tell you that this is a fabulous and beautiful piece of poetry, simply wonderful to have read this.

[Deborah Leah Krempa]

This poem hit home as I love someone in such a way as it describes, though it was years ago, i still feel the same, Good writing. Thank you for sharing. Debileah

[Lau Thiam Kok]

The last stanza is great,
"And if I manage to overcome the storm
I will be left soaking with my tears
But the vision of him in my mind
Will be my strength to endure the remaining years"

I favour this,
"endure the remaining years"

it is enegetic and full of strength.
thank you.

[Bhavya Kaushik]

I loved the picture above and the formatting of this poem a lot! It is enhancing the feel of the write according to me :)
And I don't think so that you need to change anything in it..
It is indeed such a perfect work 8-)
I found a great sense of symbolism in it, which is so deep and intense!
Also the simile in the first para is really amazing!
Great write! :)


"Our Lord has written the promise of resurrection, not in books alone, but in every leaf in springtime."

[Rain]

I wish so much I could siphon this seemingly eternal pain over your loss. I want you to be happy. Happy will only come when you forget your own pain, and free yourself from this nightmare. He is not the only one in the world that can make you happy. I hurt for you with each read. Rain..