The Lonely Footprint

 

 

 

As one wave after another

Comes crashing at my feet,

Tears roll down my cheeks and

The drops are lost in the sea below

 

Though you’ve never been here

This place reminds me of you

For I have created memories of us

Walking on these golden sands TOGETHER

 

I turn back and look one last time…

Just one set of footprints.

The sea beckons me...

And soothingly washes it away.

Author's Note

Thanks to Blackbirdsong for suggestions.

Reviews

[Blackbirdsong]

Another lovely poem from you and this one as well has a dreamy quality that is also ultimately poignant and full of longing. Again I think your words are stronger than any devices with fonts or caps....so in my humble opinion I would just write the words, "together," and "mine" as is...the power is already there. Your poetic voice is quite strong.

Also - sorry but I really do like this poem and I wanted to spend some more time with it - I think the last stanza would might be better like this -

" I turn back and look one last time�
Just one set of footprints. (I took away "mine" because it is clear what you are talking about)
The sea beckons me (more dreamy and evocative without "to come")
And washes it away."

Again just a suggestion. I'm not trying to rewrite your work in any way. I have really enjoyed reading your work and look forward to reading more in the future.

[Bhavya Kaushik]

Wow! What a great imagery and visualization.
This one is really very deep and thoughtful. You described the entire journey of your life so effortlessly in this poem.
The change of time when you were "Together" creating your footprints and till the time when sea only left "yours" has been described brilliantly.
Really, it is such a great piece of writing :)

[Sean M. Addams]

great piece ...... imagery is very good in this..... sad but beautifully done.... nice job !!!!

[Helena]

Poignant and sad.....at the same time peaceful.
One set of footprints always look lonely on a beach.

"For I have created memories of us
Walking on these golden sands TOGETHER"

Maybe one day there will two sets of prints, walking side by side.


Thank you for submitting this to my "Loneliness" contest.

~ Helena ~

[Gordon]

Very well done. It looks as though Blackbirdsong's suggestions made it into your poem. I never saw the original but it would be nice to see. If you're not too busy and have it around could you message to me or something?

One little quirk in the work I noticed.
Shouldn't it be?
"And soothingly washes THEM away." (for some reason my brain wants to use THEM)
It's "one set" so maybe IT is right. I just pictured a trailing line of footprints along the shore and they were washed away.

GREAT POEM THOUGH!

[Kevin Andros]

it is superb peice of composition. Nicely done. super.

As one wave after another

Comes crashing at my feet,

Tears roll down my cheeks and

The drops are lost in the sea below

these linese are very nice. Tears rolling down cheeks and lost at sea. Maybe the sea is made by millions and zillions of teardrops. ~KA~

[Sarah]

What wonderful symbolism in this poem. (: Your description of the sea was gorgeous, and the idea of one set of footprints instead of two is a unique way to write of loneliness. Great job. (:

Thats a beautiful poem,it all goes together so well,a great picture to go with it.

[Dominick]

Great visualizations mixed with a short and to point storyline makes this an excellent write.

My favorite part has to be:
"Though you've never been here
This place reminds me of you"

It points out the hopes and dreams that got washed away.

[Just Manoosh]

Simply beautiful. I don't want to dissect this further .... rather just let it be. Mx

[Ladysue]

You created such a strong image with this one. It evokes many feelings within the reader. A beautiful, yet very sad piece. An excellent write!!