Same Old Story - I

 “Aeiso Gaye pardes piya tum, chain Hume nehi aye, mora saiyaan mose bole Na” …

It’s raining heavily sitting in the balcony Ira gets wet. Even the rain can’t calm her burning eyes, effortless rain is there in her eyes, and the hustle bustle in her heart is like that of the moment before storm. She loves Kabir. ‘I love Kabir’ she keeps repeating hysterically. The loss of love in her life has sent her to the ultimate peak of grief. She wishes if it was just a break up, but cheating? Kabir cheating a girl who loves him more than anything she knows. Since the moment she wakes up to the moment she losses herself in the deep sea of sleep her only focus is Kabir. How can that Kabir abuse her, her love, her trust her loyalty! Grief, despondence if there is anything like that then is being experienced by Ira right now. Maa could never understand her feelings, for her Kabir has always been a distraction for her daughter from studies. But she couldn’t explain it to her mother that Kabir was just not a boyfriend to her. The very first feeling of liking with a guy has started by Kabir, it turned to love and it remained! Ira just completed her high school and since class VIII she was in love with Kabir in such a small age the burden of a five year long relationship was in fact something hard for this girl and time went by she kept on being serious about him mature, sincere, friendly, space giving and what not. Ira has always been a complete package of a girlfriend for Kabir, but then some things in life is suppose made to happen.  That’s what is called karma, fate!

Ira is tired now; tired of crying, rain has stopped clouds are still hanging in the sky, providing no peace to Ira. She walked across her room fetched a bottle of water from the table and looked at the clock, 11:00am. She went near the mirror, what does she look like? Dark typical Bengali complexion, big eyes, nose, and lips everything is on their right place. Then? What was her limitation?  She feels so broken, eyes are filled again. Ira screams out of anger, why it’s me? Why its always me to be devoid of love? Devoid of friendship?  There is no friend of her whom she can call right now, shout and scream and cry resting her head on their shoulder. Parents never loved each other she guess, might be her birth was just an accident not love. That’s the reason she can never experience love in her life. Then why to stay alive? She wonders. Nobody loves her, she can’t love anyone now. Then? Then for whom? For what? Loneliness captures her soul so tight, no escape from there.

The garden behind her house is the favorite place of her father in the house.  She goes near the flowers and finds some flowers are eaten up by some stupid insects. Papa applies pesticide in order to save them, to save flowers from the misery. Why is there not any such pesticide for our life? The bottle has got no label on it, pretty old the fluids inside is white. Smell is so foul, slowly and slowly she keeps gulping the fluid in to her throat. It tastes unusual, smells bad, and burns the throat. But she keeps on drinking, until her watery blur vision gets completely dark.