Survivor

The flowers are dead

Pressed in the pages of dusting journals

That hide between the self-help books

You never bothered to read.

 

You haven’t touched it

Since he touched you, since

The leather reminds you of his skin

Against yours, since

The blank pages remind you

Of the silence you’re left with.

 

You used to sing to the moon

And the moon would sing to you

It always gave you silver linings

So darkness was always

Navy blue like your favorite sweater.

 

There’s a hole that’s worn through

On the upper left of the chest

Exposing a thread-bare soul

Frozen cold by the breath of those

Who took yours away.

Now you say you’ve caught your breath

I can tell,

                You still can’t catch your breath.

 

Let’s walk to the summits of mountains

And sing at the top of our hearts

Let’s empty our lungs in the hidden streams

The water will embrace

All your hidden screams.

Let the water reflect you

And I know what you see

But I promise if seeing is believing

We’ll never see the same things.

 

Please dive your hands in that distorted reflection

I’ll tell you what’s there is

Imperfect perfection.

I’ll dive my hands into that can of

Gold paint.

To redraw every wishing star

Every missing sunrise

Every bit of the light in your eyes

That he took away with

Every stroke of your inner thighs

 

I’ll stroke your waving hair

Brush stroke away your fear

Paint you yellow like

Buttercups

 

Let’s pick these flowers acre by acre

One by one

Ache by ache

Until nothing’s left to take

I hope that you awake from this nightmare

Alive.

 

You don’t feel so alive

You don’t feel much at all

Except the salt deposits

Lining the body bags beneath your eyes

So let’s go to the weeping willow

To weep under its arms

Feel they protect you

Away from his harm

 

Let’s carve our names in its sacred flesh

Release all your pain

And try catching your breath.

 

We’ll stand by the lake

With skipping stones

Like your heart’s still skipping beats

And you’re feet still aren’t

Skipping streets

You’re still down on your knees

Cursing the statistic

Cursing your Hell.

Your two hundred six bones

Break under the weight of your

Memory well.

 

Don’t you dare fall down your

Memory well

Don’t you dare drown in your

Memory well

Let’s hoist down some buckets

And starve your mind dry

I want you to forget the

Red in his eyes

The demons inside that

Left your heart dried

Of the trust.

 

He left your heart

Out to rust.

 

Let’s go down to the bridge

With the rust on its beams

Like your soul has been rusting

From the storms in your eyes.

The storms in your heart

It’s not so surprising

You’re falling apart.

 

I hope you never fall anywhere

But together, anymore.

I know you feel weak

But come with me.

Let’s gather together

Your dusted journal

Gather your trust

And wipe off your rust

Pick up your pencil and let those words sing

I promise if seeing is believing, you’ll see you have wings

He can’t take those away

                I promise you that

                Those always will stay.

 

Your heart is still pulsing

Start pulsing your wings;

I promise if seeing is believing,

We’ll believe the same things.

 

Recovery’s a process

And you’re only just

Beginning.

Reviews

[Odysseus Wanders]

Wow Alli... just amazingly beautiful. Such a wondrous craft. Heart rending yes... and just so beautiful in courage and wisdom. I cant even count the amazing lines in this piece of work. There are so many...
Agh! I don't know whether to cry scream rage or cheer. I feel all of these things. Still. Even after reading. Every damn horrible detail you put so courageously into a work so precious. I feel nothing but love for you. Its just a beautiful work you've penned here. I am just so sad that the price so costly. I am so sorry. My powerless causes me to want to rip out my eyes, and yet, you stand so determined. Whoever you are Alli... your deserving of great admiration.