Life and Death

As a child

She said: I never felt more alive than that instant before you drop from the peak of a swing

And never have I felt more dead than that instant I realized

                I couldn’t swing forever.

 

She said: I want to feel alive

I want to swing again.

 

And I said: No friend, it’s time that we go home, but we’ll come back tomorrow

The time is ours, and there’s always more to borrow.

 

And we were both so young and naive

And we’d only wear half a heart on our sleeve

And you’d scream: please don’t leave

And I’d say that I wasn’t going anywhere.

 

But someone hurt her on the way

And turned her colors all to gray

 

So when she was older

She’d mention: I never felt more alive than that instant before the blade crosses my wrist

And I’ve never felt more dead than that instant before the bleeding

                Stops.

 

She mentioned: I want to feel alive

I want to cut again.

 

You were under so much pressure

To be perfect and you needed a release

And all I wanted to do was to help apply the pressure

To help your bleeding cease.

 

But you couldn’t take the pressure

You needed another peace.

 

And I said: Oh dear God help me, help us

Help her learn to trust

In you and help her learn to trust a bit

Within me too.

 

                Oh Lord, have mercy on her. I know she has sinned

                But can’t you see the scars on her skin

                That show the battles she’s faced

                Set your fingers upon her arm and trace

                The hate that she’s written upon them.

 

But she still wanted to decrease.

So she’d scream: I never felt more alive than that instant my stomach grumbles with hunger

And I’ve never felt more dead than that instant I lose

                Control.

 

And she screamed: I want to feel alive

I want to starve again.

And I’d tell her that I know her mother made her cry

But you can’t divorce your family and you can’t divorce your thighs

And you’re stomach is so flat; I know you’ll flat-line soon

Here’s a bowl of cereal �" I’ve even brought a spoon.

 

Even on the tightest setting your belt is loose

Even when it rests on the equator of your hips

But I know your goal is to make sure your pants slip

Down to your feet because you’re just dying for to meet

God.

 

But you’ve mistaken God for the man in the moon

So I feel your death is coming soon.

 

But I said: Dear God please save her

Her hopes are such a blur

In the mirror in which her body’s so distorted

The mirror in which her body’s so contorted

Into these geometric shapes that leave her wishing for more

But really wanting less as she fights this inner war

With herself.

 

                Oh please God, you need to help

                I know she’s dying, and even though she’s living

                I know she’s just surviving. She’s giving

                It her all.

                Please God; please don’t let her fall.

 

But she fell.

And she cried: I never felt more alive than that instant before the line went flat.

And I’ve never felt more dead than that instant before that line showed the presence of pulse

Back again.

 

She cried: I want to feel alive

I want to die again.

Almighty God have mercy on me

Forgive me my sins

And bring me to everlasting life.

 

I said: Never have I felt more alive that the moment you woke

Never have I felt more alive than that moment you spoke

                To me and told me you couldn’t feel your throat.

And I told you that that was because the pills that you choked

Damaged your central nervous system

But in time, you would be okay.

 

I said: But never have I felt more dead than the instant after you told me

You’d attempt it all again.

Reviews

[The Old Ashes]

Made me cry.

[Wolfwind]

This was stunningly amazing in it's flow and verse, rhyme and emotional pulses. I couldn't keep from not reading it, for it's tempo is almost mesmerizing. The transitions from scene to scene, woven with the overall topic was unbelievably well done. The description was clear as time jumped from one point to the next.

Phenomenal Craftsmanship Ink! 1000/100
Aaron