Karaoke Nights

"When I tell all the world that I love you..."
That old familiar melody pours out
Into the night air. Neon lights of blue
And red flicker. Friends gather round-about
Tables, bobbing and singing with the song
That you sing, and watching your "white man" dance.
Life is good again, and the night is long-
It's just another fine weekend at Champs.
We sit at the bar taking in the sound
Of singers; good or not, we wouldn't miss
The chance to hear them all and hang around
Watching that wonderful DJ, Ry Krisp.
The sound of your voice had us from the start:
"Build me up, Buttercup, don't break my heart."

Author's Note

An experimentation in sonnet writing- forgive the poor rhythm, I'm still working at iambic pentameter

Reviews

[Danielle Asher]

your piece has a nice flow. I like reading about experiences like this one. You tell it really well with just enough description. My only thing was the ending felt a little bit abrupt. Maybe like I needed another line or two.
Thanks so much for sharing your work.

peace,
Danielle

[X]

this is a very good poem!
i'm impressed.
welcome to writerscafe.
hope you enjoy it as much as i do. =]]
back to the poem.
it sounds like whoever this person is about, you were really close to them and entangled in them.
i hope you two are okay with each other.
i really like that you didn't make it rhyme, that gets annoying if overused.
overall, it's a good piece of work.
as always, everyone's work could be improved and i think that if you really put some hard work into it, you could get a really incredible sonnet.
job well done.
=]
i hope to see some more of your work on here sometime real soon.
good luck.
monica.