Lost in my life

 

 

 

For the first time in a few years I actually had a good feeling about this day...was it because I was down by the river court and it reminded me of when i was younger and had more freedom? Or Maybe it was because it reminded me of when my mom was healthy and didn't have Hodgkin Lymphoma? I don't know but whatever it was I was feeling good about playing basketball again.

I felt the breeze going through my long black hair and lay down on the bench and just thought a minute about my childhood, even though i was 15 and had a long time left in life I felt that my childhood was gone. Completely gone.

• Zoey...?         Zoey...? ZOEY!

• Ok...WHO THE         HECK IS YELLING AT ME?!, I screamed and sat up guessing i had fallen         asleep laying there. I sat up and there was Kimberly, my best friend         since 1^st grade. She had always been there for me ever         since I found out about my mom.

• It's the cops,         we're here to arrest you for not coming to school today, Kimberly         joked.

• Ha ha. Funny         Kim, I said to her with my unpleasent smile.

• Seriously Zo,         where were you today? And yesterday...and the day before?

• I was at         home...studying...Kim I'm sorry I'll go to school tomorrow, I said         and stood up and took my basketball and walked to the river to sit         down and try to ignore Kim.

• Zo, you've said         that the whole term pratically!

• I'm sorry but i         was in school last week, i said and sat down on the side to the         river...

• That isn't         enough! If you wanna become a great journalist as you've always         dreamt off you gotta go to school to get in to college! Jeez Zo!

I don't know what happened to me then but I just stood up pushed Kim to the side and ran home. On the way home I just couldn't stop running I just felt the air brushing through my hair and I tried forgetting about all my problems while running down that long hill to my house . The next thing i knew i was sitting on the doorstep into our house. My dad was probably inside sitting by the tv drinking beer. That's how it's been since mom found out that she had Hodgkin Lymphoma.

Then I heard the door opening behind me.

• Sugar, where         have you been? How was school?.

It was my dad. He was still in his clothes from last night or more like last month. He hasen't showered in like 2 weeks and his and moms room was filled with fast food all over the floor and it smellt like someone was trying to build a farm in there.

• Zoey! You                 okay? You look abit pale...

I didn't feel like lying to my own dad about not attending school in the last 2 weeks but I did. I didn't want him to feel worse then he already did but I guess that changed since he sat down on the doorstep and took a deep and looked at me.

• Whats going on         Zo?, he asked once again.

• What do you         mean?, I asked and sat down next to him and leaned my head on his         shoulder.

• Your principal         called...She said you had been absent the past 2 weeks, he said and         looked into my hazel now teary eyes.

I didn't answer. I couldn't. My feelings were just too many and I felt like I wasen't able to move my mouth. It was just to hard to see my dads disappointed face. But unfortunatly he continued...

• I think you         have to start over...In another state without me and your mom for         awhile.

• Excuse me?         Start over? Dad! This is not my fault?, I stood up and yelled at him         with furious tears in my eyes.

• Well who's         fault is it when you “drop” out of school?, he asked me standing         up right in front of me now with tears too.

• I don't know!         It's been a hard time for me ever since mom got in to the hospital!

• So that gives         you and excuse to shoplift too?!

• No i'm not         saying..wait. How do you know about the shoplifting?!

• Well, You have         a really caring friend called Kimberly which I think you might have         forgotten about and she told me about that rolex you stole in the         mall the other day...

• I haven't         forgotten about her and that was just a big missunderstanding!

• Well whats it         called then when you don't return her calls, pretend to not be home         when she visits and all of those stuff?!

I felt so messed up, I couldn't handle hearing all this so for a second I just felt a dizziness and couldn't really see or hear anything and I fell on the ground. It felt like everything would come in place one day but I would have to do something I would never consider doing...Moving to another state, another city, another school...Another family.

 

 

 

• Hey!         She's awake now nurse!, I heard my dad in the background of my mind         telling the nurse that was outside in the corridor.

• Dad...,         I whispered to him since it hurt in my throat to talk too loud.

• Yes         hun, he said and took my hand in his and squeezed it.

• I'm..i'm...going         to..., I stopped for a second to catch a breath.

• Your         going where?, he asked really confused squeezing my hand even harder         almost crying.

• Wherever         you want...me too.

• Lincoln.

• Dad.         I really don't wanna talk about presidents right now...

• No.         I mean Lincoln...Nebraska. There's where your going.

Before I could say anything the nurse came in and said that I had to take some tests and my dad had to leave for a few minutes.

Then I started thinking. Lincoln, Nebraska... Weird. Why would I go there? We didn't have any family there and dad knew I wasen't a farmer kind of girl.

I wonder when I would go there... Where I would live...I had so many questions.

Why would they even send me away? Didn't they want me anymore? I had so many stupid questions you couldn't believe it.

• How         are you feeling?, I heard someone say in the background of my         thinking. It was Kim.

• Oh.         Hi Kim. I'm feeling better. They said I fainted just because of         stress...

Later on it was just akward silence for almost 5 minutes and to tell you it felt like an hour of silence.

• So...did         you hear about...you know the thing?, I asked her to get our         conversation going.

• What         thing?, Kim asked confused.

• Well...I'm         moving. To Lincoln, Nebraska.

• Um         what?

• I'm         moving.

Then the silence started again...and then Kim leaned forward over my legs and started crying. It just felt like I was disappointing everyone today. Me, my dad, and now my best friend.

I hugged Kim and said that it was all going to be fine even though I knew it wasen't going to be fine since we're like sisters and she doesn't have anyone but me and now I'm leaving her.

• I'm         sorry, I said and released my arms around her.

• No.         Don't be. I'm going to be fine. Just...stay in touch.

• Ofcourse,         I said and gave her another hug.

Then we just started laughing. I don't know why but it made my day somehow. Just getting to laugh which I haden't done in ages. Who could imagine it would feel so good to laugh? Ha ha.

• Kimberly,         Would you mind giving me a moment with my daughter?, my dad said         when he came into the room. He had now dressed up nicer and probably         showered.

• Ofcourse         Mr. Huntley, Kim replied nicely and left the room with tears in her         eyes from LAUGHING not crying this time.

• Hi         Dad, I started off. I mean what should I say?!

• Hi         Zoey, he said and sat down next to me.

• I'm         really sorry about everything dad. I know I can change. I know it!

• Zoey...this         isn't the first time this has happened. I know you might be sorry         now but what about next week? Will you be then?

I knew he was right. I just didn't want to admit it. Even though I told him before I would move to Lincoln I wasn't sure if I had a chance of staying. I wanted to change the subject so I said.

• When         am I leaving?

• Well         your mother wanted to say goodbye first and talk to you so your         probably leaving in 2 days...

• 2         DAYS?!

• I'm         sorry hun.

We looked at eachother and knew we both wouldn't say anything because none of us wanted too. So he left...

 

 

When I came home later at night I went up to my bedroom to start packing. I had always loved adventures and visiting new places and this would be exciting but I really didn't want to leave. My feelings were so mixed I guess thats why I've done all these stuff the past weeks. I was feeling hurt, frusturated, mad, betrayed, but at the same time abit happy. I mean when I thought about all the good times at the river court and at the beach it just seemed a waist of time. I mean here I am, the worse I could ever be, shoplifting, skipping school, what will happen next? I didn't even want to think about it but at the same time I did. It was confusing, I was confusing. This was so hard. I didn't know what to feel. I didn't even cry. Did this mean I was happy for leaving Miami for awhile?There was always alot of fun stuff to do here and Lincoln didn't seem like the most entairtaning spot in the world.

• Dinner         Zo!, I heard dad screaming from downstairs.

Wow. This must have hit him. He is actually making dinner now, maybe me fainting made him realize he might be loosing me any day, any minute...Then I just smiled of joy. When I came down stairs I saw I was wrong. He was still sitting in the sofa with his beer in his hand and his feet on the table watching Baseball on Tv and he haden't even tried cleaning up in there.

• Hey         Zo! I have your favorite food here, Taco Bell!, dad said and         actually looked away from the baseball at me for a minute.

• Um...My         favorite is Subway, I said under my breath walking towards to take a         bite of the Taco Supreme that mom always used to buy at Taco Bell.

• Oh         right..., he said and looked away and turned to the Tv again.

On my way up to my room I couldn't control my feelings I just dropped the plate of Taco Supreme and felt and anger come over me and I just cried sitting on the stairs up to my room. This isn't the first time this has happened. This usually happened when I realized my own dad didn't really know me!

An hour later I went downstairs to see if dad was still awake and he wasen't. He had fallen asleep infront of the tv with the baseball game still going on. I knew he wouldn't realize me sneaking out if I did, so I did. I didn't know where to go but I had to get away from everything for awhile. I put on my black leather jacket and my brown long boots. It was getting abit chilly outside since it was 12 am now. I walked through the park and just enjoyed the silence of the wind in my face. In the end I realized I was at the river court again. I sat down by the bench and thought how it would be like in Lincoln, Nebraska. I would probably live with some farmer family that loved their own cows as if they were their own possesion. Ha ha. I started laughing by myself. Without controlling anything I went to the bus stop and waited for Bus 27 going to...Mercy Hospital. Where mom was probably sleeping right now. I know that visiting hours ended at 9 PM but I just had to go there. Don't know why. I didn't need to have a reason...She was my mom!

When I was there I went to the reception and asked for room 234 mrs. Huntley.

• I'm         sorry sweetheart. Visiting hours ended at 9 PM., the receptionist         said to me.

Oh gosh. I hated when people called me sweetheart when they didn't even knew me. Seriously!

• But         i'm her daughter...please let me in., I begged with some tears in my         eyes.

• Fine         but you can only stay for a few minutes.

• Thank         you, I said and took the elevator up to the 4^th floor.

I couldn't say anything, or even hear anything for a second. It was just too much seeing mom sleep there with tubes in everywhere in her body. She still kind of looked the same. She still had her long beautiful black hair and she still had that peaceful look on her face when she was sleeping. I went to sit down next to her. I dragged the chair closer to her bed and took her hand.

• Zoey...?,         It was mom, she had woken up.

• Mom!         I'm sorry if I woke you up...

• No         no you didn't. I'm glad your here. I haven't seen you for awhile.

• I         know...mom...do you know about me going away for while?, I asked         looking down on my shoes that were now stomping on the floor.

• Yeah         I know. Don't worry about it. I'm going to be...f -i..nn, she         stopped talking and I heard people panicking around me. I didn't         know what to do I stood up released my hand from hers and looked at         her.

• MOM!,         I finally screamed.

• Sorry         you gotta step out of the way! She's going to the OR!, A tall man         told me and rolled her bed out of her room.

• Whats         going on?! Mom! Whats happenening?!, I screamed.

Then I saw a nurse come towards me and said I should sit down and she would get a soda for me. I said there. Not saying anything. Not looking at anything except at the place where moms bed was before...Then I saw the nurse come into the room again.

• She's         going to be fine you know, she said.

• Huh?,         I said confused being in my own world

• Your         mom. She's going to be fine. I know it.

• What?         Are you physic or something?, I said and stood up to go away to the         water machine.

She looked at me with so innocent eyes and with a kind of scared look in her eyes. She must have been around 18 just working there as a summer job.

• I'm         sorry. I didn't mean to be rude. I'm just scared because i'm leaving         the Nebraska in 2 days and I don't want my mom to forget me, I said         and sat down again.

• It's         fine, I'm used to it, she said and smiled at me.

• So...whats         going on with her? Is this usual?, I asked her.

• Well         she's going to be fine. This just happens when it gets too much         around her.

• I         should leave tomorrow..., i whispered to myself.

• Where?,         the nurse had heard me and now asked for an explanation. Great.

• No         where. I gotta go but when my mom is better say that “Zoey is in         Nebraska and that i love her really much and that I'm sorry for         everything”.

• Will         do, She said and followed me out the door and locked it.

 

 

When I woke up the next morning, I went down stairs to dad in the tv room where he was still sleeping.

• Dad...Dad,         i whispered in his ear shaking his shoulder.

• What?,         he said rubbing his eyes with his hand.

• Can         you drive me to the airport in 3 hours? I'm leaving to Nebraska         today.

• What?!         But your leaving tomorrow. You won't have time to say Goodbye to         your mother, he said and stood up.

• I         was there yesterday and said bye but if you hurry to get ready we         can drive by the hospital again, or?, I asked him with a smile.

• You         were there yesterday?! Without me? Ugh. Never mind. Just get in the         car and I'll be there in 10 minutes, he said so pissed at me because         I visited mom when he wasen't with. Well I don't care! Seriously.         Instead he should just get out and do something for example visit         mom! Instead of shouting at me for wanting to see my mom. Well I         don't care. They don't want me here right now so I'm making them         happy by leaving.

 

 

We walked into moms room in the hospital and there she was lying wide awake zipping through the Tv Channels they had on the tv in the hospital.

• Hey         mom, I said and gave her a careful hug.

• Hi         Hun. How are you guys?, She said and gave dad a hug and a kiss on         the cheek.

• We're         doing good. I'm going to Lincoln today..., I said and took her hand         in mine to warm it.

• Oh.         I thought you were going tomorrow?, she responded and squeezed my         hand carefully.

• Well.         We thought it would be easier to just leave as soon as possible, Dad         answered for me with a fake smile.

• Well         do you know who your going to live with there yet?, mom asked         concerned.

• No...Dad         knows but he hasen't told me, I said and sat down by the window with         a glass of water in my hand.

• Well...Your         going to live with my best friend Joe's brother Dan Clevenger. He         has a daughter your age thats called Amber and his wife is called         Amy. They live abit outside Lincoln at a...

• Farm?,         I asked, giggiling abit.

• Um         no. They live by a beach outside Lincoln and your going to go to         school at Maxwell High School and DON'T skip it! Try to start over         there. Ok Zo?, Dad continued.

Didn't sound too bad. I mean I love the beach and Maxwell High School...? I don't know about that but I don't seem to like anything with School in it so I better get used to it.

• Zo?         Is that clear?, I heard dad ask me again.

• Yes         dad. I will not skip school.

• Good.         Now you gotta catch a plane, Dad said and gave mom a hug.

  -         Can I talk to mom for a minute before dad?, I asked him and sat on         the chair next to mom.

• Fine         but hurry!

• Fine!,         i told him.

• Mom...I         know your not in such a good condition but take care of him too         please...He is not doing very well and I want him to be happy while         i'm gone so please take care of him AND you, I told her and hugged         her.

• Ofcourse         Zoey.

That was our goodbye. After that I just left the room crying and ran down to the car. I couldn't believe this was happening and I haden't even said bye to Kim and wouldn't have time.

• Are         you okay? I thought you would be handeling this whole thing alot         worse but your actually doing it well, dad complimanted me when I         came into the car drying my tears away.

• Yeah         I'm fine, it's just abit much. I mean I didn't really know that you         guys would send me away like this, I said and started fiddeling with         my fingers.

• We're         not sending you away. We're giving you a chance to start over.

• What         if I don't want to start over?, I said and looked up at him.

It was a red light and people were crossing the road in this raining morning probably going to work or school while I was sitting in the car on the way to the airport because my parents didn't seem to be able to handle me at home anymore.

• If         you don't want to start over, well then you have to do it for us and         theres nothing that can stop you now, he answered looking at me.

We looked at eachother for awhile and then it turned green. I turned away to look on the road which was all wet now since it was pouring down rain. My eyes were starting to tear up but I didn't want to show my tears to my dad. I pretended I had something in my eyes and said “ouch” and dryed my eyes with my black cardigan.

Then we were there. The airport. I used to love going to the airport because it would mean we were going on a vacation but now it didn't seem like a point to be there. I had made some mistakes and they were sending me away. I know they've given me abit too many chances but this time I meant it. I would change but they didn't seem to understand that so maybe I'll come home sooner if I act cool with this whole messed up thing.

We haden't said anything to eachother the whole trip except when we discussed the whole thing about me starting over...which I didn't want to think about now.
Now he spoke up when we came into the airport and we were going to go seperate ways.

• I'm         sorry for all this Zoey. This is just so hard on me too, your not         the only one it's affecting. I wish you could stay but isn't it         better if you get a chance to do it right this time?, he asked me         crying now holding my shoulders tightly.

• Dad...I         want to do it right, But i want to have another chance HERE not in         another state with some strangers that might aswell be some serial         killers, I told him to try to make him worried but he just laughed.

• It's         not funny dad! They might kill me!, I told him but he just laughed         even more.

• Ha         ha Zo. You have always had a funny mind. Didn't you hear me before?         At the hospital...I almost know these people, they're really nice         and caring so don't worry about being killed, he answered me letting         go of my shoulders.

• Fine         dad but you'll see...next week i'm going to be in the news paper all         over USA and the headline will be “15 year old gets killed when         she gets sent to Nebraska!”, I joked with him with a small smile.

We both smiled at eachother, this was the first time in a few weeks we had actually joked with eachother and it was a good feeling.

• Goodbye         Zoey. I love you, you know that right?, he told me while he hugged         me softly.

• I         know dad. I love you too. I'm going to miss you too, I answered him         while hugging him back.

Then a women in dads age with a flight attendant costume came to show me the way to the gate I was going to wait for the airplane. I looked back and I saw my dad have tears in his eyes but at the same time it was some kind of glow around him that showed that he was happy that I would get a chance to start over in a whole new state, family and life. This made me happy, to see him happy so I smiled back at him with tears in my eyes. I turned around and followed the flight attendant who was talking to me but I didn't pay attention to her at all. I was just thinking about all the stuff that was going to happen there. I wonder how the girl in my age is going to be...Amber...sounds like a nice name. Hopefully not one of those cheerleaders who's always so cheery and ugh I hate them. I don't know why, all of the cheerleaders I've met has just been too much on me.

• Hello?         Have you ever been in Nebraska before?, I heard the flight attendant         ask me back in my thoughts. She probably thought I was deaf or         something since it must have been 10 minutes ago or so since we         started walking towards the gate. The funny thing was that I just         looked at her like “What the heck?” so she started doing alot of         signs with her hands trying to show the sentence she had asked me. I         started laughing so badly it hurt so I answered her to resque her         from the akward moment.

• No,         I haven't. My first time, I answered her while still giggiling abit.

• Oh         ok...well that's nice, she said and just stopped talking.

We continued walking for awhile and then she stopped and asked if I wanted to go into a shop to buy something for the trip.

• Yes         please, if you don't mind, I answered her.

I went into the shop while she was standing outside with her arms crossed looking around at all the people going to different places. I bought an apple, some twizzlers and a Seventeen magazine to look through on the plane. On the cover was Miley Cyrus. Are you kidding me? These disney stars were like taking over the world, I thought to myself. I had nothing against them but they were taking over the music industry. I had written about it in the school newspaper last year but no one really cared.

• Are         you ready to go now?, the flight attendant asked me while I was         chewing on my twizzlers.

I nodded to her and continued walking after her. Later on I saw a sign saying “Gate 94”.

• Here         it is, the flight attendant said. “oh and don't forget you have         one stop in Minneapolis and there a women named Makaylia will help         you.” Then she just left.

I gave my passport and airplane ticket to the airport security by the airplane.

They smiled and nodded to me. I walked down a corridor to the actual airplane, my seat was “A34”.

I looked for my seat...scanning through the airplane corridor I finally found it. I sat down by the window and looked out. I took out the daily newspaper that was in front of me. I looked how it was going in the NBA's since I have been following every season of it since I was 5.

• What?!         Orlando Magic lost against Boston Celtics last night?! How is that         possible?, I whispered to myself.

• Please         don't say your an Orlando Magic fan?, I heard a guy voice say next         to me.

• Yeah,         and don't say your a fan of the Boston Celtics?, I responded back         putting the newspaper down.

• Sorry         to disappoint you but this is like the 1^st match Orlando         has won this season!, he teased.

• 3^rd!,         I corrected him with an insulted face. “But you have nothing to         say, Boston Celtics has also won 3 matches this season!”

• 4         Matches..., he corrected.

• Same         Difference!, I said looking at him. He looked like the kind of guy         who would be interested in basketball, he was tall, black hair,         athletic, brown eyes, just a typical basketball guy.

• I'm         Ryan, he said and shook my hand.

• I'm         Zoey..., I said and shook his hand back.

It was abit of an akward silence for a minute or two but then he started talking again-

• So...where         are you going? Minneapolis?,         he asked me after a while.

• No,         Lincoln, Nebraska, how about you?, I asked him with a smile.

• I'm         also going to Lincoln, Nebraska but I live abit outside Lincoln, he         answered.

We talked the whole way to Minneapolis about basketball, Lincoln, school, and everything. He was a nice guy, I was actually suprised since he said he was on his schools Basketball team and in my old school all the guys on the basketball team were jerks. When we landed in Minneapolis I said bye to him and changed direction to meet the other flight attendant Makaylia who was supposed to wait outside the airplane gate and there she was. Kind of a short woman with brown curly hair that was kind of short and she had bright blue eyes, she was also wearing a flight attendant costume, I walked to her and told her I was Zoey Huntley.

• Hi         Zoey! How are you? We gotta hurry since your plane from Miami was         delayed and your plane to Lincoln is taking off in 30 minutes and         you gotta be there 10 minutes early, she said with a pretty smile         and started walking off to the other gate I was going too.

When we were at the gate she said she had to leave but they were going to take good care of me.

So I gave my passport and my second airplane ticket to a women that was smiling so much I thought she was going to break. I went in to corridor which showed the way to the airplane. Again I had seat “A34”. I sat down and fell asleep while thinking about mom and how she was doing right now.

 

 

• Zoey!         Zoey!, I heard someone screaming at me on my way out from the         airplane. It was probably Mrs. Clevenger. I had heard they were that         kind of positive happy family. I guess I had to get used to that.

• Over         here Zoey!, I heard her scream again.

I turned around and I saw a women with medium lenght ash-blonde hair which was up in a bun. She looked very elegant with her thin lips which looked bigger with her bright red lipstick. Her eyes were baby blue which really shined out. She was wearing wide black high pants with a white tucked in blouse with a pair of black high heels to it.

• Are         you mrs. Clevenger?, I asked nicely with a smile.

• Yes         but please call me Amy, I would be happy too, she said and smiled         back and me and took one of my bags and took her hand on my back to         lead me to her car.

I sat down in her car which was a Black Volvo xc90 it was beige seats with a warm feeling in it. She seemed like that kind of family person which made you feel appricieted and loved. Even though I had just met her she seemed like a friend to me.

• So         how was your flight? The flight attendants can usually be rude so         don't pay attention to them, Amy said and looked at me sweetly.

• It         was good, I had someone with same interests as me so I got to talk         to someone, and they weren't that rude, I said and smiled.

• Well,         that's good, she said and looked back on the road.

We didn't talk alot on the way to their house, just talked about how Miami is and stuff. Then it was silence almost the whole way there. I was thinking about how the school was going to be here, and how my parents were. I can't believe how much I have cried in just a few days. I was going to try not to cry this week! It was going to work, it had too. I'm just going to focus on school from now on so I can get home earlier to my family and Kimberly. KIMBERLY! Oh darn it. I forgot to write her an email last night. I gotta do that as soon as possible or she will be mad at me my whole life.

• Zoey,         we're here now, Amy inturupted me during my thoughts.

It was a big white tree house with a lot of open windows and a balcony on the top floor of the house. This house was beautiful, it was like a fairytale... I don't know how to explain it. It was just a beautiful white house. It shined out all the other houses around it so much.

• It's         beautiful Amy, I said to her with a pleasent smile and took my bags         from the back of the car.

• Thank         You Zoey, Amy said and helped me out with the bags.

When I walked into the house it was a big hallway with an amazing roof which was also white. Everything was white here, but it made it so open and fresh. There was two stairs on the side of the room which lead up to the second floor of the house. It looked like a room in those kind of movies where a princess is going to be on tv and has to walk down these long stairs. Thats how it looked!

• Where's         Amber?, I asked Amy when she put my bags down on the floor in the         hallway.

• She's         in school right now. They end at 3, so she will be home then, Amy         answered.

• Oh         yeah! Sorry I forgot that it was 2 o'clock now, I said and laughed         at my stupidity.

• No         need to apologize and before I forget I want to show your room         before I make lunch for us both, Amy said and started walking up the         stairs.

I followed her up the long elegant white stairs and then to the left. There was a long corridor with ofcourse white doors. My room was the last and 5^th door on the corner of the corridor when I opened the door the first thing I saw was a door out to a balcony that was directed to a beach which was on the backside of their house. This was an amazing room. It was a beige and white room which had a huge bed with purple and white sheets. Then it had a big desk with my own laptop on it. A sofa that was parallel to the bed. I sat down on the sofa and took a deep breath and looked at Amy with a big probably dorky smile on my face.

• Thank         you Amy. Why are you doing this for me?, I asked her looking at her         without a smile now. I was serious about this question.

• What         do you mean?, she asked me and sat down on the sofa next to me.

• I         mean... I don't even know you and your helping me with going through         this so well, I explained to her.

• Your         dad told me what was going on in Miami and he said you needed to get         a break and start over and I would do that for my daugther too. I         would help her in any way I could, Amy said and gave me a hug and         stood up.

• I         better go and make some lunch, Amber is usually really hungry coming         home from school, Amy said and laughed. “You should get your stuff         in place.”

I nodded to her and got back to fixing with my clothes and stuff then I went to the laptop to write Kimberly an email. This is how it went:

 

Hey Kim,

 

I'm sorry for not sending you an email earlier but I haven't really had time. It's just too much you know. Leaving everyone and everything. Anyways the flight wasen't too bad...and I live in an AMAZING house right now. Just got back from the airport and Amy (mrs. Clevenger) is really sweet and caring. I haven't met Mr. Clevenger or Amber yet so I don't know how they are but hopefully as sweet as Amy. Right now Amy is making lunch since Amber is on the way home soon from school...my school is called “Maxwell High School” and everyone says it's an amazing school. It's not as hot here as it is in Miami but it's hot outside. Oh yeah! I live by a beach! Isn't that awesome? Now I can go surfing more then usual. Ha ha. I better go now. I heard the door open, it's probably Amber or Mr. Clevenger.

Wish you were here <3

xoxo Zo.

 

I heard the door from downstairs open so I went down to the kitchen which I had seen abit before so I knew abit of the way.

• Mom!         Where is she?! I wanna meet her!!!, It was probably Amber screaming         and jumping around of joy.

• I'm         here..., I jumped in to the convorsation and waved to Amber.

• Oh...Hi!         Sorry about that jumping, screaming and...yeah sorry. My name is         Amber, she said and shook my hand softly.

• Hi         amber, I'm Zoey, I said and smiled.

• I         know...so have you been at the beach yet?, Amber asked.

• No         not really just saw it from the balcony, I responded with a smile.

Amber wasen't what I really expected but seemed like a super nice girl. She was kind of slim and short and had long shiny honey-wheat hair with jade green eyes but the bad thing about that was that she had glasses which didn't really show her really pretty eyes. Her smile was really a winner she had light pink lips who was covered with glitter lip gloss. She seemed like one of those kids who was the outsider but on the inside she was truly beautiful without showing it to the world.

• I         can show you the beach!, Amber said with a huge smile on her face.

• Hey         hey girls. Not too fast now. I'm getting ready with hamburgers we're         going to barbeque later so you girls can carry them out to the         backyard by the beach. I invited some friends over tonight to meet         Zoey, Amy said and gave us some plates with hamburgers getting ready         to be barbequed.

We carried them out and on the way out Amber was talking about a million of stuff like that I got the same schedule as her for school since I'm new and I only know her. When we finished to get the food out we sat down by their pool and dipped our feet in it. The water was humid which was really nice. We sat there and talked for around an hour. It was so fun having a sister, well almost a sister. It felt like she was my best friend and sister.

 

 

The next morning it was time for school. I was so tired after the barbeque but it was alot of fun tonight. They really have big barbeques here. It was more like a party for me then a barbeque...but the thing that really sucks is that all the friends I made at the party tonight doesn't go to Maxwell High School where I'm going. It's going to be weird having to get up at 7 AM to go to school which I haven't done in like 3 weeks now. Then I saw Amber by the door looking at me.

• Hey         Amber, whats up?, I asked her sitting up in my bed now.

Amber came and sat down by my bed fiddeling with her hands.

• I         just wanted to talk for abit, Amber said and smiled at me.

• Sure...Please         tell me about your school? Do you guys have those typical         cheerleaders and everything?, I said and laughed.

• Ha         ha ha, yeah we do just look out for a girl named Felicity         Smith, she is one of the meanest girls in school and then the         popular guy is Ryan Wilson. Ha ha. ALL girls wants him, it's sick,         Amber said and laughed her but off.

• Ryan?,         i echoed thinking about the Ryan I met on the plane...

• Yeah...um         Ryan, Amber said like i was some kind of retard talking to her.

After that we didnt really talk about it. We just talked about the school, boys, normal girl stuff ...You know. I bet we talked to like 1 am because thats when I got to meet her dad for the first time.

• So         this is Zoey Huntley?, he entered the room saying.

• Yes         it is Daddy, Amber said and ran up to him and gave him a hug.

Mike Clevenger was a big tall man with chocolate colored hair and he was wearing a black and white suit.

• Hi         mr. Clevenger!, I said and stood up to shake his hand.

• Oh         please, Don't call me mr. Clevenger! Call me Mike. That's what I         like to be called by my family, he said and gave me a welcoming         smile.

Wait, so they counted me as family now? I can't believe I'm saying this but I've never felt so welcome to a home before then now. They all saw me as their daughter/sister now. I was so happy right now.

• So         what are you girls talking about?, Mike asked and held us tightly in         his arms like a real caring dad.

• Nothing         you have to care about, Amber said and pushed Mike gently and         friendly away laughing.

Now we were all laughing. This was such a welcoming family I couldn't believe I deserved to live with them.

• Wait         girls...whats the time? Shouldn't you be in bed? , he asked us and         we both looked at eachother innocently.

• Um...who         said YOU were awake...Your dreaming Mike...Your a rockstar...You         live in Los Angeles and your going to Europe tomorrow on a big         tour..., I joked with them.

We all were laughing really hard now, Mike followed us to my bed and said Amber can sleep on the extra bed in my room tonight.

• Goodnight         Zoey, Amber said and took her glasses off and closed her eyes.

• Goodnight         Amber, I said after awhile since I needed to concentrate on that         this was really happening!

   

   

          

• Zoey!         Wake up! It's 7, I heard Amber screaming while she was dragging all         her clothes out from her closet to find the perfect outfit for         school.

• How         long have you been awake?, I asked her while trying to wake up.

• Since         6. I made us breakfest, got YOU an outfit, and now i'm trying to         find an outfit for me!, Amber said panicking while sitting on the         floor trying to match some stuff together.

• Oh         my gosh Amber. Take it easy. I'll help you!, I said getting up from         bed slowly.

I went to her closet and let me tell you she had ALOT of stuff to choose from. Finally I chose a pair of light pink skinny jeans with a white cute top and then some nice white flats with abit of glitter diamonds on them which totally fits Amber.

• Are         you sure about this outfit Zoey? It seems abit too much for me,         Amber said and looked at herself in the mirror.

• I'm         sure Amber! What do you usually wear?, I asked curiously.

• Well...I         really like a pair of flowery pants I have! And then with that a         bright orange top which i tuck into the pants. I love that outfit,         Amber described for me and showed me it which she had in her         closet...

• Um...well         that sounds...interesting, I said unsure about what to say to her so         I continued the convorsation.

• But         I think you should try something new!, I said and gave her a look on         her outfit i choose for her.

• Fine...but         check out your outfit now!, Amber said excited.

• It's         fine I'll choose something myself don't worry about it, I said and         gave her a smile.

When that was finished and over with I went downstairs to see what she had made for breakfest and to my suprise she had made an Egg and Bacon Sandwich which i told her last night was my favorite and then she had made pancakes with syrap or chocolate on them with strawberries and a glass of orange juice.

• Jeez,         thanks Amber for this!, I said and sat down by the white modern         table they had in the kitchen.

• No         problem but I thought we could sit outside...it's nice weather today         and I love watching the lake in the morning, Amber said and took our         plates out and I took our glasses of orange juice.

• Oh         yeah sure!, I said and followed her out.

We sat there eating and talking when I saw someone looking exactly like Ryan running cross the beach by the lake. I jumped down under the table so he wouldn't see me and come over because that would just be akward.

• Um...Zoey,         What the heck are you doing?!, Amber yelled.

• Keep         it down Amber!, I told her. “ I mean...we don't want to wake up         the birds shuu...” I said and understood later on how stupid that         sounded!

• The         birds? Oh wow. Miami-People are really weird, she said and came         under the table with me. “Seriously what's happening?”

• Hmm...well         look around carefully, I said but ofcourse she didn't look carefully         she stood up and turned around as fast as she could.

• I         met him on the plane on the way here and we talked the whole way and         I don't want to talk to him because it will be akward, I explained         to Amber but she was just staring at him. Then she turned around to         me and looked at me.

• Well,         your going to have to talk to him sooner or later because he is THE         Ryan I talked about before...The one on the basketball team in our         school that all the girls want...

From there I didn't say anything just ran in and took our school bags and said we should go abit earlier so I'll make a good first impression but Amber just laughed at me.

 

 

I took a deep breath and I walked through the doors into the school and tried to not show myself too much and stay away from everyone so Ryan wouldn't start talking to me.

• SLOW         DOWN ZOEY!, I heared Amber yelling across the corridor running         towards me.

Great! Now my planned was ruined since everyone was staring at me now.

• Did         he notice you when I did that?!, Amber asked when she finally         reached me.

• Hmm...let         me see Amber...well you yelled across the whole corridor my name so         I think the whole world heard it! Smarty pants!

• I'm         sorry but you gotta talk to him, she said and fixed her glasses to         get them in place.

• I         am...soon..., I said and walked away.

• Yeah         right. Well it's going to be fun watching you talk to him now since         we have class with him now. Room 546, English with Mr. Jayde., Amber         teased me.

• Funny,         really really funny, I said and walked into the classroom thinking         she was just joking ofcourse but there he was sitting in the back of         the classroom talking to some friends.

• Talk         to him!, Amber said and pushed me down on a chair next to him.

• Hi         Ryan, did you hear? Orlando won over Boston Celtics yesterday! Hah!,         I started off.

• And         who are you?, he said starting to laugh with his friends.

He didn't remember me, or he was pretending not to know me, either of it was him playing a JERK. A complete jerk. I went over to Amber to explain the whole thing.

• He         didn't remember me, I said with a disappointed face and sat down on         a chair next to her instead of him.

• What?         Are you sure it's him?, she asked me.

• Yes.         He smiles and laughs exactly like the guy I met on the plane but         he's not that same guy, I said and looked over my shoulder to see         him laugh with his friends pointing at me.

• What         should I do Amber?, I asked her crushed by this embarrasment.

• I'm         not one of the popular kids and the thing I do is just ignore         them..., Amber said.

• Ok         Class!, the teacher was here. Mr. Jayde.

I bet i looked like a retard because I kept looking back at Ryan to see what he was doing but he just laughed when I looked back at him.

 

 

I was so happy when I got back home, the day was over! I was still so embarrased to even try to talk to him when I knew something was going to go wrong!

I ran up to my room and sat on the sofa and turned on the tv I got in my room yesterday night from Mike.

• Zoey!         Where are you? I have some chocolate chip cookies for you, Amber         yelled from downstairs.

• I'm         in my room!, I yelled back still zipping through the channels.

• Please         Zoey, don't say your here sad over what happened today, you gotta         get over it!, Amber said when she came into my room.

• I'm         not sad...I'm just mad at him! I thought he would actually be a nice         guy but I was so wrong.

• Take         this cookie, Amber said and gave me one of her cookies she had just         baked.

• I         gotta do some homework...you can join me if you want to whenever,         Amber told me and went back to her room.

I had nothing better to do so I went to “explore” the beach by the lake outside the house. I put my jacket on and went out to clear my head. I walked along the beach and it was getting dark outside so there wasen't anyone there except someone running along the beach...wait oh no...it's Ryan. I turned around and walked calmly so it wouldn't seem like I was running away. I continued walking calmly.

• Zoey?         Zoey!, Ryan was now yelling across the beach.

I turned around and looked at him with a disappointed face and turned around again to walk home.

• Zoey!         Don't ignore me!

• What?!         So you can ignore me? But I can't ignore you? Thats just messed up         Ryan.

• Oh         common!

• I'm         sorry ryan... YOUR messed up, I said and turned around again to walk         home again.

• Please         listen to me!

• Whatever!,         I said and waved my hand to him and ran up the hill to the house.

 

 

Later I went on my laptop to see if I had any new mail from Kimberly and I did. I opened it and this is what it said:

 

Hey Zo!

 

It sounds awesome, i miss you girl! Nothin is the same without you. Haven't had any fun lately. Oh yeah! I visited your mom yesterday and she's doing fine and your dad is too. He usually stays at the hospital to keep her company.

Sorry i didn't write alot.

Xoxo Kim.

 

Hey Kim!

 

I miss you too girl! You should meet the people here! They're all so caring except this guy I met on the plane and he ended up being the most popular guy in the school and now he acts like he doesn't know me in school but I just saw him by the lake and he said hi to me and stuff but i just said I couldn't talk you know.

Xoxo Zo

 

 

The next day I really didn't feel like going to school. Facing Ryan after having such akward moments.

• So         are you two looking forward to the basketball game today?, Amy asked         me and Amber while we were eating cereal.

• What         game?, I asked all confused.

• The         one that starts in like 2 hours, the whole school is going to watch,         Amber explained.

• What?!,         I screamed and “accidently” spitted out my cereal all over the         table.

All of us looked at the milk that was all over the table now.

• I'll         clean that up..., I said and went across the kitchen to get some         paper to clean it all.

After I cleaned it up we got ready to leave for the game. I can't believe they had games during school hours and you had to be there! I mean seriously, some people doesn't even like Basketball...

Then we were there, standing in the school gym waiting for the basketball team to come running in. We went to our seats and I saw Ryan on the side of the gym looking for someone in the audience and when he reached my eyes I got this feeling of joy that would never be explained so good till you experience it yourself. He waved to me and made signs so I would come and talk to him. I stood up and excused me. I just had to talk to him, I don't know what convinced me but I think I was actually listening to my heart for once. I ran down the stairs of the gym and walked to him.

• What         is it?, I asked him coldly and looked away for abit.

• I         needed to talk to you, he said quietly. “I do remember you and i'm         sorry about yesterday”

• That's         it? That wasen't much of an apology..., I responded as coldly as         last time.

• What         do you want me to do?, he asked and looked me in the eyes         straightly.

• I         want you to prove that your sorry, I said and turned my back on him         and continued walking to my seat.

Halfway to my seat I hear Ryan's voice in the Gyms microphone saying “I'm looking for a girl named Zoey Huntley!”.

Oh my gosh. He was going to prove his point now, here, infront of everyone. This was not a good idea. I turned around to look if he really did mean me and I see his eyes and everyone else's eyes on me. I walked slowly to him in the center of the basketball court and couldn't help feeling the adrenaline of my heart when he first took my hand in the middle of the gym where it smellt like sweat from all the basketball players and now the only thing I saw was his deep dreamy eyes. I looked into them and whispered “why are you doing this?”.

• I'm         trying to prove a point, he responded stepping closer to me.

We were now at the same head level, and holding his hands I could feel he was as nervous as me especially when he leaned so close in I could smell the flouriest smell from his breath and then he kissed me softly, thats when I knew I would never forget that moment. It felt like my whole life was complete now. I felt happy, I felt...real.

Then to ruin the moment my phone ofcourse called. I stepped away from him abit and said I would be right back. That was when I realized the whole school had seen us kiss but I didn't care nothing could make me happier right now. I was as happy as I could be.

I answered the phone with my excited and happy voice.

• Hello?,         I answered with a grin on my face.

• Hello.         Zoey? It's dad..., I heard him say. I couldn't really hear him since         he was talking so low right now.

• Hi         dad! How are you?, I asked him jumping of joy now.

• Your         mom is dead Zoey, I heard him cry out. “She's dead”. He was no         crying so much I could barely hear him. He just repeted the same         word over and over again... “she's dead”.

I dropped the phone unexpectly and just cried out “Noooooo” and dropped down on the floor. I didn't know what to do. I was laying there useless. I was laying there like a piece of trash that was going to get thrown away any moment.

 

3 months later...

 

I have now lived in Lincoln for 3 months and I was still crushed after the incident with my mom. For a few weeks I couldn't move out of bed or do anything but my family that i live with now has helped me through it very well...I've gone to a therapist and I'm feeling alot better. I actually feel like that I'm aloud to be happy.

Right now I was standing on the small bridge over the lake outside where we live. I was feeling the fresh air blow my hair softly and gentle. Then I saw Ryan come running as usual, he ran up on the bridge to me and gave me a gentle kiss on the cheek and took his strong protective arms around me and we just looked out on the lake. That is one of my favorite moments in life. When you realize you've met the person who has changed your life. That day I heard about my mother I thought that there was no light to break up the dark but now Family Clevenger has made me see that there IS a light that will break up the dark. You just have to see it yourself and believe in yourself and in the light.

I'm also now happy that my dad also moved in with us so we're all one big family. This actually means that life can be better when you just believe in it.