A Letter for The Teddy Bear

I miss you my Teddy Bear. I forgive you Teddy Bear. I forgive you that you broke up with me a couple of days before Valentines Day. But right now memories hurt... I will never forget you, I promise.

Part of you will live in me
Way down deep inside my heart

Remember me when you're out walkin'
When the snow falls high outside your door
Late at night when you're not sleepin'
And moonlight falls across your floor

You'll find better love
Strong as it ever was
Deep as the river runs
Warm as the morning sun
Please remember me
Please remember me

(Tim McGraw, Please Remember Me)

 

Babe I miss you. You hurt me. And it’s really bad of me to think that, but you deserve to hurt too. And I hope you do. And that makes my pain easier and smaller. Even when deep in my soul I am aware you don’t really miss me. Not me, you miss someone, someone being with you, someone to love you and you to love her back. And that someone is not me. You think it can’t be me. You resemble Eugene Onegin.

Babe I want you, I want you to love me and when you did I would want you to make love to me. I want you to be happy with me. But maybe that’s selfish, so because you believe in esotericism and magic and cards reading maybe, my wish is that:

You be happy in your life, Teddy bear.

You’ll always be a part of me. You taught me something (a lot, honestly) and in my mind you’ll always be my first. You were always You for me. I never compared you to anyone, I took you for who you were. But you, you kept pointing out how similar I was to other girls who you though were pretty or sexy, Popelka, Marine Vacth, Dakota Johnson, Diva Bara, did you ever see me, just me? No comparing, no judging, just seeing and liking Me?

Yesterday you asked me not to hate you. How could I hate you when I care for you so damn much? Why the f**k am I so fucked up about this? If you were The One, my Prince Charming, you would have never hurt me this much. That way I know my Prince Charming is still out there somewhere, waiting for me to see him.

Teddy bear, I ... don’t think I have any more words to say to you, there are things that cannot be said with words, you took my heart and stomped on it, yesterday you got a taste of how I felt, not with words but with the tears rolling down my face and my whole body shaking, I don’t have more words, just emotions and feelings...

And the worst thing now is I don’t want to forget you, ever. I always want to know what your cologne smelled like, what your just washed clothes smelled like, how your apartment smelled like when you opened the door, what your apartment looked like.

I never want to forget what it felt like to hug you, to trace my finger over your skin, to touch you and feel you. I never want to forget how good it felt when you spooned me. I never want to forget what it felt like when you opened the door and were in front of me and I could welcome or the other way around, I never want to forget that feeling and the butterflies in my belly.

I never want to forget how easily you could make me want you by doing nothing, just being near me. I never want to forget what it felt like when you touched me. I never want to forget how I caught you watching me when I just came apart. I never want to forget how good it felt to make you pleased. To make You pleased. I never want to forget how amazing it was during the song Take this longing.

I never want to forget us.

And now I am crying like a baby. Didn’t you say that? That I am still a baby? Did you insinuate I am not a woman? Well big surprise big boy, that makes you a paedophile, unless you are a baby as well. Congratulations baby, I think that in this one day you made me a woman.

What about you Teddy bear? Do you want to remember me? Will you forget me easily? Will you ever read Eugene Onegin and come to a conclusion, that maybe I was right about some things?

Yours eternally (because a part of me will always be yours eternally)

Amethyst-y