The universe has a funny sense of humour

Just some thoughts I had one day

The universe is cruel sometimes. It gives us a baby, and snatches it away like a thief in the night. It makes us endure endless days of a loved one suffering with a rare illness, or drags us along to the scene of a crash. Another child who will never see adulthood. More babies who will never be born.

 

Yet, it's all this suffering who makes us who we are.  The enemy of peace of mind is both regretting the past and trying to anticipate the future.  The only place we can truly be is the here and now, but we're still always trying to second guess what's done or predict what will be.

 

As a survivor of a long term emotionally abusive relationship, I am no stranger to regret. I can't regret marrying the man, because otherwise my children wouldn't be here. Instead, I spend a whole lot of time wondering "if only" I had left when I was pregnant with my second and the abuse began spiraling into a more and more unbearable cycle. But the truth of the matter is, I had to convince myself that I had exhausted all my options before leaving. I had to make myself stronger, mentally and physically, to endure and get past all the road blocks on the way to a divorce.

 

In a crazy twist of fate that could only be true, the person who broke my heart and drove me straight into the arms of a narcissist has the same name as my current partner. My current partner's girlfriend at the time I was getting married to the man of my nightmares?  She shared my first and middle name.  She two-timed him behind his back, and left him reeling.  He became single during the same year I separated from my husband.  

And so the stage was set for the right Lyn to meet the right Steve, or some facsimile thereof.  If I hadn't stuck it out in my marriage, I would never have met the love of my life.

 

We met under the unlikeliest of circumstances. Neither of us was looking for a relationship, and I was working my way through a series of meaningless encounters in an angry attempt to rebuild my self esteem and prove my desirability after being trapped in a loveless, abusive, sexless marriage for several years.

 

When I opened my eyes and realized that the man with whom I was just "passing the time" was kinder, gentler, and more respectful than my ex ever was, it was a revelation. I wasn't falling in love, not then. It just made me see that I deserved much better than the train wreck I left.

 

I can't even say exactly when I started to fall in love.  But now that I am where the universe needs me to be, I have come to a startling conclusion. Everything I thought love was, it wasn't. And maybe, just maybe, it took living through all the things I thought were love but weren't, to find out what love really is.

 

Love is quiet, and kind. Love never makes you feel angry, or jealous. It makes you feel privileged to indulge in another's joy. It doesn't ache, it fills the ache. It doesn't make you want to own, it makes you feel cherished just to have a taste. Love is nothing you were told it was, and everything your heart knew it to be.

Author's Note

Reviews

[Paul Bell]

If someone said to you, would you go through all that for true love?
No, you wouldn't.
But life is what it is. If one of our senses was hindsight, we would all be sorted.
But I think you summed it up. Love is actually blind, standing passing the time with the guy who was meant for you all along. Hope 2019 is all fireworks.

[Lyn Anderson]

Yes. You're right. The irony is, if we were given the easier path at the beginning we would take it, and miss the best of it because of fear. When words are used like daggers against you, you end up fearing both saying and or hearing them, and second guess every feeling to death. Every once in a while you might get to meet someone at exactly the same place in their life, so you both grow at the same time.

[Papaya]

Gosh, this is so beautiful and moving it really gets me chocked up.

[Lyn Anderson]

aww, glad you plucked this one out of the pile.

[Papaya]

Me too. Very glad.

[Mitchell J.U.]

The final paragraph really pulled it towards a very true and thoughtful revelation. Thank you for sharing something so meaningful and honest.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you for taking the time to read and review.

[Neville]

tis the hardest of lessons and the tedious knocks.. the aches and the tears, that teach us the most... a very special write indeed... N

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you so much. Reaching that place of acceptance. A daily struggle.

[Neville]

but hopefully worth it..

[Ted Kniffen]

I believe we each have a plan in place from the beginning that we must unwittingly follow. It leads us down many paths, all the while letting us think we are making decisions. Call it Fate, call it the Universe, call it God, by whatever name you like, eventually we discover we can only go with the flow.
Without the bad times, how can we appreciate the good times?
This piece is as honest a bit of writing as one can get. Thanks for digging deep to let us know things are looking up.
Glad you made it.
A good write.

[Lyn Anderson]

I thank you, for your review and for following my journey. I look back on my writing from 6 years ago, filled with anger, and edge, and desperation, and I am so grateful for the good people in here (yourself most definitely included) and how far I've come

[Coyote Poetry]

Most of us learn the hard way. Kind love, we need.
"Love is quiet, and kind. Love never makes you feel angry, or jealous. It makes you feel privileged to indulge in another's joy. It doesn't ache, it fills the ache."
Dear Lyn. Above lines is real wisdom. Sometime take a lifetime to learn. Thank you for sharing the amazing story.
Coyote

[Lyn Anderson]

Yes, most of a lifetime for me. Thank you

[Coyote Poetry]

Me too my friend. Took war and escape to find my proper place. You are welcome Lyn.

[redzone]

as part of my distant grandmother's beliefs and shown here with your words, is the belief that we are know by the tracks we leave, by the things we do in life, they define us.... if we were to follow your tracks we would find an alive, loving woman at the end of this trail, a woman who may have zigzagged across a very rugged terrain but who stands now before us as a wonderful human being.... it is truly wonderful to see how she has found her peace and in the process has found the love she has always deserved....

guess that's my long way of saying its a really cool story, Lyn

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you very much for taking the time

[Jon Roggie]

You don't always realize it.
Love sneaks in.

[Lyn Anderson]

So very true. Thank you

[Chris]

One of the best expressions I have heard - about Love. I don't knock companionship - it IS a lonely life when you turn to the emptiness to share ANYTHING that means or meant something to you... too many truly "settle" and spend their times trying to make someone into a person that they aren't - and never really accept a person as they are.

[Lyn Anderson]

Yes. That is so true. Growing into another and accepting all of them is peace.

[Lydia Shutter]

Lyn, what an honest write this is. I am very happy you were able to get out of that abusive relationship and find true love. I am sure it was a bumpy road, but now you are in a good place and that is what counts. I am sure this will be inspirational to a lot of people. Happy New Year...onward and upward. Lydi**

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you my friend. You were there in the beginning. The cafe', and the wonderful writers like yourself, have all been a part of the healing

[Lydia Shutter]

So happy to have been there and to have helped in any small way. Be well, Lyn...you deserve it.