Suffer your Requiem

revenge isn't a way to live one's life

You cannot be here beside me,

instead, you hide in them.

Your words they spit; your blows they hit ...

your vengeful requiem.

 

Our past is dead, put it to bed,

they need not endure more.

Don't be obtuse, this is abuse;

it's you, you do this for.

 

Right now, you may think you have sway,

but children grow and learn.

One day your lies will open eyes;

your deeds are what you'll earn.

 

Not sure why yet, you still don't get,

more than vows make a home.

It's they who lose, if forced to choose;

alone then, you will roam.

 

----------------------------------

The form used in this poem is

"Double down"

Created by

Richard W. Jenkins

© 1 Apr 1987

 

Any number of 4-line verses about anything:

Aligned left or centered.

 

Syllable count per verse:

4-4/6/4-4/6

 

Rhyme scheme

xxxaxxxa

xxxxxb

xxxcxxxc

xxxxxb

 

xxxdxxxd

xxxxxe

xxxfxxxf

xxxxxe

Author's Note

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Sometimes poets tackling an intricate form seem to write with less intensity, as if more focused on form than message. That's why I love seeing how your writing stays bright & sparkling, so that this form is just a sideline enjoyment while your message takes center stage. Nobody writes about relationships the way you do. Love how you express your truths (((HUGS))) fondly Margie

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you so much. I press delete if form overwhelms the message. I do find it a challenge, and I enjoy the end result when it's done even if it frustrates me from time to time

[Coyote Poetry]

You did well dear Lyn. Create a meaningful poetry with a message.
"Right now, you may think you have sway,
but children grow and learn.
One day your lies will open eyes;
your deeds are what you'll earn."
I do like the above lines a lot. Thank you for sharing the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[Lyn Anderson]

You are too kind. I thank you.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome Lyn.

[Einstein Noodle]

makes for a n interesting rhythm ... Richard is so creative! your first verse is powerful says i ... sound wisdom in your theme ...the "break up" is difficult and tragic enough but a vengeful "X" who uses the children is so sad and destructive ... i like the high road your protagonist takes in this .. its proactive and i can feel the calm and peace attained by such an attitude ... bravo for taking on the form! ;)
E.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thanks for stopping by this one and reviewing. :)

[Jon Roggie]

First, you realize when I write in a pattern it is usually an accident?

Second, and being serious, I have come to believe some do not understand. They have no clue of the pain they are causing. If they happen to notice, it wasn't their fault. Oblivious of the damage being done.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thanks. Yes. This was a very deliberate pattern. You should try it sometime. Great exercise. :) it's always someone else's fault, that's how they carry on ...

[H.W.]

I will definitely be trying out this form- thank you for sharing it!

This is a beautifully composed poem and a powerful statement. I can't really pick out any favorite lines. Well done, Lyn!

[Lyn Anderson]

That's great. See Richard for tips before you post. You won't regret the result!

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

Children suffer so needlessly at the hands of those who are supposed to love them the most. Having experienced this first hand, I just believe that people are broken. They can't show love because they don't know love, have never known love, and were broken by someone who was broken too. It's an ugly cycle of abuse that eventually must be broken by one who has been abused. It breaks my heart to know that anyone suffers such abuse.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you for your very compassionate review. Yes. Abuse must be addressed, head on, and the cycle stopped

[Relic]

People look at revenge in their own way. I have never found a need for it. Besides, anyone who ever did anything to me usually had some bad things happen to them years later. Maybe there was more going on I didn't know about in the spirit world. haha.

[Lyn Anderson]

I haven't seen Karma in action yet but people keep telling me she's coming. However, a bitter heart is a heavy burden to bear through life

[Relic]

It really is true. We are what we eat, and what we think.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Vengeance is a one way ticket to hell for your soul... the best revenge is moving on and living well.
Very powerful writing.

On a side note i love Hellyeah. R.I.P. Vinnie.

[Lyn Anderson]

Very true. Thank you. And another sad loss for the music world.

[Dr. YumnaKay]

"more than vows make a home."
This sole line stands out to me in your piece. Such a sharp write and something deeply personal (I felt).

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you very much and yes, that line, while it is a slight hitch in the rhythm of the piece, could not be replaced. :)

[Richard🖌]

Aw, Lyn,
Such a deeply poignant, but beautifully struck verse, M'Dear.
One would be hard-pressed to find a more smoothly rendered flow or more perfectly rhymed lines, scored in more grammatical or syntactic perfection.
The emotion and angst virtually jumping out from every line is perceptively intense and impacting, and your message could not be more clearly framed; I feel such endearing compassion for the kids … and Thee.
And, what could thrust more deeply than:
"You cannot be here beside me,
instead, you hide in them.
Your words they spit; your blows they hit ...
your vengeful requiem."

What an honor to have such an accomplished artist paint intrinsically gripping, vivid images in one of my own forms, and flawlessly, I might ad.
You do me great honor, Lady Lyn 🍂 most grateful hugs! ⁓ Richard

[Lyn Anderson]

Well thank you very much, for your help, your guidance, and your lovely poetic forms. I think all poets who write in free verse should expand their horizons and write in form, and vice versa. Staying inside our comfort bubbles doesn't let us grow as artists. I recommend you to all the newbies, if they ask for direction.:)

[Richard🖌]

So,
THAT'S why I never have any spare time … LOL!
Few acknowledge my Free Verse and Free Style pieces, but I've many on here I'd love you take on, Lyn, and anyone else who cares to partake.
True, why would anyone want to suppress or limit their poetic potential. Everything we study, learn, and master improves and hones the excellence of our skills.
You made poetry and helping a delightful pleasure … thank You, Lyn! : )