Welcome to The Soviet republic of Camerica

How Justin lost his shirt over the world's largest undefended border

"He's pretty,"

said Donald.

 

"Agreed,"

said Vlad,

"But what I really want,

Is Justin's pad."

 

"Not all of it,

dear comrade,

surely you must see,

there's quite enough

for us to have,

from sea to shining sea."

 

The north and west is full of trees,

and mineable soil,

diamonds, pipelines, bees,

and frackable fields of oil;

 -- riches a'plenty

some for you, and some for me.

I'll keep Justin busy,

you know he likes his parties --

a presidential suite for him & the little miss,

while Canadians pay for his two nannies,

as you work your magic to dismiss

those pesky ancestral treaties.

 

The east already 

sells us power for cheaper

than we can make it,

at that price dear Vlad,

you are very

welcome to take it.

We can hand over Manitoba,

and Whistler would be a nice reward,

so Justin can keep his snowboard.

we'll send him back to Ottawa --

with some fine Vancouver weed,

there's nothing there we need.

 

As for those Canadians,

they just aren't into rebellions,

we both know they are too polite

To put up a serious fight."

Author's Note

I couldn't help myself.

Reviews

[The Twin Arenas]

For the record, in the War of 1812, America attempted an invasion of Canada and failed because they were too scared of our wilderness.

F**k Trump, and f**k the American piece of s***s who think it'll all work out. It won't. You'd forgotten fear, so you elected a fascist. And now you will remember.

[Lyn Anderson]

Nice to see you. Let's hope something scares him away. Thanks for reviewing.:)

[Dara]

I lived in Canada as a landed immigrant during the Senior Trudeau era. I loved it then and now, after our election, wish I would have stayed! You have done a great job of illuminating the scary bromance between Trump and Putin. Yes, lets hope something does scare him away or better yet, he will be caught in his own web of lies.
"not my president"
Thank you for sharing!

[Lyn Anderson]

Thanks. However the junior Trudeau is not his father, that's for sure.

[Kesha]

Wonderfully constructed as I too fear for us in the next 4 years, hoping somebody better wins in 2020.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thanks for reading and reviewing.

[Lorry]

So, pretty straight forward then....politicians worldwide are chancers. Phew, glad I understand now...Means I don't have to try explain our predicament, where we have voted to leave the EU, want another divorce hearing from England and have an affair with Europe behind England's back, Honestly, it's no wonder we like a drink :)

[Lyn Anderson]

Oh, I love your take on it - soap operas world wide

[Valentine]

Looks like some things and politicians suck in all countries. Valentine

[Lyn Anderson]

Yes, yes they do.:)

[Ted Kniffen]

Well done, KL. Boy wonder is certainly not his dad, who actually had some substance. Now, if only we could do something about the illustrious leader of Ontario.

[Lyn Anderson]

Yes, whether you liked the senior Trudeau or not, he was a leader. As for premier Redenbacher (take a look, you'll see what I mean) she better damned well get the boot this time.

[aLittlePain]

Are kiwis allowed to review? I lived in Canada does that count? ....thanks I knew you wouldn't mind darlin!

Wit and sass n spades...wicked ;) Trudeau's a show pony, and rather thick from what I've learned...but what do kiwis know ;) R xo

[Lyn Anderson]

More than Trudeau, that's for sure. He is a pretty boy, drama teacher with a spotless political pedigree, who was elected because Canada was bored of the old. Sad but true. Like trading in your favourite shoes for a new pair that's super hot, but uncomfortable as hell. :) Thank you darling! One of my fondest young loves was a Kiwi boy. I think I told you that.:)

[aLittlePain]

Yes you did!

[Einstein Noodle]

i have been much more fearful of Biden and Obama than of Trump ;) Biden for 8 yrs was kept busy in locked closets as he had such a big foot that always gravitated to his big mouth ..fear mongering has been a hallmark of disgruntled parties on the loosing stick's end .. i appreciate the concerns you raise ..Russia has never been cozy with anyone as they are self interested only .. Obama failed to act at all .. until recently as he goes out of office .. Hillary pushed the "reset button" with Putin and was cheered for the administrations efforts ... which dismally failed .. we will all have to wait and see i guess .. and live with fears until they are assuaged or (to our horror) realized .. i believe in the American people .. i believe that most belong to the sleeping giant party that is a great, strong, resilient force that first imagined a country ruled by the people and for the people .. thank you so much for opening my eyes to this Canadian response to our election .. i honestly would not have considered it at all .. not realizing how one nation truly does effect another .. i am hoping for the best Kl .. very glad to have read this .. for some reason it struck me that it may have been better written in more of a prose form .. but that could be because i get excited about politics and skipping over your intended breaks ;)
E.

[Lyn Anderson]

I intended it to be light hearted and fun, as it was read by barleygirl. The world at large, but particularly, Canada, is nervous of the uncertainty Trump's election brings, particularly with his stance on NATO, which he has not softened one bit. Without the U.S.'s backing, the world is largely ineffective against Putin. At least, perhaps, I have opened your eyes to the way the world perceives the threat. None of us liked Obama, or any one of your leaders in recent memory, but there is a difference between liking, and being afraid of what that leader may do to the larger world order.

[Einstein Noodle]

yes there is a difference! your light heartedness does come through .."He's pretty" is a solid indicator :) but these fears are felt and expressed in very strong words and actions in American politics ..it is understandable .. Trump says some things that can be disturbing .. i agree ..we haven't had much in the way of a leader since JFK in my opinion and lifetime .. and he frightened a lot of people because he had his own money and didn't need anyone to "help" with his campaign .. and he brought us to the brink of nuclear war ... the establishment quivers when in such a position .. i think Donald will do much of what he promised ..drive hard bargains for the American people mostly ..something that has slipped the consciousness of our elites for a long long long time .. our debt is unimaginable .. sheeshs .. i can't imagine billions let alone 20 trillions .. its like wrapping the noodle around a galaxy ... sheesh!

[Lyn Anderson]

And hard bargains for the Americans will mean hard times for Canadians.:)

[Einstein Noodle]

we hope not .. you have always been an important friend and neighbor .. i remember many times crossing the border (both ways) without a hitch nor hiccup .. life has changed and is changing fast every day ..

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i'm with barleygirl...laugh or cry?

but a really good imagining of how it really is...and of what scares us...those just letting it happen and not paying attention...
somehow this all became a reality...a very scary one, indeed.

j.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thanks. We can only laugh. For now.

[Michael Stevens]

A good laugh, until Trump builds a wall out of Russian cement along the Canadian border and makes Justin, and by extension, you, pay for it, and let him tell ya', you'll like it--are we screwed in the collective head?

[Lyn Anderson]

Supposedly the wall will never apply to us. He likes Canada. Uh huh. That's what worries me.

[Michael Stevens]

As well it should, after he's through making a disaster area down here, he's coming for you next!

[Papaya]

love the wit and sarcasm, for the record I would like to say I did not vote for him because he is all about appearances and has no real balls

[Lyn Anderson]

Thanks. I didn't either. But the fact that he is a drama teacher with no common sense is not the worst of it. Routinely consorting with people who either are beholden to the federal government, or have terrorist ties, is not exactly the transparency and good government that people were hoping for ...