The gift that keeps on giving

I hope, with this one, I can put the blue monster to bed for a bit. She woke up cranky and doesn't want to f* off. Thanks to Ted Kniffen for the review and inspiration

Some people leave
thoughtful gifts.
Years later, you put
that necklace on,
with a little ahhh,
that soothes your soul.

Not you.
you left a particular
kind of present.
a kind of noxious
surprise ...

years down the line,
it just comes
out of nowhere,
and fills your eyes
with water --

roils the stomach
in boiling acid, and
a lump in your throat.
covers your thoughts
in sawdust and dirt,

you left us
a lifetime of hurt.

the gift that
keeps on giving,
and cannot
be returned
to life's store --

despite the fact,
there's nothing
                         we want more.

Author's Note

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I especially like the way this one conveys raw undiluted feelings. I wish we could turn off the switch that lets such corrosive feelings fester forever, seemingly. I can think of a few that still strike me this way, too. Vivid expression of venomous thoughts.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you. This was a tough one. In looking at my poems, there is easily an entire collection just on suicide, but I opted not to label them that way. There is a certain morbid crew that "enjoys" this subject in an unhealthy way to which I do not relate.

[barleygirl]

Yes, I have noticed that young people idealize suicide sometimes . . . one of these days, I want to write about that topic, too.

[Lyn Anderson]

When you do, feel free to PM me, quote me, use my examples, ask questions ... There is nothing to admire about suicide, and dead people don't have birthdays.

[Papaya]

It's like cancer of the memories. They keep spreading and hurting more the more that you think about them but never quite go away but with the right kind of care or therapy perhaps they can start shrinking instead of growing. Become less frequent and less painful.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you. You are exactly right. To be truthful, these memories, thankfully, ARE, less and less prevalent. However, they hit you without you knowing -- I don't sit around thinking "I am going to feel like crap that week" -- I try not to even think about it. It just happens sometimes.

[Papaya]

I'm glad they are not all the time. It never fully goes away though. The 'memory scars' in our minds remain. Anyway, let's flip back to happy thoughts soon. Honour the memories of those gone but turn back to those that need us here and now. This is where we can impact and influence positive feelings.

[Lyn Anderson]

I am all out of positive thoughts at the moment, so I am organizing my work into books. It should take days and days -- I actually have about 10 poems sitting here I will not probably share on here. They each have that bitter edge, and they need to be either edited or discarded. I commend you for your ability to edit and publish books so well. It's a heck of a lot of work.

[Lorry]

If there isn't a name already for these images of the past, that scream into your mind announced, then I would have suggested brain farts, but I think that name has already been taken for another type of mind pain. I try to put it down to some people just being so noxious that others get infected by them permanently, without the proper remedy, which as far as I know, no one really knows.
Effortlessly beautiful words, on an anything but beautiful topic.

Oh, and I love your little explanation about putting the blue monster to bed too. It was....eloquent as f***. :)

[Lyn Anderson]

She is a b***h today. Posting a story. It shall explain the last three poems succinctly. Hopefully, I have slapped her back down.