Spit, or Swallow?

ten words I give contest tourist, grind, perforate, aquarium, abridge, frame, serve, score, effort, lease

 

Her photo tucked neatly

In a wooden frame,

It took a monumental effort,

For him to just get out of bed.

Searching for a way to abridge

whatever phase of grief he had reached

How many days had it been?

According to the experts,

He should be someplace

Different by now.

Bits of coffee,

Sticking in his teeth.

Spit or Swallow?

I told her not to buy the fine grind.

Was God up there, somewhere,

Keeping score?

He pulled high his knee socks,

Slipped into his birkenstocks.

His need to perforate holes

In the wall of grief around him

Would serve as an impetus

To renew the lease

On the life he once knew.

She loved the aquarium,

Her hair was strawberry,

In colour, and scent.

Random thoughts floating

To the surface

As he wandered the streets.

Hopelessly lost,

A tourist,

on the outside

of his broken heart.

Author's Note

use the following words in a poem -- for the ten words I give contest
tourist, grind, perforate, aquarium, abridge, frame, serve, score, effort, lease

Reviews

[Lydia Shutter]

OH MY....talk about emotional masterpieces....when an older person loses his or her spouse, there are memories everywhere. The aquarium, the coffee, every random thought.....yes, all things bring her back.

"His need to perforate holes
In the wall of grief around him
Would serve as an impetus
To renew the lease
On the life he once knew."

WOW, just WOW! This is a masterpiece. Lydi**

[Lyn Anderson]

Wow, just wow on your review. Thank you so much. I am honoured.

[Tomás Ó C..]

Sounds tragic. Grief can be a terrible thing. We get so reliant on each other. The title left me expecting something different altogether as that phrase has an altogether different meaning in Europe!!!!

[Lyn Anderson]

Oh, it very much has that meaning here too. That was kind of the point.:)

[Einstein Noodle]

i really admire your talent ..especially in this poem ..so i am reviewing again and giving another hundred to you ;) one for "Spit" and one for "Swallow" ... :))))))))))))))
E.
ps. ..i give them to you in my mind ... and heart as well...which i know we agree are far better than stark and rigid math.

[Lyn Anderson]

I honestly would never have known had you not pointed it out. I kind of tune that whole part of the site out when it comes to me. I really like this poem too. It really turned out well.

[Earl Schumacker]

Hi KL, This was very enjoyable and imaginative. Great language selection of words and usage. Have a wonderful day. Earl

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you. The words led me -- these word challenges stretch the writer's imagination.

[redzone]

not sure which led to which the music then poem or the other way around and infused with the energy of these ten words... KL, you are one hellova creative artist/woman... there is a ton of emotion wrapped tightly in this poem, but when read and released, floods the senses and makes all of us who read go DAMN!! i wish I could write like that... you pull us deeply into his grief and loss, in his need to be more than a "tourist" in a broken heart... you allow us to feel each piece... perhaps it has affected me so because I know this guy... and have always just swallowed!!

wonderful poem KL... one of your best, though seems like there are many of the bests...

redzone

[Lyn Anderson]

thank you so much. I feel so too. I felt this piece -- weirdly, using these random, unconnected words brings out the most of my imagination.

[Einstein Noodle]

well done KL!! well done indeed ..never would guess it is a mechanical endeavor to fit the poem to those ten words .. i give you 100 of 100 ..(the first time i have done the score thing ;) i had no thoughts like ohhh ..maybe i would have said this ..or that etc..... i feel so bad for the guy .. every verse is a story and step at the same time ..when i read the your title in the 2nd verse ... it hit me the way it should .. it re-enforced my involvement .. made it "familiar" ... nice one says i! ..very fine job!
E.
ps music vid kind of choked me up ...pretty fine artists .. terrible tragedy :(

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you! I have admitted to being very happy with this piece. That vivid imagination really comes in handy when trying to fit a random group of words into a poem. First time you did a score? Did you know some people watch whether your score affects their points? This is a funny place.

[Einstein Noodle]

no ...i didn't ..:) its a funny world! ;)))))

[Lyn Anderson]

I got a lecture early on in here from one who will not be named. Never rating anything too low if you bother to review it. As people take the time to click on their point tally post review. Sounds exhausting. I rarely pay attention to all the hoopla surrounding these points, awards, etc. People friend you if you are on the top reviewer page. Big Whoop. They just want your review.

[Einstein Noodle]

all we need is love

[Lyn Anderson]

I like the interaction, the inspiration -- the rest of it is just silliness.

[Einstein Noodle]

yep! :) ...............

[V]

I love the tone about this tone and your last stanza reads perfect. Such an adorable piece of writing, simplicity compounded with strong emotions. I haven't had much time to read a lot on here lately but I'm always glad to stumble upon such lovable pieces.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you. I am very happy how this particular challenge turned out.

[V]

You can be, it's a great outcome. You're welcome.

[emmajoy]

''Hopelessly lost,
A tourist,
on the outside
of his broken heart.'

How anyone can use a group of given words and CREATE something so beautiful, so emotional, i really don't know. For once, lost for words. Can only add one word: brilliant.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you so much. I find these ten word challenges bring out the best in me. I have a few of them that have turned out to be the best of my writing. Every once in a while you write something, and you think, "I nailed that" -- this was one of those ones for me.

[emmajoy]

Isn't that a great feeling...!

[Lyn Anderson]

Yes, it is, thanks.

[Ted Kniffen]

A beautiful use of those ten words and a fine rendering of dealing with grief. Well done. Good write.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you so much. I really like this one.

[Papaya]

Holy wow! You knocked it out of the park! Slam dunk.
So many great lines I'm not sure what to quote. All of it!

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you. I am proudest of this 10 word challenge. Best one I did. :)

[Papaya]

You are mega talented and they're all good but yeah, this one maybe just an inch better.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you. But yes, this one I LOVE.

[Papaya]

The title alone is a thriller. :)
I was thinking 'please don't make me answer this' in public
Phew!!!

[Lyn Anderson]

I say it's generally not polite to spit.:)

[Papaya]

Lol. :) I knew you had good manners.