My love for you in trochee'

A wise poet once told me it's either a sonnet, or it's not -- that said, this is an unsonnet, written in trochaic pentametre, which is the opposite of a sonnet in iambic pentametre.

Necessary rules requiring bending,

I declare un-love in fallen metre,

With a passion! loathing never ending,

Twisted lies were blended by your beater,

Slipped along your slope of hurt and malice,

Never getting to regain sure footing,

Drank unknowing from love's poisoned chalice,

Fed me filthy lies disguised as pudding,

Your insistence didn't speak innocence,

Every day there was a new revelation,

Sapped desire, battered my bruised confidence,

Heart's survival not from suffocation.

Vows unhonoured, worthless promise mutter,

It is over, never said a stutter.

Author's Note

Take the term Sonnet under advisement. I wrote this in trochaic pentametre,
as opposed to the correct iambic pentametre. Why? Because somebody told
me it isn't a proper sonnet, of course. Otherwise, it follows a Shakespearean
rhyming pattern and the English sonnet structure in terms of syllable count,
three quatrains, and a couplet. ABAB CDCD EFEF GG -- the First three quatrains
present the problem, the last couplet the solution. Since the relationship about
which I wrote this one was backwards, I figured a backward sonnet fit.

Reviews

[Alfred Kukitz]

I am tuned into this bitter wine, a sober thought for you to dine, with someone who is more than kind.

Regards,

Al

[Lyn Anderson]

I like your rhyme. Thank you. :) xo

[Lydia Shutter]

Rules are meant to be broken...or at least bent to the nth degree! In this un-sonnet, you break them brilliantly. How perfect...a broken love written about in an unlove poem. Unique and filled with powerful emotions, KL. Lydi**

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you very much. I thought it fit the situation. :)

[Sammi]

Hi KLGoode I got your name from Barkleygirl's poems as one of her more interesting reviewers and wanted to see your poetry and I am not disappointed in the least and wow! I have never read a poem like this but it is amazing -- not that I know anything about what you said about its form but I sure do know what you're talking about from mine and some of my friend's personal experiences when you talk about a bad relationship and you sure said it just right in great rhyming -- thank you!

HUGGS!
Sammi

PS what a powerful song and picture too!

[Lyn Anderson]

Thanks for popping in, I will be sure to stop by. I tried to be thorough and accurate in describing the form so as not to confuse it with a true sonnet.

[Papaya]

It really matters not to me what form it is. Because I'm such a dummy I wouldn't get it anyway. :)
I like the poem and so many great lines in this declaration of "un-love".

[Lyn Anderson]

You are so not a dummy -- you are just not one to venture into territory uncomfortable -- I do this because it stretches my abilities, not because I am good at it. I ran 42.2 k and was close to dead last. So what? I ran it. I would never know if I don't try. Chooo Chooo!

[Papaya]

Oh now you've gone and issued me a challenge!!
(It's true, I would never run a marathon but I've done alot of those 24hour mountain bike races, not solo though, still... they're awesome. riding the woods at night with a headlamp on dodging trees.) Ok. I need to look up sonnet and figure the shhhhhhh.. out :D
I'm all about the free verse because for me it's maybe less about the poetry as it is getting my feelings out. Scary thing - feelings... :)

[Lyn Anderson]

Ah you see my point. So, the rhyme and syllable count is the easy part. It's the rhythm that's difficult. Iambic pentametre - softHard softHard through ten syllables - this unSonnet is the reverse Hardsoft - trochaic or Fallen metre.

[Einstein Noodle]

i think this reads more smoothly ...naturally than a sonnet ...after attempting a sonnet trochaic feels it might be a bit of a freeing ;} second to last line 11 syllables .. easy fix to drop the s in promises .. i understand what you are getting at in the closing line "..hey loser! its over! did i stutter?" ...but seems the syntax is stretched the way you have it .. thank you for the history of Shakespeare's use of the trochee to take a swipe at something or someone .. it makes all the sense in the world ;) mission accomplished says i! i am doing the happy dance with you ...still need to address syllables in my attempted sonnet ...sigh.... maybe i'll get to it today ..or not! :))))
E.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thanks. I can't share with Richard, as he is temporarily away. Poor fellow, it should raise his hairs, this opposite metre. But I think he will appreciate its cheekiness, as I hope dear Shakespeare would. As for the extra syllable, that's funny. I took it out, then I put it back in. Thanks! The rhythm does feel harsher, but more like I would do read Shakespeare's trochaic tetrametre lines (just google) and they will pop up -- I found it really hard to do after working so hard on the opposite stresses.:)

[Einstein Noodle]

:) ........................

[Jon Roggie]

I like the words. The structure seems off. Something about the pattern throws me. It feels forced. Again, I am talking about the pattern. I will have to try using this style, but you realize I tend to ignore structure!

[Lyn Anderson]

The pattern IS off. It is an opposite sonnet. It's supposed to feel off. Because it is describing an off kilter relationship. I guess my long explanation note is too boring to read * sigh.

[Jon Roggie]

No. I read the explanation. Don't get testy. The pattern simply goes in an opposite direction of how I write. Trying to picture how to use the style. I have enough problems trying to make sense!

[Jon Roggie]

You realize I have to make the attempt now....

[Lyn Anderson]

Silly tortoise, you wouldn't like me when I am actually testy. Okie dokie, as long as you realize it is an unSonnet. You must use the pattern, 10 syllables per line, in the following rhythm HARDsoft HARDsoft (just like you wouldn't want to be in bed):)

[Jon Roggie]

Too many rules. Especially if I was in bed.

[Lyn Anderson]

Darling! I finally got you talking about bed. Thank goodness, maybe we can do a sexy collab sometime, with Ana, of course ...

[Jon Roggie]

What is terrible is now I have a Simon and Garfunkel song running through my mind. It would have worked back in the sixties....

[Lyn Anderson]

I was just a thought back then.

[Jon Roggie]

I came along in 67. I do mean 1967.

[Lyn Anderson]

Ah, so your parents played those tunes? My mother subjected me to Dean Martin, dad was the Elvis fan.

[Jon Roggie]

I liked Simon and Garfunkel. I would put the record on when I was around 5. Also, I met Frank Sinatra's mom. I was in both of their houses a few times.

[Lyn Anderson]

Brushes with greatness. Interesting the people we meet in here, and out there...