My heart for your smile

my attempt at a modern love sonnet

At first, there was a man, without a face;

A way to kill the pain, and have some fun,

I had a little time, and you, the place,  

I knew not then, your love would equal none.

Sometimes a kiss, may only be a kiss,

Perhaps it blooms, becomes the something more,

And you became the one, to claim my bliss.

Your smiling eyes, for me, an open door. 

Now knowing years, may dampen feelings new,

From yesterday till now, though time has passed,

My passion's flame remains, alive, for you!

I only hope our "we" is meant to  last --

Although you didn't see, right from the start,

Remember, that day, I gave you my heart.

Author's Note

Reviews

[Ted Kniffen]

KL, if that is difficulty working with forms, you have little to worry about. This was an excellent sonnet. Very nice.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you very much. It isn't the syllable count and the rhyme that is hard. I had that down a long time ago. Many I posted I thought were sonnets were not. They were just rhyming poems in a sonnet format. The iambic pentametre is the problem -- tricky to convey emotion and keep with the iambics. I worked hard on about 4 of them before I tried for this one. I wanted it to be just right.

[Ted Kniffen]

Looks like you got it.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you, I appreciate it.

[??????]

Kinda left me with lingering thoughts from my past. You did great with it KL:)

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you. I find it difficult to work with forms, but well worth the effort when you get them right.

[??????]

Welcome and true that:)

[barleygirl]

This is the best sonnet you've written so far & also the best sonnet I've read in awhile. I love the message which is gently-stated, yet with a vivid description of details that make the message come alive becuz it's very relatable. I prefer this not being in the Shakespearean style of convoluted sentence structure & I prefer this being a more straightforward message than the typical vague messages often conveyed in sonnet form. This is the perfect harmony of graceful sonnet writing combined with your typical pack-a-punch style of expressing yourself.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you, that is exactly my intent. In terms of iambics and style, it is Shakespearean, but modernized, which is what I hope to achieve with practice.

[Cyn]

Very touching. The title brings you in and the words hit the heart hard. The kind of piece that reminds you of that "one and only."

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you for stopping in and for your review.

[Papaya]

The title of this got me. The sonnet is gorgeous and honest. (it feels honest anyway...)
Love surprises us, we never plan for it to happen, it just does. Could be a spark, could be a wave, could be a slow simmer. But it gets ya. This is beautiful writing and though you've challenged yourself to write within a structured form it does not feel forced in the least. It flows so well.

[Lyn Anderson]

That was the point. I am working hard to make sonnets work for me, instead of the other way around. Anyone can read a form and follow it, but I am trying to own it. It is a challenge, and I enjoy it, but I will likely always prefer free verse.

[Papaya]

You owned this one for sure. Without a doubt.

[V]

A lovely sonnet again though I'm not a fan of this form, I must admit. I like the content, light and lovely and I am really into the last line.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you for reading and reviewing. Quite honestly, I view sonnets as a challenge to try and make them more fitting to my own personality. I do prefer less rigid forms, but I enjoy trying to modernize the sonnet

[V]

If you enjoy it, then go on. You're welcome.

[V]

If you enjoy it, then go on. You're welcome.

[Relic]

I can only hope I too wind up in a similar relationship that lasts a long, long time.

Nicely done KL.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you. I rolled the dice, and I guess I was due.:)

[MomzillaNC]

I’m so pleased to be reading beautiful love poems from you! “From yesterday till now, though time has passed,” I pray your bliss is never again dampened.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you! MWAH!

[MomzillaNC]

YW 😸

[Einstein Noodle]

yes ..you are the perfect one to "modernize" the sonnet ;) ... iambs be damned ..the gist of it is there ..and i for one say hurrah for the speaker ...yet falling amidst such danger ... :) its a lovely love poem says i! ;)
E.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you hon, only some tiny tweaks to be done. :)

[Einstein Noodle]

yes ...minuscule :)))

[Sami Khalil]

Falmingly gorgeous. Interestingly beautiful. From start to finish, it defines romance with no finishing lines...:).............