It's good to take a moment to pen these. We all should.
To appreciate where we are and where we've been, and where we want to go.
I like the positive tone in the present and future.
more people need to write these letters to themselves, because absolutely...others try so hard to make us hate ourselves, and that is because they hate themselves....
well expressed as always...lots of emotions, raw emotions in your writes.
A good message. Alas, many have demons in their mind that plague them with self-doubt and even self-loathing. Too often this can lead to a disbelief of any that would seek to change their sense of self worth for the better.
Still, perhaps, if they do not close themselves off completely, the repetition will seep through their barriers.
I appreciate the message in this poem, but, since you want "honest and sincere" reviews, I must say that I've never liked poetry of this type where it seems 'preachy,' and the message is just RIGHT THERE IN YOUR FACE. I read poetry for an emotional journey, and I rarely get that in pieces of this type.
Now, as for the message itself, I completely agree with it. There are two people I know who could definitely benefit from having your outlook. So many people don't realize their worth in life, and that really saddens me. The people I know who call themselves "worthless" and "ugly" are usually well-liked. Needless to say, they're the only ones who think that way of themselves. I think many people will find this relatable. Thanks for sharing.
-William Liston
Posted 8 Years Ago
8 Years Ago
You are entitled to like whatever you like. Your narrow view of what constitutes poetry is more refl.. read moreYou are entitled to like whatever you like. Your narrow view of what constitutes poetry is more reflective of age, and experience. A poem, or a story does not have to disguise itself in metaphor and rhyme to be called a poem. Your review is not offensive, however, it is not constructive either, as it fails to give the author any real advice except to say "don't write this way I don't like it". In time you will learn the ability to critique works whose form you do not appreciate without worrying about that. Thank you for you honest opinion. Text is sometimes interpreted harshly, and this is certainly not intended to be harsh. Now, if you had a typo, a grammar error, or something like that I could actually use...:)
8 Years Ago
Well, allow me to give a more constructive review.
First of all, I never said that th.. read moreWell, allow me to give a more constructive review.
First of all, I never said that this doesn't "constitute as poetry;" it just doesn't constitute as poetry 'that I like.'
The reason I don't like poetry of this type is because it doesn't create an emotional impact (at least not for me); instead of actually 'living' the poem, I just read it. It TELLS and doesn't SHOW.
Say if I wanted to convey the message in a poem that war is bad. Here are two ways I could do that:
Poem #1
War kills so many people.
It's destructive and
destroys mankind.
Poem #2
As I look upon the
beautiful autumn day
and see every creature
dwell this Earth
in harmony, I wonder
'Why must there be war?'
The second one actually pulls me in, and thus, it makes the message stronger in my opinion. It shows and doesn't tell. It captures the beauty of life and gives contrast, which conveys the idea that war is utterly barbaric and destructive--or in other words, it disturbs life's peace. The first poem just tells me that war is destructive, and it would be rather unconvincing to someone who thinks differently.
But that's just my advice...as you know, you don't have to take heed to a single thing I said. I'm not telling you "don't write this way I don't like it;" you can write in whatever way you wish. If this isn't elaborate enough, I'll gladly give a more in depth explanation of my thoughts. If you haven't already, I'd suggest reading Edgar Allan Poe's essay "Poetic Principle." He explains didacticism in poetry much better than I can.
8 Years Ago
Here's something you may consider constructive, look at S3L2 (considering that the first line is a s.. read moreHere's something you may consider constructive, look at S3L2 (considering that the first line is a stanza). I'm pretty sure you didn't mean to have the word 'or' in that line.
8 Years Ago
Yes, that was legitimately an error, which is different from changing a piece to an entirely differe.. read moreYes, that was legitimately an error, which is different from changing a piece to an entirely different style. Thank you.
You're welcome, but don't get me wrong, I wasn't asking you to "change this piece to an entirely dif.. read moreYou're welcome, but don't get me wrong, I wasn't asking you to "change this piece to an entirely different style;" my points just may be something to ponder the next time you write a poem...that is, if you want to.
8 Years Ago
I have over 100 pages of poetry. Many of them are many different styles, forms, and subjects. This j.. read moreI have over 100 pages of poetry. Many of them are many different styles, forms, and subjects. This just happens to be one of many. I tend to write rather straightforwardly approximately 50 percent of the time. However, I have written many senryus, sonnets, rhyming pieces, abstract pieces, and others of various formats. I would not presume to offer such advice without knowing more of a person's writing.
8 Years Ago
I've read almost all of your first page of poems, and I think that's enough to get a grasp of how yo.. read moreI've read almost all of your first page of poems, and I think that's enough to get a grasp of how you write. I've also read one of your sonnets (I can't remember the name of it, but I know it was the one that inspired Richard to write his).
Anyways, I gave you a review, and you said it wasn't constructive because there was nothing to learn from it other than "Don't write this way I don't like it." I then gave you a more constructive review and offered more elaboration...
You said I need to know more about your writing before giving advice like that...well, the reason I gave advice about this one is because it seems like you're trying to be inspirational, which is different from most of the pieces I've read by you. I was just trying to tell a way that you should at least consider when writing poems where the goal is to coney a message and not just your own emotions. Take whatever you deem best fit and move on.
I write under a pseudonym.
I don't do Read Requests, but you can PM me if you want me to read something specific. I make friends with people who I read and interact with. I won't accept random reque.. more..