being a spazz does not make you a fool

for Barley Girl -- on "Being a Podunk Fool" - I had the category as humour and Satire but it comes up poem so I re-categorized as essays

I consider myself to be fairly smart. I don't say that to brag. I have a demonstrably high IQ, a good command of English, and a solid command of French, Portuguese, and Spanish. I usually can add my groceries and calculate my change in my head before I get to the checkout. I am one of those people who is pretty damned good with obscure facts, and once I learn something, I normally retain it.

But there is a big difference between being intellectually smart, and being spazzy. I am the type of person who makes really strange decisions when I am in an irrational state. I can also be over confident in situations where I should perhaps hang back a little. Most people who love me learn to roll with it, and some even find it endearing. More than one person has called me the "spazziest" smart person they know.

Most of my self injuries and life gaffs can be attributed to making a decision to "do something" when I am upset. The ugly scar on my right knee? I hopped on my bike and rode like a demon when my high school boyfriend broke up with me (because I wouldn't put out) -- tore all the skin off my knee, was too embarrassed to tell anyone, and it got infected. It took half the summer to heal and probably never would have scarred if I had just gone to the hospital.

I once super-glued a car emblem to my hand, because I locked myself out of my car and in an attempt to "do something" positive to alleviate my stress, I went and got the emblem from my car that was broken off, and well, 2 hours later, I was crying on my friend's doorstep. Once she stopped laughing, (why in the hell did you decide to glue the emblem on your car when you were locked out? ) she helped me get off the superglue and break into my car.

I managed to get stuck in a swamp while taking a short cut on foot in a subdivision in the middle of town. I have locked my keys in my car so many times the lady at CAA (Canada's AAA) knows my voice. Twice a dog in the car locked me out while the car was running. I misplaced both electronic keys to my car in one week and had to get towed to the garage to re-program the keys. I have driven 300 km to retrieve something that was already in my purse I searched multiple times.

I get lost on a regular basis, because IQ and sense of direction are definitely mutually exclusive in my case. Most times I don't even tell someone just how far out of the way I got myself before I got there.

But, forget ripped nylons and toilet paper on your shoe, or tucked into your skirt.  My all time, most embarrassing moment happened when I was 19. I was an exchange student in Brazil. I was learning Portuguese quite well, and figured I had a good handle on the language. There are a lot of things in technology that sound like the English name for it, with an accent applied, so I decided to ask a gentleman at a crowded party if I could see his cassette tape of a popular Brazilian artist, thinking I was smart to come up with a sentence all by myself.

What I actually asked him, due to a very bad guess at the wording on my part, was may I please hold your (insert the most explicit name that comes to mind to describe male genitalia here) for a few minutes. The room became uncomfortably silent. He hesitated, gave me a huge smile, and said, "of course". The whole room burst out laughing, and I wasn't sure what the joke was. When a friend explained it to me, through fits and starts of the giggles, I was absolutely horrified. Especially since the man I said this to was winking at me every chance he got. After that, I tried my best to always double check my meanings before opening my mouth. Which is a good practice, in any language, I think.

Author's Note

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This is so funny, my loud belly laughs summoned all my pets, who are now clustered around my feet, wanting in on the joke! What I love the most is your intro, which is very different from mine, but such a parallel paradox. This is a great little ditty. I honestly didn't think it would go further than the generalized descriptions of ridiculousness, all along, but then comes your grand finale, which is such a gut-buster, especially the way you tell things. I know exactly that "puffed up" feeling you get just before doing something so ill-advised, that was exactly how I felt on the tarmac that day before being arrested. Whenever my overblown ego gets involved, I know I need to dial it back a few. It sounds like you are so hilariously similar, in delightfully different ways. Thanks for taking on my challenge with gusto! (((HUGS)))

[Lyn Anderson]

Awesome, glad you liked -- yes, it's that chuffed, "look at how great I am" feeling that often leads to the most embarrassing gaffs.:) Thanks for bringing it to mind, in a format I could share -- the version I usually share (verbally) has some very inappropriate words in it.

[barleygirl]

Oh yeah . . . I just re-read, it's so damn funny, & I forgot to mention how much I love your parting advice! *smile*

[V]

Funny, entertaining and refreshing. I can relate to a few of your character traits though people mistake me quite often for no more than an average intelligent person, some people might even think I am stupid just because I think and might do things very differently. The part about frequently getting lost definitely reminds me of someone I know, actually pretty smart, but no sense of orientation at all. ^^ (in comparison to me, I have an excellent inner compass)

[Lyn Anderson]

Thanks for reading my little piece. This is Barley Girl's challenge, to share our ditsy moments ... Yes, some people are just like that. I never mistake flighty or wispy or dense for stupid -- often these are really smart people whose take on life is just different from most.

[V]

Yes, the ordinary people will never know this struggle. ^^ And I learned not to care that much anymore and embrace my weirdness a little.

[Lyn Anderson]

Yes, embrace the weirdness for sure. That is exactly the way to put it.:)

[Pryde Foltz]

Very funny. This is great essay right. I think we can all relate now and then. Stepping out of one's comfort zone to visit and learn a new language should be lauded and what great tale you have to tell)

[Lyn Anderson]

Thanks, Barley Girl I find to be very refreshing and inspiring.

[redzone]

Kl, hmmm an intellegent spazz... who gets lost going to the grocery store... ;0) while I have never, in any language asked a man to hold his whatevers, I may have you beat in the spazz department.. or a close second anyway... read my Barleygirl Podunk Story when you get a chance... "A Fool, Skyline Drive, and Night Moves"...

so did you save that car emblem??? something to pass on the the grandkids... ;0)

redzone

[Lyn Anderson]

Nope, the car emblem was sold with the car, with the buyer unaware that the mishap had ever occurred. I will read it, I was waiting for it.

[Matching Socks]

You're such a silly dumdum sometimes. :)
Good thing you're cute (and smart of course...)

[Lyn Anderson]

This was Barley Girl's idea -- to let it all hang out there -- you should try it -- but I am sure, you probably don't have any such moments, now do ya?

[Matching Socks]

Bah ha... ha. Nope, none. Picture of perfection here.

[redzone]

Ana's right KL, she proudly wears her High Chuckies...

[redzone]

But while I am butting in here, Ana, I would love to read a story of you letting it all hang out there, fishing line and all...

now let me go and tease Kl some..

[Matching Socks]

My story isn't that interesting.
I've picked my nose and bled a few times at very inconvenient moments.
Highly embarrassing. Don't recommend it.