where do we go from here?

I wasn't sure how to approach this one

your laugh,
while deeper,
is still the same,
to me.

I don't know
how to feel when
something
I understood
in theory,
becomes real.

the woman with whom
I shared so much --
my friendship,
and my home...

all the secrets spilled
into the night,
the pain I felt when
you cut me out of your life.

do we go for coffee
and pretend you are
the same friend?

excuse me my naivete,'
the territory to me
is unfamiliar you see,

when aunt becomes uncle,
and doe becomes buck.

Author's Note

I hope the person who is the subject of this poem would understand,
this truly is a struggle for me. It is meant to have some humour, but not
to be cruel. Any and all comments that are mean spirited will be deleted.

Reviews

[Matching Socks]

This must be difficult all around and I imagine on one hand there's freedom yet on the other isolation.

[Lyn Anderson]

Yes it is. I am struggling. Trying to come to grips. Yet that seems selfish to me.

[Matching Socks]

I think it just will take time.

[barleygirl]

Very interesting approach to this topic. I haven't experienced it myself, but nowadays, there's so much intimate knowledge pouring forth from various reality TV shows, I forget that some may still find it unusual or even shocking. I get the feeling this narrator is kinda taking it personally or feeling like it's a rejection of the previous closeness once shared. Maybe the "trans" person feels distant becuz the narrator has also changed or even withdrawn a bit. Don't lay it all on the "trans" person . . . they aren't the only ones who change in ways that don't feel so comfortable! (Sorry I got off on a lecture there!) Your poem itself describes the feelings very gently & respectfully.

[Lyn Anderson]

It's a case of a friendship collapsing well before the transition, and the expectation that because of the transition, all must be forgiven. So yes, it's a struggle.

[Érenn]

Oh..... How did you write this one?? I am just marveling at the fact that you were even able to share this let alone present it so wonderfully.... This is such a complicated topic to talk about. Just so to ensure I didn't misunderstand I actually checked the tags and really once I confirmed that.... It wasn't an easy thing to digest, I can't even fathom what you went through and how this whole experience must have felt for you. The poem itself has a lovely flow and the tonal transitions are superb, but it's the emotions and the way you have expressed them takes first prize. How can one accept a person whose changed from his/her former self in more than ways.... It cannot be walk in the park.... Thank you for sharing

[Lyn Anderson]

It was and is not easy. I am only a best friend. I cannot imagine this experience from a family member's view.

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

What a journey into the experience...I wasn't expecting the ending as I was remembering a past pain of my own...I love that you were able to write this so well and get across the confusion, hurt, and the thud of the title's meaning. Not really able here to express all that I am feeling. Well done.

[Lyn Anderson]

I am very honoured you stopped by

[Einstein Noodle]

wow! i know just what you are talking about ..my best friend thru growing up and thru the Navy and then total disconnect when he "came out" as they say ...and i still can not get over the disconnect he chose .....no one has been able to get hold of him now for many years ... i had four young children and visited him the last time (thats when i found out) in '90 i believe ... he may be dead for all i know ..i pray for him when i think of him ... it certainly would not be the same if there were a continuing friendship .. he's a completely different man ... i feel good about myself tho...i would have been open and accepting ..but it would not be the same ... its interesting to me that your friend also cut you out ..and it does hurt ...oh well ;}
E.
ps i think your poem reads very well ..the progression holds me and your closing is sound ... i feel the heaviness of loss and the tension of not being able to understand mixed with a bit of anger ... so well done says i!

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you. This one was a hard one for me to write, and VanessandtheCat's comments in the beginning helped me to edit it to the current poem. It is a most difficult subject, and yes, there is a disconnect between who you knew them to be and who they are now, in this case amplified by a change of gender. But all of that came after our very difficult "break up" as friends -- so it makes it difficult to know what feelings to put where.

[Einstein Noodle]

yes it would! .... perhaps part of her beginning to make her different self ... you have lost something KL ..and i feel part of your sadness ... truly do!

[Coyote Poetry]

Dear Poet. A wonderful poem. Took the reader to deep and honest thoughts.
"do we go for coffee
and pretend you are
the same friend?"
Forgiveness is hard sometime. I like the ending. Left the reader with something to think about. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you. I really wrestle with this one emotionally. Someone you loved deeply, who hurt you, is now not even the same person they were when you knew them.

[Coyote Poetry]

I understand. Took me year to forgive some people. Some actions cannot be forgotten.

[highonwords]

what do you mean when 'aunt becomes uncle, and doe becomes buck' - if the people involved are willing to ask forgiveness and change and make amends, then the friendship could still work - it is in the willingness and decision to roll up one's sleeves and get the relationship working that is important

regards,
steph

[Lyn Anderson]

ok, look at the tags to the poem, and tell me you still don't understand. it's a little more complicated than a regular friend falling out.

[highonwords]

oh, i get it now - sorry - my bad - only you know the highs and lows in your friendship with her, i just hope no one gets hurt and everybody wins

regards,
steph

[Lyn Anderson]

She is no longer a she, for starters. But all the hurts happened long before that.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

here is my thought...we can try to repair the damage done...but that feeling will never be the same...we will be working at the friendship rather than having it just flow smoothly like it used to...i understand this poem...relate...giving those friendships a second chance...not much chance for it...usually...luckily there are exceptions...and it may grow stronger because of....

[Lyn Anderson]

yes, I am extremely torn, for many, many reasons, the fact that my college bestie is now a man just muddies the water -- the betrayals and the hurt happened before that.

[Amit Yervinday]

Was open minded when I first started to read so found the end to be a good twist as I wasn't expecting it. Made me think about the person saying this. Perhaps some actual feelings are shaping the story and preventing it from being consistent.

First ever review so have just said what I thought.

[Lyn Anderson]

The inconsistency is forced by the story itself. I know not how to write a poem that is not based on either my own experience, or the experience of others I am close to. I have edited the poem after this comment was posted.

[V]

I think this is a difficult topic to write about and your approach is courageous and nicely done.

If I may point out one or two things my mind sort of tripped over: the structure of some lines is not overall fitting and the small rhyme with me and see doesn't seem to match, either - it just reads a tad strange in comparison to other lines.

I think I love that you're able to make a poem out of so many different topics. Great attitude.

[Lyn Anderson]

I edited it quite a lot actually. I often write directly into the cafe' -- so this one is quite altered from the first.

[V]

Yes I do this too. Just did, actually. ^^
Exactly what I meant as I mentioned structure. Nice changes.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thanks -- especially when a piece is personal, another person's objective perspective helps to better a piece.

[V]

Might be true. I think personal pieces tend to be vulnerable to be unstructured outbursts of emotions and random thoughts, a slip of pure feelings written down (often). But I didn't see this in yours, it was (and is now) a well-written piece of poetry (except those very few lines I pointed out before which you have already changed).

[Lyn Anderson]

By and large I write like I am -- an intensely emotional person who thinks everything to death. Thank you for your advice and the banter back and forth, I feel it helps us grow as writers.

[V]

You're welcome. :) I am emotional too but also kind of picky when it comes to writing and I like to support other fellow writers.