the first time he left

another thought

my if onlys
add up to
an ocean of
should haves
and a mountain
of regret.

the first time he left
the three of us
cuddled up
in my bed
and we knew
it was us against the world.

the pain I could have
saved you
if only ...
I had the courage
to make the first time
the last.

Author's Note

Reviews

[icelandicblue]

We just don't know until we do. Children make it all the more difficult regarding the permanency of a split. No one who is thinking about their kids ever wants to be rash. I felt your pain in this piece.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thanks. It will be a long time before I can get past most of the regret.:)

[R Smith]

I feel for you, if only's are probably the worst feelings in the world, i have many but yours in this poem must have been hard for you and yes i guess the first time should be the last but are any of us ever that wise, never your fault, you had hope and faith that turned out to be misplaced, thank you for this work :)

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you for reading and reviewing. It's not easy no, the only thing I know is that I gave it all the chances I could handle.

[Rene Salinas]

Yeah I have mentioned before KL that you have taken a road with challenges. Yet I have and couldn't have taken the same kind of challenges I took others and sometimes I do ask similar questions just like you are here. I keep teeling myself that stupid thing that most say"Oh well but then you wouldn't be the person you are today" back of the cereal box wisdom or something" or in order to get somewhere we have to go through the eye of the needle who knows what's out there wiaitng for us.

Is not easy though that's clear.

Thankyou

[willweb]

Things happen KLGoode. You either become stronger or weaker because of it. I sense stronger fits you much better. And I realize this is a poem to your children and you can only do what you think is right at the time. There is no manual on life, we learn as we go.

[Lyn Anderson]

I know. I am working on forgiving the person I was.

[therisa]

KL, we all have moments, which we wish, we had done something different, thus sparing ourselves, the pain. Hoping for the best, from a love one, who has hurt us. This poem shows the growth and healing, you have done, over the years, in becoming, a stronger and wiser person. Thank you, for sharing this, KL.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you. It's my girls I wish I had spared. At the time I thought I was helping them.

[therisa]

Your welcome, KL, and I understand.

[Matching Socks]

You were in love, much younger, less wiser, and you had a dash of hope.
Those aren't bad things. The blame is not yours.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you. Some of it is mine. I just have to learn to own that part. Not dwell, forgive myself.

[Matching Socks]

Hugs.......

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Those what ifs can haunt us for a long time… we have to remember we do things in the moment that seem best at the time, we are not always right but as long as we tried.

[Lyn Anderson]

Yes hind sight can make us nuts sometimes.

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

Hindsight is always 20/20 but looking back it's still a bit fuzzy.

[Coyote Poetry]

Dear Poet. We never learn the easy way.
"the pain I could have
saved you
if only ...
I had the courage
to make the first time
the last."
I know the above lines. I danced in the fire three times with one girl. Three attempt and we got further apart each time. Hope and dream make us wish for things that cannot be. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry dear friend.
Coyote

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you for your kind words.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome. Always a pleasure to read your words.

[Richard Layne]

I agree with John--that first stanza is really good. You have the gift to paint a vivid scene using very few words. You capture the space and the feelings so well.
nice write.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you for your kind words. :)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Easier said than done. Relationships are complex contracts and we never read the small print that ties us to keep trying, especially when children are involved. The first stanxza is so good.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thank you very much. I know. But the heart punishes us for mistakes long past sometimes.